Lessons Learned and Spiritual
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Good and Bad Reviewing"Do good and feel good poems
57 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Some reviews are so stupid that, if you let them, they can provide you with a hearty laugh and a good portion of that day's entertainment. Rather than insults, you can consider them gifts.
Incorrect judgments can be shrugged off. Like, if someone told me I had an ugly singing voice or I was a clumsy-looking dancer, I would be highly amused. Such words would have absolutely no impact on me because they were so totally stupid.
But words that rile us up do so because they've struck at a suspected fear we already have about our inadequacies. The speaker of them has heard our doubting Little Voice and attached a megaphone to it.
You can react in two ways: become indignant and enlist a friend's help to try to humiliate the speaker -- a sort of Safety in Numbers Schtick-- as a way to nullify or invalidate them, or you can evaluate their words and use them as an opportunity to grow and improve.
The choice always belongs to you.
But, to me, it seems that if you've invested your time and hard work and $ into a writing site, you should sort your reviewers' chaff from their grain and, thereby, enable yourself to grow. Stretching ourselves often hurts. But in the long run, it also improves us.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Some reviews are so stupid that, if you let them, they can provide you with a hearty laugh and a good portion of that day's entertainment. Rather than insults, you can consider them gifts.
Incorrect judgments can be shrugged off. Like, if someone told me I had an ugly singing voice or I was a clumsy-looking dancer, I would be highly amused. Such words would have absolutely no impact on me because they were so totally stupid.
But words that rile us up do so because they've struck at a suspected fear we already have about our inadequacies. The speaker of them has heard our doubting Little Voice and attached a megaphone to it.
You can react in two ways: become indignant and enlist a friend's help to try to humiliate the speaker -- a sort of Safety in Numbers Schtick-- as a way to nullify or invalidate them, or you can evaluate their words and use them as an opportunity to grow and improve.
The choice always belongs to you.
But, to me, it seems that if you've invested your time and hard work and $ into a writing site, you should sort your reviewers' chaff from their grain and, thereby, enable yourself to grow. Stretching ourselves often hurts. But in the long run, it also improves us.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Oh Rachelle, I wish I had that wonderful capacity of strength. I think our life's circumstances make such a difference in how we are able to accept them and move on. I am so much stronger than what I once was, but it no longer means that I need to accept unfair and untrue accusations. I have never enlisted anyone to help in any way. But people read reviews and react as they see the unfairness. I think if I ever heard anyone say those horrible things that you mentioned to you, I would gain that strength and see a mama bear come out and would jump to your defense. I think it is good to have each others back, but in fairness and respect. My brother always asked me if I can find that for someone I love, why could I not do that for myself. It is hard, but I try harder every day. You are such a strong and beautiful woman, but I somehow can't picture you accepting someone accusing you of things that you know are not true. There has to be a line between respectful criticism and feedback and slander.
I came here for healing which is within myself, I know. But right is right and wrong is wrong, and it amazes me how they can get turned around.
I consider you a good friend and I appreciate your feedback and honesty. I guess it's part of the feistiness and strength that I admire most about you, but I also know you to be a woman of integrity and you deserve to be treated with nothing less. I know it is unrealistic to think that if you treat others with respect, you will get that back. But there are ways to help others and say things in a different manner of speaking that are not so belittling. I lost my entire childhood because I didn't demand better for myself. Like I tell my husband, if I say it, then it is so. But I do not do revenge and talk people down, to make myself feel better doing so. There are a couple things that have happened that have hurt me, and in one situation, I tried everything including offering of proof. Yet the ridicule didn't stop, so I was forced to finally take care of myself. I learn new how I could do something different every day of my life, but I learn much better when someone comes to me with respect and kindness. That is a more realistic human nature.
I have heard some of the things that have been said against me, and if I were a deceitful person, I may retaliate in the same fashion, but I have not done that. I just hurt for others who have gone thru the same attacks.
And I have nothing but that respect for you Rachelle. I just think that we should have each others back, but in a healthier and more honest way of doing so. Before we accuse, we should get all the facts, because assuming is so wrong. And none of that was aimed at you, as I do appreciate your honest feedback.
