The Faller
Weep for the fallen, cry not for the Faller22 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
so John had had to shoot the German prisoners, and it affected him mentally. I can see how it would, and that's why the mood swings. How terrible for him. And how hard for you when you were young. I'm sure that was a difficult story not only to tell, but to have on your mind all those years. I'm glad you were finally freed from it.
This is a very good entry. I wish you luck.
Katharine
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
  |
so John had had to shoot the German prisoners, and it affected him mentally. I can see how it would, and that's why the mood swings. How terrible for him. And how hard for you when you were young. I'm sure that was a difficult story not only to tell, but to have on your mind all those years. I'm glad you were finally freed from it.
This is a very good entry. I wish you luck.
Katharine
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
-
Thank you, Pome Lover. Yes, there are many things that will never leave us. Very nice thoughts.
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Brad,
You told your story well, and I love how you reconciled with John and yourself. I especially liked "the trees listening, witnesses to your humiliation." Opening with John's story helped to setup the reader to sympathize with him throughout your tormented childhood. Your revelation of why he was so angry when you pointed the gun at him, is a good reminder that everyone has a story, and there is a reason why some become hateful in life.
That night, After dinner, Norm (Norma) updated me on the family happenings
Patricia
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
 |
Hi Brad,
You told your story well, and I love how you reconciled with John and yourself. I especially liked "the trees listening, witnesses to your humiliation." Opening with John's story helped to setup the reader to sympathize with him throughout your tormented childhood. Your revelation of why he was so angry when you pointed the gun at him, is a good reminder that everyone has a story, and there is a reason why some become hateful in life.
That night, After dinner, Norm (Norma) updated me on the family happenings
Patricia
Comment Written 02-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2025
-
Many thanks for reading and your thoughtful words. I had much time to reflect on this story.
Comment from zanya
Thanks for sharing this engaging and enthralling story here. It can't have been easy to do. The story invites the reader to share these heart-rending events and their powerful impact. Candour seeps through the details here. Wish I had 6 remaining
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2025
|
Thanks for sharing this engaging and enthralling story here. It can't have been easy to do. The story invites the reader to share these heart-rending events and their powerful impact. Candour seeps through the details here. Wish I had 6 remaining
Comment Written 30-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2025
-
Thank you, Zanya. Your thoughts are worth more than stars to me.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed how your story captures such deep emotions. Your portrayal of John was powerful. The way you showed your character's change of heart over time was moving. The way you tied in the revelation about John's past and how it shaped his behavior was so well done. Keep up the amazing work!
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2025
|
I really enjoyed how your story captures such deep emotions. Your portrayal of John was powerful. The way you showed your character's change of heart over time was moving. The way you tied in the revelation about John's past and how it shaped his behavior was so well done. Keep up the amazing work!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2025
-
Thank you, Michael, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Thank you for sharing this sad story, and I understand how a violent unvoluntary action can take a tool and turn your life upside down. John was not meant to be that harsh man, but the war transformed him in what you had as a dad in your young years.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2025
|
Thank you for sharing this sad story, and I understand how a violent unvoluntary action can take a tool and turn your life upside down. John was not meant to be that harsh man, but the war transformed him in what you had as a dad in your young years.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2025
-
Thank you, Iza. Yes, he lived the rest of his life living with that war.
Comment from royowen
Such a sad, sad story. My father was evacuated from France at Dunkirk at the beginning of WW2, He never spoke of his experiences, although they must have been very harrowing, he received an honourable discharge shortly after, he hearing was badly affected by near explosions, my brother likewise was wounded in Vietnam. Well done with this, it's funny where life takes us, but good mental health demands we forgive others, irrespective, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
|
Such a sad, sad story. My father was evacuated from France at Dunkirk at the beginning of WW2, He never spoke of his experiences, although they must have been very harrowing, he received an honourable discharge shortly after, he hearing was badly affected by near explosions, my brother likewise was wounded in Vietnam. Well done with this, it's funny where life takes us, but good mental health demands we forgive others, irrespective, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
-
Thank you, Roy. Much appreciated.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
What a riveting story!! I had immense pleasure going through it, slowly and trying to immisce myself into the protagonists and attempting to feel the characters. It's a great story, written by a writer with a flawless talent to tell. I like the fluidity and clarity and the characters feel so alive and real. Absolutely loved it.
Mario
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
|
What a riveting story!! I had immense pleasure going through it, slowly and trying to immisce myself into the protagonists and attempting to feel the characters. It's a great story, written by a writer with a flawless talent to tell. I like the fluidity and clarity and the characters feel so alive and real. Absolutely loved it.
Mario
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
-
Thank you, Mario. Much appreciated.
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow. After reading this, I can see how hard it was to write. I can really relate because I went through a comparable childhood with my Dad, a WWII veteran who left a wife and four children to serve in the SeaBees.
We did not know his location for 3 & 1/2 years. His occasional letters were censored so heavily that all that was left was, "Hello Folks, and Love, Dad."
