Sonnet Humor #1
No Ill Intent Intended8 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
Well, getting the rooster was certainly a mistake! This is cute and funny, but I would dearly have loved to see a more satisfying conclusion - you say all is lost, but all Tom has to do is reach for an axe!
Your reviewers are right that you have not really grasped the usual meter of a sonnet, but I am more concerned that the story does not feel complete.
Steve
reply by the author on 20-May-2023
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Well, getting the rooster was certainly a mistake! This is cute and funny, but I would dearly have loved to see a more satisfying conclusion - you say all is lost, but all Tom has to do is reach for an axe!
Your reviewers are right that you have not really grasped the usual meter of a sonnet, but I am more concerned that the story does not feel complete.
Steve
Comment Written 20-May-2023
reply by the author on 20-May-2023
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Like "Absurdedly yours"
I enjoy stepping on toes when I dance. It lets my partners know I?m alive like the creature in Frankenstein (sic) the movie.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Good entry the rhyming pattern is working and the theme is a humorous one. You probably have time to correct one mistake, stanza two, first verse has eleven syllables...
Good luck with the contest!!
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Good entry the rhyming pattern is working and the theme is a humorous one. You probably have time to correct one mistake, stanza two, first verse has eleven syllables...
Good luck with the contest!!
Comment Written 16-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Depends
If you read
Privileged as two or three syllables. I read it as two - priv leged
Was that the line you questioned?
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I beg to differ. Syllables are not 'dependent on the way one might consider it'. It has structure. If you make privileged as 2 syllables, then you are eating away the letter 'i', which is NOT a silent vowel in this particular word.
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Since poetic license has been dismissed, I went in and removed the word there.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is nice. Despite the form, I don't think it would qualify as a sonnet because there is no question to deliberate. But, I'm not expert on poetry. Good luck.
notes:
raising kids and hollow-horned ruminants
beneath a floating sea of cumulus.
- I suggest rechecking the end rhymes in this section.
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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Hmm, this is nice. Despite the form, I don't think it would qualify as a sonnet because there is no question to deliberate. But, I'm not expert on poetry. Good luck.
notes:
raising kids and hollow-horned ruminants
beneath a floating sea of cumulus.
- I suggest rechecking the end rhymes in this section.
Comment Written 13-May-2023
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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depends on accent, as to your notes.
I did not know sonnets needed a question. Thanks.
Comment from royowen
This is similar to the first effort I made.when I first started writing, though I still struggle with iambic pentameter, is remembering that it's unstressed/stressed, yours is a little mixed, with trochaic meter which is stressed/unstressed, and the rhyming is abab cdcd efef gg. But keep going, you'll get there, this is very clever, and funny, great try, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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This is similar to the first effort I made.when I first started writing, though I still struggle with iambic pentameter, is remembering that it's unstressed/stressed, yours is a little mixed, with trochaic meter which is stressed/unstressed, and the rhyming is abab cdcd efef gg. But keep going, you'll get there, this is very clever, and funny, great try, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-May-2023
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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The essence of my writing was to have fun. Maybe that's why I don't enjoy Shakespeare sonnets, but love his plays.
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Well done
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Tween you and Jan, I made an effort to have the piece meet I.P. standards. It may fall short in all aspects but now it reads abab cdcd efef gg
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Well done
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Maybe it?s time to modernize sonnets. I read the definition of IP but four hundred plus years isn?t enough?
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Please, Don?t be offended, that was never my intention. I?m not a great sonnet writer either.
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is too funny. We have a super loud rooster that cock-a-doodle-doos at all hours.
Maybe I should sleep with one eye on him?
Great color scheme. Fun read.
D
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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This is too funny. We have a super loud rooster that cock-a-doodle-doos at all hours.
Maybe I should sleep with one eye on him?
Great color scheme. Fun read.
D
Comment Written 13-May-2023
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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First, thanks for taking time from your writing to read me.
Imagine a rooster that went to bed at sunrise, and awoke with dusk. Should I have left the C___ instead of substituting male?
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Oh, poor Tom! His world has been turned upside down by this tyrant! I like your Sonnet humor, and I love the alliterations you've used here. A bit of a tongue-twister here and there.
Good luck with the contest - the presentation is very good with words, font, image, and background color.
Pam
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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Oh, poor Tom! His world has been turned upside down by this tyrant! I like your Sonnet humor, and I love the alliterations you've used here. A bit of a tongue-twister here and there.
Good luck with the contest - the presentation is very good with words, font, image, and background color.
Pam
Comment Written 13-May-2023
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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Appreciate the kindness shown. Perhaps, my origin of naming it a sonnet was without discretion. I have been approached saying the abab cdcd for sonnets wasn't followed. Heck. I just wanted to make a contest fun.
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I tried correcting it. It now reads abab cdcd efef gg
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I'm not sure what you tried to correct? I thought it was perfect as is.
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I though it was fun but three more classic purists type writers taught me a lesson re: the English Sonnet, and propose I try to correct it. Oh well, back to the well.
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Well, that's what we're here for, right? To learn and grow. Every time I write poetry, someone corrects me on something, lol! It's all good.
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Thanks
Comment from Bill Schott
This sonnet, Humor #1, has the proper formatting and suggests that the "cock of the walk" has seemingly more control of the farm than the farmer. ..................................................
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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This sonnet, Humor #1, has the proper formatting and suggests that the "cock of the walk" has seemingly more control of the farm than the farmer. ..................................................
Comment Written 13-May-2023
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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He did, and that is why I had the farmer move out. :-O
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed the humour here Tom but the iambic pentameter is missing and I expect you already know that, nice try though, didn't you hear the melody in the Bard's work? Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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I enjoyed the humour here Tom but the iambic pentameter is missing and I expect you already know that, nice try though, didn't you hear the melody in the Bard's work? Love Dolly x
Comment Written 13-May-2023
reply by the author on 13-May-2023
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Had it been best if I did not call it a sonnet? I don't know the ins and outs of poetic forms. I write to live another day with a smile. Heck, I usually write prose or free verse, so to rhyme I thought was a divne step-up for me. Thanks for the read and comment.
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Some people would prefer you not to call it a sonnet Tom but it is up to you. The problem is that it is a sonnet contest and I am not sure your poem fits the criteria, have you read the rules? Love Dolly x
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I originated the contest, and other than including the word sonnet, there was no rule. that I composed.
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I noticed that many entries have used iambic pentameter and they stand out against the other entries x x x
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Between you, royowen and Jan, I made an effort to have the piece meet I.P. standards. It may fall short in all aspects but now it reads abab cdcd efef gg