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Deleted7 total reviews
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Your post is very profound and rooted in a subject which is more and more talked about today. I believe that there is a beginning whatever age or stage in life we are. The sun always shines brighter after the stormy days. I wish all men and women who are in this situation know that new beginnings start by a bold decision: just walk away from the monster.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Your post is very profound and rooted in a subject which is more and more talked about today. I believe that there is a beginning whatever age or stage in life we are. The sun always shines brighter after the stormy days. I wish all men and women who are in this situation know that new beginnings start by a bold decision: just walk away from the monster.
Comment Written 31-May-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much. And yes I agree, everyday is a new and the most important thing to do is put one foot in front of the other who knows where life will take you
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Welcome to the Fanstory community of writers. We are glad you have joined us. In your poem you show us how subtle this kind of emotional abuse is, the cruelest kind because it is soul-crushing. The rhyme and flow are very well done, but there are many spelling and grammar mistakes that need correcting. With editing this piece will really shine.
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Welcome to the Fanstory community of writers. We are glad you have joined us. In your poem you show us how subtle this kind of emotional abuse is, the cruelest kind because it is soul-crushing. The rhyme and flow are very well done, but there are many spelling and grammar mistakes that need correcting. With editing this piece will really shine.
Comment Written 31-May-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is such a poignant and deeply emotional post. There is a need to run it through the spellcheck though and read it out loud to understand that, by cutting out some of the words, your lines could flow so much better. For example, instead of "I know he's going to make it tough" concentrate the words into "I know he'll make it touch." And this could be applied in quite a few cases. It makes it all more compact and readable and ultimately gives the verse better impact. Also, shortening the whole poem would keep the reader focussed as your work rightfully deserves. Otherwise, there's much here that is skilfully expressed and, warranting for your first post, an excellent. Congratulations! Debbie
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This is such a poignant and deeply emotional post. There is a need to run it through the spellcheck though and read it out loud to understand that, by cutting out some of the words, your lines could flow so much better. For example, instead of "I know he's going to make it tough" concentrate the words into "I know he'll make it touch." And this could be applied in quite a few cases. It makes it all more compact and readable and ultimately gives the verse better impact. Also, shortening the whole poem would keep the reader focussed as your work rightfully deserves. Otherwise, there's much here that is skilfully expressed and, warranting for your first post, an excellent. Congratulations! Debbie
Comment Written 01-May-2023
Comment from Ricky1024
This Milestone, "Release" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
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This Milestone, "Release" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 01-May-2023
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you could go through this again and have a look at areas around punctuation. You use some and not others and not always consistently. It can very impactful to punctuation these pieces as it gives greater emphasis and stresses on particular things.
Thou he says it everyday- I would use though here as thou means you.
emotional abuse is far worse by far and all other types of abuse usually contain an emotional element.
I hope this was cathartic, although from a reader's point of view it outstays its welcome a bit. It's quite long and feels repetitive.
Al the best
GMG
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Hi there,
I think you could go through this again and have a look at areas around punctuation. You use some and not others and not always consistently. It can very impactful to punctuation these pieces as it gives greater emphasis and stresses on particular things.
Thou he says it everyday- I would use though here as thou means you.
emotional abuse is far worse by far and all other types of abuse usually contain an emotional element.
I hope this was cathartic, although from a reader's point of view it outstays its welcome a bit. It's quite long and feels repetitive.
Al the best
GMG
Comment Written 01-May-2023
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness this is an epic first write and this is a terrible abusive situation to be in and one cannot live a good life when it is being controlled by another. Many women stay as they are afraid to leave and the abuse continues, it is so very sad. Good rhymes here and the metre is a but bumpy in places, but I can see the talent in this pen, I welcome you to Fanstory, love Dolly x
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Oh my goodness this is an epic first write and this is a terrible abusive situation to be in and one cannot live a good life when it is being controlled by another. Many women stay as they are afraid to leave and the abuse continues, it is so very sad. Good rhymes here and the metre is a but bumpy in places, but I can see the talent in this pen, I welcome you to Fanstory, love Dolly x
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
Comment from Aussie
A spelling errors = Hes-He's, Tho - Though - blead - bleed - My sole - soul - Im - I'm - dieing - dying - ment - meant - Fill my lungs - My sole - soul. Take heart and use a spellchecker! Your diary is common today, so many women are being abused and yet they can't leave him. If you fix the errors, I will update the rating. Blessings, K
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A spelling errors = Hes-He's, Tho - Though - blead - bleed - My sole - soul - Im - I'm - dieing - dying - ment - meant - Fill my lungs - My sole - soul. Take heart and use a spellchecker! Your diary is common today, so many women are being abused and yet they can't leave him. If you fix the errors, I will update the rating. Blessings, K
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