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I'd never want another grown-up to intercede on my behalf as I am the queen of pithy comments and more than capable of fighting my own battles.
My point was, any comments that hurt my feelings are the ones I listen to because I sense there must be a truth in them that I recognize and am embarrassed about. I can improve from a revelation like that.
I have my friend's backs, and they all know that. But I also trust them to be capable enough to not need only my support --a strong shoulder, a listening ear-- not my vocal intercession.
Neither is "wrong" or "right." It's just personal and different.
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Hon, that is exactly why so much of this is so hurtful because they are accusations without any truth. If you ask anyone who has responded on my behalf of those cruel reviews and accusations they would tell you that I did not in any way contact or go crying to them or know that they were speaking out on my behalf.
I tried to handle it kindly and personally, and anything written was without my knowledge.
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Wait; didn't this all get started, though, because you did that "Mama Bear" thing on behalf of someone else? And then, from there, it just snowballed? All bc of a truly clueless reviewer? (Said reviewer has said equally clueless things to me, and my friends and I belly laugh about them. How said reviewer could "hurt" is beyond my scope. It's the equivalent of a middle schooler telling Mariah Carey she has no talent. Absolutely laughable. It should have been immediately filed under "Consider the source." I mean, if people want to pick their emotional scabs, have at it, I guess. But, for me, it was SOOOO much ado about absolutely nothing. Some people are rude. So what? Ignore them. Mute them! But let them affect your life for days? That seems like a really ineffectual use of time (and eyesight!)
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Now I'm confused. I am not sure which one you were talking about either but the only one that someone came to my defense was this one. And actually, it just gets sad when you are happy doing what your doing and one or two people start accusing. It isn't as much the picking and rudeness as being wrongly accused. I don't know which one this is about either but I didnt start the conversation.
Once again, because it is hard to detect tone, nothing against you. I have been confused since the harassment started. Never provoked and no revengeful acts, but I at a crucial time in my life that I have to demand how I allow myself to be treated, I swallowed it and let someone shame my enemies childhood and it has taken a lot to get to the point of not felling apart if someone was upset w me for something. Now, if there is anything to it, i will change w no problem. However the fact that I have not started any, nor asked anyone to side w me. Nor will I assume that someone sent you to talk me, because that would be wrong. I have considered the source w them and did not mute, but was muted over nothing i did. I had hoped for things to change. Nothing gets resolved w muting so I have only done it twice. Her and I used to get along great and all of a sudden the accusations came. But I did plead ignorance because it was something I didn't know I should do, after that it just got stupid. Once again, you are talking to the one who has not initiated. But I don't want anyone hurt. Don't you see Rachelle, if the reviewer is hurt, then it shows that there is something you or your friends don't understand about them. People like us can't change the fact that we hurt so easily, any more than you can that you don't. Don't you see that it is a product of our environment, childhood chemical makeup or faith. Whatever. I with all due respect I hate to see her hurt because of this either. I just can;t do anything about it because I have never started it. Please hon, don't laugh, as we don't know what another is going thru. Now I am talking on her behalf. I have always admired her too and considered a friend. I just want to leave this world knowing that I never hurt someone else without making amends. Thanks so much my sweet friend. I admire you so much, and only wished I was a little more like you. But i am trying. Hugs!
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Nope. I entered this conversation solely exclusively of my own volition. My friends are not the type who need or solicit help. They are more than capable. I just became incredulous when I saw this continuing on and on ad nauseam.
It feels like that Old Timey saying about "Why are you beating your head against the wall?" with the answer: "'cause it feels so good when I stop."
Myself, I'm stopping now.
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Lol, hon, I have been doing the same for weeks and I keep wondering why? Either way, I do respect you and your opinion so much. Thanks Rachelle.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Such a good situational question: "And when they're done, you ask yourself, was this to be a roast" I have been offended, discouraged & angry when someone gives me a 3 or 4. Then I get over it. Some have not written a single poem or story. Then I can be smug. This was a good topic. I'm sure you will get similar stories.
