Tanka Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 146 "Drifting in the Sea"Romantic Tanka Poems
8 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
To think of a person as being discarded is so very sad, what an excellent Tanka, the message and alliteration are wonderful, very well written and presented****kahpot
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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To think of a person as being discarded is so very sad, what an excellent Tanka, the message and alliteration are wonderful, very well written and presented****kahpot
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Humans should never be among discarded things. We're humans, but some people do treat others as less than human. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Humans should never be among discarded things. We're humans, but some people do treat others as less than human. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much, Barbara. I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine poem, Gypsy----and except for the kimono, the gender, the nationality, and the fact she has hair, I see myself in the picture and relate to the words!
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Another fine poem, Gypsy----and except for the kimono, the gender, the nationality, and the fact she has hair, I see myself in the picture and relate to the words!
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much, Mike. I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
That feels so sad to be among the "discarded things" which shows how the lover has put no value in the relationship and has abandoned the narrator, leaving her to drift in his unloving coldness.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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That feels so sad to be among the "discarded things" which shows how the lover has put no value in the relationship and has abandoned the narrator, leaving her to drift in his unloving coldness.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much, Big Sister. I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful weekend.
Love,
Marival
Comment from shelley kaye
for some reason "on your discarded things raft" just doesn't sound/read right, yet i can't put my finger on why
so it may be just me lol
other than that, i liked the
abandoned
adrift at sea
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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for some reason "on your discarded things raft" just doesn't sound/read right, yet i can't put my finger on why
so it may be just me lol
other than that, i liked the
abandoned
adrift at sea
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from aryr
This was an amazing tanka, Gypsy. I really liked the painting by Ikenaga Yasunari because it was truly sad like your poem. Your words were sad because they showed the sadness of your words. Blessed Be n Hugs!!!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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This was an amazing tanka, Gypsy. I really liked the painting by Ikenaga Yasunari because it was truly sad like your poem. Your words were sad because they showed the sadness of your words. Blessed Be n Hugs!!!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback. Blessed be.
Gypsy hugs
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Most welcome, Gypsy.
Comment from royowen
One of the best metaphors is water, and the sea is even better, it conjures all sorts of imaginative visions of the mind, and you've written it perfectly Gypsy, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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One of the best metaphors is water, and the sea is even better, it conjures all sorts of imaginative visions of the mind, and you've written it perfectly Gypsy, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much! Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
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Most welcome
Comment from kiwisteveh
I enjoyed your tanka. I was certainly struck by the image you created in line 2 of the 'discarded things raft' which sets the tone and the reader's expectations for the rest of the poem. It is clear that the discarded thing refer to much more than personal items past their use-by date and that the raft is more likely constructed of past relationships.
I paused a little as you combined drifting with turbulent seas - somehow I associate drifting with more peaceful seas. I wonder if 'to be tossed' might be a better prelude to the coming final line?
Steve
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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I enjoyed your tanka. I was certainly struck by the image you created in line 2 of the 'discarded things raft' which sets the tone and the reader's expectations for the rest of the poem. It is clear that the discarded thing refer to much more than personal items past their use-by date and that the raft is more likely constructed of past relationships.
I paused a little as you combined drifting with turbulent seas - somehow I associate drifting with more peaceful seas. I wonder if 'to be tossed' might be a better prelude to the coming final line?
Steve
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much, Steve, I appreciate your exceptional six stars review and helpfull feedback. I made some changes it does sound better.
Gypsy hugs