politicians lie, people die
too many guns in 5 by 5 by 5 format4 total reviews
Comment from Colleen The Garbanzo Bean
I think that a short poem that makes a strong point is very powerful. The last line is really blunt, smacks the reader in the face, and leaves the reader contemplating the poem far after reading it. Great job!
reply by the author on 06-May-2023
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I think that a short poem that makes a strong point is very powerful. The last line is really blunt, smacks the reader in the face, and leaves the reader contemplating the poem far after reading it. Great job!
Comment Written 05-May-2023
reply by the author on 06-May-2023
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thanks a lot love your handle
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thank you :)
Comment from Janel Mock
You did so well with this!!! Very true and informative. Such a crazy time right now and a controversial topic as well... thank you for sharing! I am checking out more from you!~Janel
reply by the author on 06-May-2023
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You did so well with this!!! Very true and informative. Such a crazy time right now and a controversial topic as well... thank you for sharing! I am checking out more from you!~Janel
Comment Written 05-May-2023
reply by the author on 06-May-2023
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thanks a lot
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the 5-5-5 writing prompt contest. I agree with you about guns.
Enough already.
I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.
Good syllables count and connection between lines.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 05-May-2023
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Excellent entry for the 5-5-5 writing prompt contest. I agree with you about guns.
Enough already.
I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.
Good syllables count and connection between lines.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 05-May-2023
reply by the author on 05-May-2023
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thanks as always
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A well-constructed and forceful poem. It meets the requirements of the contest. The language is fitting to the seriousness of the subject.
My only suggestion is for yet more discomfort I would think of varying line length.
My immediate thought is :
Politicians
lie.
Guns do--
kill people.
That is
what they do.
I know the contest calls for 5,5,5. But after that consider something along this line. Discomfort is called for here.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 05-May-2023
|
A well-constructed and forceful poem. It meets the requirements of the contest. The language is fitting to the seriousness of the subject.
My only suggestion is for yet more discomfort I would think of varying line length.
My immediate thought is :
Politicians
lie.
Guns do--
kill people.
That is
what they do.
I know the contest calls for 5,5,5. But after that consider something along this line. Discomfort is called for here.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 05-May-2023
reply by the author on 05-May-2023
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thanks I will take your suggestion and use it as well.
here's the alternative version
Guns Kill Fan story
Politicians
lie.
Guns do--
kill people.
That is
what they do.
Just their Buddha nature
After all
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You are welcome. The new version does add some stridency to the appearance of the poem.