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Such a good situational question: "And when they're done, you ask yourself, was this to be a roast" I have been offended, discouraged & angry when someone gives me a 3 or 4. Then I get over it. Some have not written a single poem or story. Then I can be smug. This was a good topic. I'm sure you will get similar stories.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Like your friend, in my early days of writing I was devestated by bad reviews but the helpful one, they help each of us to improve. If I don't understand the meaning of a post I don't review. This is well said Debi and those that this may apply to, well they won't realise it anyway.ð???
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Like your friend, in my early days of writing I was devestated by bad reviews but the helpful one, they help each of us to improve. If I don't understand the meaning of a post I don't review. This is well said Debi and those that this may apply to, well they won't realise it anyway.ð???
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Valda, you are so sweet. I had deleted my authors notes for a bit to rewrite. I hope it is better understood that way. I agree with you completely that we should not be judged because they didn't like free verse or because it didn't speak to them or things like that. Yes, skip them if they are hard to read. And it may speak to others, right? But I cannot handle rude and disrespectful. That is where I draw the line. Tell me anything you want, but do it in a respectful tone. .... So I thank you so very much for your lovely review and kind words for my poem. It's so appreciated, my dear friend!
Comment from Brandon Clark
We've all thought and you just said it...lol. This was spot on Debi. I've had only a few but was lucky enough that it was buried by 5 and 6 star reviews in short order, so no big deal. But I can certainly relate and find it ironic that they can write a critique, yet they can barely spell or use elementary grammar practices...just an observation.
Very good of you to do this for your friend! Tell her we've all got her back and will help her on her writing journey!
Your friend,
Brandon
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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We've all thought and you just said it...lol. This was spot on Debi. I've had only a few but was lucky enough that it was buried by 5 and 6 star reviews in short order, so no big deal. But I can certainly relate and find it ironic that they can write a critique, yet they can barely spell or use elementary grammar practices...just an observation.
Very good of you to do this for your friend! Tell her we've all got her back and will help her on her writing journey!
Your friend,
Brandon
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
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You are the greatest! Thanks Brandon, for the respectful review, kind comments and awesome six stars! This is how it's done, dear friend!
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Debi,
Yes, there are reviewers who get a totally different meaning than you intended. But, if I reread the poem and understand how they could get to their interpretation, I accept it.
What I don't like are when the review and the rating don't match. Like when the review seems to be a rave yet you were given 3 stars. Or when the reviewer says I gave you three stars because I don't like free verse. So if you don't like it, don't read it.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Debi,
Yes, there are reviewers who get a totally different meaning than you intended. But, if I reread the poem and understand how they could get to their interpretation, I accept it.
What I don't like are when the review and the rating don't match. Like when the review seems to be a rave yet you were given 3 stars. Or when the reviewer says I gave you three stars because I don't like free verse. So if you don't like it, don't read it.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Joan, you are so sweet. I had deleted my authors notes for a bit to rewrite. I hope it is better understood that way. I agree with you completely that we should not be judged because they didn't like free verse or because it didn't speak to them or things like that. Yes, skip them if they are hard to read. And it may have spoke to others, right? But I cannot handle rude and disrespectful. That is where I draw the line. Tell me anything you want, but do it in a respectful tone. .... So I thank you so very much for your lovely review and kind words for my poem. It's so appreciated, my dear friend!
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You are most kindly welcome., Debi. I agree that respect is an important part of reviewing.
