Hell is in Your Mind
Hell is in your mind and nowhere else.2 total reviews
Comment from Eternal Muse
Wow, you pictured hell exactly as I imagined it (lol). That picture is worth a thousand words. You brought out well that often hell is in our minds only.
I think, you need an apostrophe after "madness" - i.e."madness' frustration".
I believe, centering it may enhance the presentation.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2023
  |
Wow, you pictured hell exactly as I imagined it (lol). That picture is worth a thousand words. You brought out well that often hell is in our minds only.
I think, you need an apostrophe after "madness" - i.e."madness' frustration".
I believe, centering it may enhance the presentation.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your help and kind review! I have made the corrections and have centered it.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
The title and the line above it show a better mindset than the first line in your Senryu. I like the thinking that Hell is only in your mind.
But the last line it feels like struggling isn't the best way to end this poem as far as I am concerned.
Jesse
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2023
|
The title and the line above it show a better mindset than the first line in your Senryu. I like the thinking that Hell is only in your mind.
But the last line it feels like struggling isn't the best way to end this poem as far as I am concerned.
Jesse
Comment Written 26-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2023
-
Thank you! I have changed the last line. Can you please take another look?
-
I did, and it still needs work, in my opinion.