Guided by Faith
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Faith Chapter 5 A"Can faith guide our path?
38 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
For some reason I haven't been getting these. This is a very good chapter with Emma trying to help identify a stalker. Seth and Jake certainly enjoy teasing her.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
  |
For some reason I haven't been getting these. This is a very good chapter with Emma trying to help identify a stalker. Seth and Jake certainly enjoy teasing her.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
-
Thank you, HUGS!!!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Appears Peggy does not like Emma hanging around Seth. Confrontation brewing.
Seems Seth wants nothing to do with Peggy and is trying to avoid her by turning down the dinner invites.
Bit of a question about him hugging Emma after she gave the composite. Seems a bit sudden.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2023
|
Appears Peggy does not like Emma hanging around Seth. Confrontation brewing.
Seems Seth wants nothing to do with Peggy and is trying to avoid her by turning down the dinner invites.
Bit of a question about him hugging Emma after she gave the composite. Seems a bit sudden.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2023
-
I will go back and reread. I thought Jake hugged her, not Seth. I need to make sure that's clear. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Soledadpaz
Excellent back and forth during the police sketch. Lots of funny asides. Great pacing.
That Peggy sure comes across as sour right off the bat. Sees competition everywhere!
I ran out of sixes, but am enjoying the story. I grew up in Texas so it almost feels homey to read a story set there.
Sol
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2023
|
Excellent back and forth during the police sketch. Lots of funny asides. Great pacing.
That Peggy sure comes across as sour right off the bat. Sees competition everywhere!
I ran out of sixes, but am enjoying the story. I grew up in Texas so it almost feels homey to read a story set there.
Sol
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2023
-
Yes, Peggy will be a constant pain. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Douglas Goff
I think you really nailed down the dialogue. Also the sketch program is pretty accurate. It is very generic so the more details that are added the better the drawing comes out.
Good stuff. Characters are great.
D
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2023
 |
I think you really nailed down the dialogue. Also the sketch program is pretty accurate. It is very generic so the more details that are added the better the drawing comes out.
Good stuff. Characters are great.
D
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2023
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Frank Malley
This half-chapter starts with an acquaintance speaking very brashly to the chapter's central character, Emma. This second line spoken by Ms. Barton seems to aggressively challenging; maybe a 'Hunh, take a ticket' would've worked a little more realistically. Mrs. Wilkey's development of the attraction between Emma and Seth got my attention, and Emma's rather innocent shyness added dimension to this episode.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
|
This half-chapter starts with an acquaintance speaking very brashly to the chapter's central character, Emma. This second line spoken by Ms. Barton seems to aggressively challenging; maybe a 'Hunh, take a ticket' would've worked a little more realistically. Mrs. Wilkey's development of the attraction between Emma and Seth got my attention, and Emma's rather innocent shyness added dimension to this episode.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review. If you continue to read my post, you will see this is in character for Peggy.
-
Wow. You've really made her despicable! Frank
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think Peggy will be trouble, especially as she's after Seth. I agree with what Emma said, there does seem to be a lot of head shaking when she's around, perhaps it's like that when she's not around, as well? Emma gave a good description of that man. Now I'm wondering what he's all about. Lots of questions in this chapter, now to begin finding out what the answers are! Well done, Barbara, another excellent chapter in your new book. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
|
I think Peggy will be trouble, especially as she's after Seth. I agree with what Emma said, there does seem to be a lot of head shaking when she's around, perhaps it's like that when she's not around, as well? Emma gave a good description of that man. Now I'm wondering what he's all about. Lots of questions in this chapter, now to begin finding out what the answers are! Well done, Barbara, another excellent chapter in your new book. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
-
Peggy will be trouble!!!! Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Alaskastory
"Faith Chapter 5 A" is full of action and moves nicely. I found no fault with description of activity. However in the dialog with Seth and Emma as she is identifying the screen shots, I would appreciate more speaker identify. One example is in: "She (Emma) closed her eyes. "Extremely....". Closer to the later dialog she was more often identified.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
|
"Faith Chapter 5 A" is full of action and moves nicely. I found no fault with description of activity. However in the dialog with Seth and Emma as she is identifying the screen shots, I would appreciate more speaker identify. One example is in: "She (Emma) closed her eyes. "Extremely....". Closer to the later dialog she was more often identified.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
-
Emma is the only female in that conversation. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
A good image for your chapter, barbara. He definitely looks like trouble. You do a good job with the task of making a composite so Seth and Jake could can try to identify the man Emma saw.
I like the part where she asks if she can tweak a few features, and it seems to complete the whole picture. I also like how you tie in the beginning with Peggy and her effort to dismiss Emma and let her know her feelings about Seth, and then at the end, dating is mentioned, and Seth says he is not dating anyone. A good conclusion, as well.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
|
A good image for your chapter, barbara. He definitely looks like trouble. You do a good job with the task of making a composite so Seth and Jake could can try to identify the man Emma saw.
I like the part where she asks if she can tweak a few features, and it seems to complete the whole picture. I also like how you tie in the beginning with Peggy and her effort to dismiss Emma and let her know her feelings about Seth, and then at the end, dating is mentioned, and Seth says he is not dating anyone. A good conclusion, as well.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
-
You are welcome.
Comment from Sanku
Peggy, in the future could be a nuisance ,with her possessiveness.The mystery remains as to why the stranger was staring at her .He surely would be a trouble creator.....
Very well written.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
|
Peggy, in the future could be a nuisance ,with her possessiveness.The mystery remains as to why the stranger was staring at her .He surely would be a trouble creator.....
Very well written.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
-
Peggy will be a problem for Emma and Seth's relationship. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This sure seems like it has realistic characters and dialogue that moves the characterization and plot along. I may have missed the previous post. It sounds like there is a disturbing person that Emma is describing. It also sounds like she has some technical and artistic abilities on her own, which is usually a bonus for people going into teaching, since she is able to change the eye shape on a computer program. A couple of suggestions:
"Ms. Winters, what can you remember about this man, besides he's old maybe in his early thirties?"
This is a run-on. Maybe try:
"Ms. Winters, what can you remember about this man, besides saying he's older, maybe in his early thirties?"
Also: "Yeah, being in early thirties is pretty old."
I would just insert 'your' in front of early thirties.
Also: Seth, have you made thirty, yet?"
I think this is minor, but I would take the comma out after thirty.
Also: They burrowed into me."
I would assume you were deciding between 'bored' and 'burrowed.' For some reason, I associate 'burrowed' more with fuzzy little animals, so the stronger, more ominous word is 'bored.' Of course these changes are always suggestions and not anything life-changing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
|
This sure seems like it has realistic characters and dialogue that moves the characterization and plot along. I may have missed the previous post. It sounds like there is a disturbing person that Emma is describing. It also sounds like she has some technical and artistic abilities on her own, which is usually a bonus for people going into teaching, since she is able to change the eye shape on a computer program. A couple of suggestions:
"Ms. Winters, what can you remember about this man, besides he's old maybe in his early thirties?"
This is a run-on. Maybe try:
"Ms. Winters, what can you remember about this man, besides saying he's older, maybe in his early thirties?"
Also: "Yeah, being in early thirties is pretty old."
I would just insert 'your' in front of early thirties.
Also: Seth, have you made thirty, yet?"
I think this is minor, but I would take the comma out after thirty.
Also: They burrowed into me."
I would assume you were deciding between 'bored' and 'burrowed.' For some reason, I associate 'burrowed' more with fuzzy little animals, so the stronger, more ominous word is 'bored.' Of course these changes are always suggestions and not anything life-changing.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
-
Thank you I made the suggested corrections. Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