Joan
Comment from Julie Lau
Ooh aah, I asked myself, did I inspire this with my 4? Shall I read it again as you suggested and give 5? Then I saw it had achieved 5+ average and decided Nah, you don't need me. Fact is, now I'm a member of some weeks' standing, I can see that it's better, if one cannot in all consciousness give a 5 or 6, it's better to skip and move on. I gave a 4 to someone whose scanning is non-existent and got an unjustified 4 back. We avoid each other now. One guy gave someone a 2 and they practically roared down the wires and ripped him a new one. It's okay, I realise now that reviews should always encourage, and help if necessary. Humbly, Julie Lau
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Ooh aah, I asked myself, did I inspire this with my 4? Shall I read it again as you suggested and give 5? Then I saw it had achieved 5+ average and decided Nah, you don't need me. Fact is, now I'm a member of some weeks' standing, I can see that it's better, if one cannot in all consciousness give a 5 or 6, it's better to skip and move on. I gave a 4 to someone whose scanning is non-existent and got an unjustified 4 back. We avoid each other now. One guy gave someone a 2 and they practically roared down the wires and ripped him a new one. It's okay, I realise now that reviews should always encourage, and help if necessary. Humbly, Julie Lau
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Julie, the only thing I ever ask is an explanation of what should be changed if you get a four or less. I didn't realize at first that the norm for one that doesn't need changes is five. Then I realized that even the site that considers a four a bad rating, even tho it says good. Because it does affect the ranks. Which is something important to some, not so much to others. But what gets to me is that there's sometimes those who judge you for your preference. Julie, you have not been here long enough, but you are a good reviewer. You once pointed out something I could change, I did and I appreciated the help. That is what we do here. I just can't handle rating on things that have nothing to do with how we should rate. Like the subject of our post. It has nothing to do with our writing but worth being told its boring.
But this post was about a friend that wrote a chapter to her story. A reviewer who had obviously not read it, tore it apart, asked stupid questions that would have been obvious if he read it, and then mocked her for it.
So this was to point out two things: disrespect has no gray, as it is black and white. You either have it or you don't. I will not tolerate it. ... and to say Read the posts so that you can rate it properly. And anyone who gives a revengeful rating has no right to call themselves part of this community or as I call it, a second family. You may be new,, but you are a fast learner my friend. Don't second guess yourself, but if you can give feedback, please don't skip. Some love it and some reject. If you see it is a hopeless case, Ouch! That is a hard one. Hahaha!
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Thanks so much Debi for taking the time to explain things in such depth. I do suggest changes in punctuation and grammar where I think appropriate, and they usually are appreciated. But sometimes...No! she cried with a shudder, and moved on. Yours pedantically, Julie L
Comment from Sanku
In my initial years in fanstory ,i genuinely thought 4 stars meant 'good' really good.whenever i gave 4 stars the writers were hurt and one of them was downright rude .They demanded why one star was taken off .Then I started reading other's reviews and noticed that 5 seems to be a kind of norm .Even when the poems didnt make any sense they were given 5 stars.There was a writer whose poems always made to the home page often the the first item.They used to get 40 plus reviews ,mostly 5. one or two would frankly say that they could not make head or tails of the work.
To my surprise one year he was given 9th rank !!
Actually it took me a couple of years to understand the trend and norms here..
I agree with you when you say that many dont even read the post properly.
Some are overly critical about periods and space issues ....
Thank you for sharing your feelings.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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In my initial years in fanstory ,i genuinely thought 4 stars meant 'good' really good.whenever i gave 4 stars the writers were hurt and one of them was downright rude .They demanded why one star was taken off .Then I started reading other's reviews and noticed that 5 seems to be a kind of norm .Even when the poems didnt make any sense they were given 5 stars.There was a writer whose poems always made to the home page often the the first item.They used to get 40 plus reviews ,mostly 5. one or two would frankly say that they could not make head or tails of the work.
To my surprise one year he was given 9th rank !!
Actually it took me a couple of years to understand the trend and norms here..
I agree with you when you say that many dont even read the post properly.
Some are overly critical about periods and space issues ....
Thank you for sharing your feelings.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Hi Santha. You are so sweet. I had deleted my authors notes for a bit to rewrite. I hope it is better understood that way. I agree with you completely that we should not be judged because they didn't like free verse or because it didn't speak to them or things like that. Yes, skip them if they are hard to understand? But I cannot handle rude and disrespectful. That is where I draw the line. Tell me anything you want, but do it in a respectful tone. .... So I thank you so very much for your lovely review and kind words for my poem. It's so appreciated, my dear friend!
Comment from bob cullen
Sorry all my sixes have gone missing. This is worthy of the maximum but Tom doesn't give me enough. This post could so easily have been written by so many Fanstorians. I think most of us have been left at one time asking that old question. What are they on?
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Sorry all my sixes have gone missing. This is worthy of the maximum but Tom doesn't give me enough. This post could so easily have been written by so many Fanstorians. I think most of us have been left at one time asking that old question. What are they on?
