I Held the World
Anthro animal fantasy flash fic14 total reviews
Comment from Goodadvicechan
Your story is well written, easy to follow.
The opening scene was detailed, outlying his helpless condition lying on the ground with blood flowing, staining the black and white fur,
These detailed description is good. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Your story is well written, easy to follow.
The opening scene was detailed, outlying his helpless condition lying on the ground with blood flowing, staining the black and white fur,
These detailed description is good. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from lancellot
Interesting short story. Not sure what that last line means.
Notes:
{The} began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern I work at.
-They
"Don't think I caught your name," he remarks, "what is it?"
-"Don't think I caught your name," he remarks. "What is it?"
He places his paw on my cheek and {smiles,} "Because I held the world in my arms tonight."
-smiles.
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Interesting short story. Not sure what that last line means.
Notes:
{The} began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern I work at.
-They
"Don't think I caught your name," he remarks, "what is it?"
-"Don't think I caught your name," he remarks. "What is it?"
He places his paw on my cheek and {smiles,} "Because I held the world in my arms tonight."
-smiles.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Ah, thank you! Little things like that can slip through when you stare at something for long enough, haha
Comment from royowen
What a pity, we don't know how Alara did afterward, heh heh. I thought this was particularly interesting, and a might mysterious, but an excellent "tail". Well done, most enjoyable, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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What a pity, we don't know how Alara did afterward, heh heh. I thought this was particularly interesting, and a might mysterious, but an excellent "tail". Well done, most enjoyable, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thank you so much, Roy!
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A pleasure
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very good beginning to a novel or novelette. I hope you continue it. I will become a fan.
The began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern I work at. (Try -They began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern where I work.)
He places his paw on my cheek and smiles, "Because I held the world in my arms tonight." (smiles is not a speech tag so you need a period after it.)
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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This is a very good beginning to a novel or novelette. I hope you continue it. I will become a fan.
The began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern I work at. (Try -They began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern where I work.)
He places his paw on my cheek and smiles, "Because I held the world in my arms tonight." (smiles is not a speech tag so you need a period after it.)
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thank you for the pointers, someone else also pointed it out, haha.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
What a fine fantasy you've given us! I don't normally read fantasy on this site but took a chance here, and I'm so glad that I did. Great storytelling, ending, and that last line . . .
Looking forward to reading more. (Sorry I don't have a six to give you this late in the week.)
First paragraph: THEY began taunting me . . .
He leaves briefly, returning with a small meal. (Add comma)
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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What a fine fantasy you've given us! I don't normally read fantasy on this site but took a chance here, and I'm so glad that I did. Great storytelling, ending, and that last line . . .
Looking forward to reading more. (Sorry I don't have a six to give you this late in the week.)
First paragraph: THEY began taunting me . . .
He leaves briefly, returning with a small meal. (Add comma)
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thanks for your kind words! And yeah, thank you, sometimes the small things slip when you stare at something too long!
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is an excellent story and I give you my last six. It is well deserved. You did a great job with this. I particularly like the last sentence in the story. I think it would be a great first chapter to a longer story, but it stands alone quite nicely.
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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This is an excellent story and I give you my last six. It is well deserved. You did a great job with this. I particularly like the last sentence in the story. I think it would be a great first chapter to a longer story, but it stands alone quite nicely.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thank you for your support!
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My pleasure.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Intriguing story. Good work.
The began taunting me - (They)?
as I left the tavern I work at. - good. Forget about the old rule of not ending a sentence with a preposition.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Intriguing story. Good work.
The began taunting me - (They)?
as I left the tavern I work at. - good. Forget about the old rule of not ending a sentence with a preposition.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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That was a rule? Haha!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for sharing some mighty fine descriptive writing with great imagination. And you don't look like someone to portray such vivid violence. :-) Great job!
The(y) began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern I work at.
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thanks for sharing some mighty fine descriptive writing with great imagination. And you don't look like someone to portray such vivid violence. :-) Great job!
The(y) began taunting me as soon as I left the tavern I work at.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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I like to surprise people. ;-)
Comment from LJbutterfly
I enjoy reading stories about real or fantasy animals, and this is a delightful story, told by a cat. You included enough description and dialogue to allow the reader to envision each scene and understand the cat's point of view. Well done. How did the story make out in The Writer Magazine contest?
Typo: The began taunting me as soon as I left ("They" began taunting)
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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I enjoy reading stories about real or fantasy animals, and this is a delightful story, told by a cat. You included enough description and dialogue to allow the reader to envision each scene and understand the cat's point of view. Well done. How did the story make out in The Writer Magazine contest?
Typo: The began taunting me as soon as I left ("They" began taunting)
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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I got an email from The Writer roughly six months after I submitted thanking me for entering, so that?s the most word I got. Thank you for asking, thought!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is an excellent flash fiction about a fantasy tiger and hyena. The story quickly and skilfully draws the reader into the rescue operation with our second character coming to the fore. The caring nature of the hyena is heart-warming and we instantly know that the tiger is in safe hands. Your prose is evocative. Such phrases as the blood "reddening my vision" and the imagery of silence. Every word seems to be assiduously selected to immerse the reader ("plea sliding from my lips"). The ending beautifully captures both the essence of the friendship and the mystical nature of the fiction. Was the tiger a toy then? Thanks for sharing, Heather. Debbie
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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This is an excellent flash fiction about a fantasy tiger and hyena. The story quickly and skilfully draws the reader into the rescue operation with our second character coming to the fore. The caring nature of the hyena is heart-warming and we instantly know that the tiger is in safe hands. Your prose is evocative. Such phrases as the blood "reddening my vision" and the imagery of silence. Every word seems to be assiduously selected to immerse the reader ("plea sliding from my lips"). The ending beautifully captures both the essence of the friendship and the mystical nature of the fiction. Was the tiger a toy then? Thanks for sharing, Heather. Debbie
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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The Tiger was not a toy, she was a character I created for one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV series, and just? kept her around! Also I must thank you for being the only one to refer to her as a Tiger not a cat, haha! (Details are important!)
