Ageing Disgracefully
Tetractys poem about giving up or living hopefully.9 total reviews
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Very subtle poem, yer sadly true! And for any career, it will come a birthday where the dreams are cut short!! Mine already happened. Great way of expressing this in a poem!
Congratulations for your win!!
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Very subtle poem, yer sadly true! And for any career, it will come a birthday where the dreams are cut short!! Mine already happened. Great way of expressing this in a poem!
Congratulations for your win!!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2023
Comment from Julie Lau
Yes! I can identify with this! Well done to handle the poem's specifications. Incidentally I have written a free-form poem along the same lines -called I Won't be Like You, it's in my portfolio. Love you to take a look. Yours, Julie Lau
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Yes! I can identify with this! Well done to handle the poem's specifications. Incidentally I have written a free-form poem along the same lines -called I Won't be Like You, it's in my portfolio. Love you to take a look. Yours, Julie Lau
Comment Written 31-Mar-2023
Comment from JLR
Oh the sad innuendo that age staves off dreaming of youthful delights. Your tetracyt meets ten required syllabic requirement and while glib, in it's poking at aging, it is humorous. Good luck
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Oh the sad innuendo that age staves off dreaming of youthful delights. Your tetracyt meets ten required syllabic requirement and while glib, in it's poking at aging, it is humorous. Good luck
Comment Written 31-Mar-2023
Comment from royowen
My wife did actually dance in a cage as a sexy go go girl...before I met her, I think even now she would like to have the physical capacity to do it again, well done, blessjngs Roy
Suggestion, : dreams that dance as a sexy, go go girl, (puts in the necessary article A)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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My wife did actually dance in a cage as a sexy go go girl...before I met her, I think even now she would like to have the physical capacity to do it again, well done, blessjngs Roy
Suggestion, : dreams that dance as a sexy, go go girl, (puts in the necessary article A)
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Thanks for reviewing, Roy. I heeded your suggestion but tweaked it slightly to read:
dancing dreams as a sexy go-go girl. (but kept the minimal punctuation).
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Excellent choice, good luck
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Thank you, Roy.
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Most welcome
Comment from Wendy G
I like the double meaning of this one. It's very clever! I hope it is that she is inspired to fulfil whatever dreams and aspirations she has. Don't. Worry about the candles, just keep a fire extinguisher handy. Lol. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
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I like the double meaning of this one. It's very clever! I hope it is that she is inspired to fulfil whatever dreams and aspirations she has. Don't. Worry about the candles, just keep a fire extinguisher handy. Lol. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
Comment from Amanda Black
I really like this. You don't have to say explicitly what the person is feeling. It can be inferred by the tradition of the birthday cake and the candles counting the age of a person.
Turning the flame of the candles into a destructive force works well with conveying how advanced age can destroy a dream that may be dependent on youth.
Additionally, the imagery of the dream being burned gives a sense of the finality of the destruction. It's ashes now. It cannot be retrieved.
This also gives a sense of the despair and hopelessness of the birthday girl. It gives you a sense of what's important to her and a peak into who she is.
Thank you for sharing!
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I really like this. You don't have to say explicitly what the person is feeling. It can be inferred by the tradition of the birthday cake and the candles counting the age of a person.
Turning the flame of the candles into a destructive force works well with conveying how advanced age can destroy a dream that may be dependent on youth.
Additionally, the imagery of the dream being burned gives a sense of the finality of the destruction. It's ashes now. It cannot be retrieved.
This also gives a sense of the despair and hopelessness of the birthday girl. It gives you a sense of what's important to her and a peak into who she is.
Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
The candles are burning, on fire so there's none to blow when making a wish. I wish I may, I wish I might .... do you remember the words of this poem? I wish I may, I wish I might Have the one wish I want tonight. To be in your arms, being held so tight, holding me close all through the night.
What happened to the sexy go-go girl? I think it was only a wish perhaps.
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The candles are burning, on fire so there's none to blow when making a wish. I wish I may, I wish I might .... do you remember the words of this poem? I wish I may, I wish I might Have the one wish I want tonight. To be in your arms, being held so tight, holding me close all through the night.
What happened to the sexy go-go girl? I think it was only a wish perhaps.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
Comment from Raul1
Your poem made me laugh all the way to the ending. It's hilarious and flat out funny. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing! Good luck!
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Your poem made me laugh all the way to the ending. It's hilarious and flat out funny. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing! Good luck!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
Comment from jessizero
I got a thrill out of this poem. You did a great job with the syllable count, and I love the double meaning behind the fire here. Thank you so much for sharing this, and best wishes to you.
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I got a thrill out of this poem. You did a great job with the syllable count, and I love the double meaning behind the fire here. Thank you so much for sharing this, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