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
I've found that for the most part, everyone gives fair and helpful reviews. I've gotten, like everyone else, a few reviews that were less than 5 stars for reasons I disagreed with, but I thanked the reviewer for their thoughts. I never feel my writing is criticized. Its critiqued. That's why I'm here. Hopefully this post will encourage writers to provide helpful, not hurtful reviews.
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I've found that for the most part, everyone gives fair and helpful reviews. I've gotten, like everyone else, a few reviews that were less than 5 stars for reasons I disagreed with, but I thanked the reviewer for their thoughts. I never feel my writing is criticized. Its critiqued. That's why I'm here. Hopefully this post will encourage writers to provide helpful, not hurtful reviews.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is something that has been spoke about many times by members, but never administrators at FanStory. The site give... basic instructions on reviewing and replying to reviews. Very basic. It requires a certain number of characters but that's it.
I'll be blunt. For the most part. Reviewing on FanStory... SUCKS!! Those who give low, mean spirited silly reviews are bad, no doubt, but they are not the majority.
The vast majority of bad reviews are the many fake, faux praise and automatic five star reviews, no matter how awful or nonsensical the post.
What's worse, is many of those fake-fives come from top-rated, senior members who believe being kind and lying their butts off is the same thing. We have members who haven't given less than a five star in years winning the Reviewer of the Month award... multiple times.
Then when an honest reviewer comes along and given a fair rating, they are muted or attacked.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Hmm, this is something that has been spoke about many times by members, but never administrators at FanStory. The site give... basic instructions on reviewing and replying to reviews. Very basic. It requires a certain number of characters but that's it.
I'll be blunt. For the most part. Reviewing on FanStory... SUCKS!! Those who give low, mean spirited silly reviews are bad, no doubt, but they are not the majority.
The vast majority of bad reviews are the many fake, faux praise and automatic five star reviews, no matter how awful or nonsensical the post.
What's worse, is many of those fake-fives come from top-rated, senior members who believe being kind and lying their butts off is the same thing. We have members who haven't given less than a five star in years winning the Reviewer of the Month award... multiple times.
Then when an honest reviewer comes along and given a fair rating, they are muted or attacked.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Hi there lance. This started mostly because of someone who did not read a friend's story and then had the guts to question it, mock, criticize and for what? All of the answers were in the story, yet he mocked her and hurt her badly. We work hard on our posts and nobody deserves that disrespect.
I agree that honesty and integrity is the reason for my post. In that honesty I will say that I am too emotional of a person to say it how it is, so it is easier when I do review, with the little eye power I have after writing and thanking, is to give the ones that I like my five stars. I agree that they shouldn't hand everybody a five, but I also am putting myself on a limb to say, I don't have the heart to do it. The few times that I so kindly offered help, went out of my way to show how it would suit them better (I mean a couple hours out of my way) and they ignored me and they didn't listen. WHY? Because everyone else told them how great it was. So why should they listen to the me. I tried and got shut down, and that's fine. I just learned my lesson.
However my point was that you don't have to be nicely nice, give five stars, or even be gracious. But you should be a human being about it. Disrespectful words do nothing but tear another apart and there should be no place for it. And the author has no idea why they got that review because it was so harsh that it got confusing. Bully's should also not exist anywhere on any playground. Say it respectfully or not at all. Also read the material and don't tell me that you are sorry my grandma died after I just wrote a story about my dog. So that is what this poem is about. And also wrote it to say I give credit to the ones who do get it right. Honesty does not have to be abusive sounding. I also say in my poem that to me feedback means as much to me as a six star review. The only way we get better and continue to learn new.
I truly hoped that people could see the humor that I tried to add to it. I need my time I have left to be pleasant, and that can come with as much feedback as is necessary. But it does bother me when condemned for the subject matter and not for what kind of job I did writing it. So we all can disagree on many things, but I won't budge on three things, respect, honesty and integrity. My opinion, my poem and my playground.
Thank you Lancelet for your blunt (I don't mind blunt at all) respectful and kind review and comments. I didn't fall apart from it, and yet I think I learned a little something. That didn't hurt at all.