He was a changed father when he returned, with ups and downs similar to your John. I left home at 14, but yeah, I softened later when he was old.
Great story.
irish
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
|
Wow. After reading this, I can see how hard it was to write. I can really relate because I went through a comparable childhood with my Dad, a WWII veteran who left a wife and four children to serve in the SeaBees.
We did not know his location for 3 & 1/2 years. His occasional letters were censored so heavily that all that was left was, "Hello Folks, and Love, Dad."
He was a changed father when he returned, with ups and downs similar to your John. I left home at 14, but yeah, I softened later when he was old.
Great story.
irish
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
-
Thanks for the stars, Irish. Much appreciated. Looks like you've been there to.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
emotional indeed and it's an intriguing and interesting write. I'll bet this is a more familiar tale than many would like to admit as well.
therre're a few little technical issues in the piece which take nothing away from the power of the write but I've pointed most of them out here-
John smiled. "Sure," he placed the cigarette in the soldier's clasped hands. - I'd end the dialogue with a period here rather than using a comma. What follows is more of a sentence in its own right than a tag.
He jumped up and pounded hard on the roof of the cab. "MESSERSCHMITT! Stop the truck! Get out! Get out!" The driver slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop.- ideally the last sentence would be on a separate paragraph so as not to roll one person's dialogue and actions into that of another's.
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer.- the middle section here should be a speech tag. (lower case)
"I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." - delete the speech marks from the very end here.
He yelled out, but the man kept going. "He fired again- delete the unnecessary speech marks.
"are you Ok?" He asked. - "Are you ok?" he asked.
But then, unexplainably, he would be friendly the next time he came. - maybe try inexplicably here.
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it."- this is a tag in the middle. It can be either following or proceeding. if the former it needs to start lower case. if the latter then should be a comma after said.
All following speech tags should start lower case.
"I'm so sorry, Brad, but Bennett, my first husband, wasn't your father either. " You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married"- you have an extra set of speech marks in here.
" You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married" - delete the space after the opening speech marks and you need a period before the closing ones.
"You dumb ass! He yelled in my face.- need closing speech marks after ass!
"We learned after the war that John was being held at Walter Reed Veterans Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, for observation. They informed our mother that he wasn't physically wounded, but he was there for medical evaluation, which suggested John was suffering from severe mental stress. He didn't come home until months later. - missing closing speech marks.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
|
hi there,
emotional indeed and it's an intriguing and interesting write. I'll bet this is a more familiar tale than many would like to admit as well.
therre're a few little technical issues in the piece which take nothing away from the power of the write but I've pointed most of them out here-
John smiled. "Sure," he placed the cigarette in the soldier's clasped hands. - I'd end the dialogue with a period here rather than using a comma. What follows is more of a sentence in its own right than a tag.
He jumped up and pounded hard on the roof of the cab. "MESSERSCHMITT! Stop the truck! Get out! Get out!" The driver slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop.- ideally the last sentence would be on a separate paragraph so as not to roll one person's dialogue and actions into that of another's.
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer.- the middle section here should be a speech tag. (lower case)
"I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." - delete the speech marks from the very end here.
He yelled out, but the man kept going. "He fired again- delete the unnecessary speech marks.
"are you Ok?" He asked. - "Are you ok?" he asked.
But then, unexplainably, he would be friendly the next time he came. - maybe try inexplicably here.
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it."- this is a tag in the middle. It can be either following or proceeding. if the former it needs to start lower case. if the latter then should be a comma after said.
All following speech tags should start lower case.
"I'm so sorry, Brad, but Bennett, my first husband, wasn't your father either. " You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married"- you have an extra set of speech marks in here.
" You were born out of wedlock, by a merchant Sailor before I married" - delete the space after the opening speech marks and you need a period before the closing ones.
"You dumb ass! He yelled in my face.- need closing speech marks after ass!
"We learned after the war that John was being held at Walter Reed Veterans Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, for observation. They informed our mother that he wasn't physically wounded, but he was there for medical evaluation, which suggested John was suffering from severe mental stress. He didn't come home until months later. - missing closing speech marks.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
-
Thanks, giraffmang. I can't tell you how many times I proofed this story. All the other readers missed it to. Thank you for finding them.
Brad
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very well written and I liked the story. I would like to suggest you review the rules on writing dialogue.
He noticed the young soldier next to him was watching. ( when it's people, it's 'soldier beside him')
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer. "Don't let them get away!" (Corporal," screamed)
John raised his rifle, then hesitated, "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." (hesitated. "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" he yelled back.)
The Lieutenant approached him, "are you Ok?" He asked. (period after 'him' & capital 'A' on 'Are' & you can omit 'he asked')
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it." (your's," he said.)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
|
This is very well written and I liked the story. I would like to suggest you review the rules on writing dialogue.
He noticed the young soldier next to him was watching. ( when it's people, it's 'soldier beside him')
"Shoot them, Corporal." Screamed the officer. "Don't let them get away!" (Corporal," screamed)
John raised his rifle, then hesitated, "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" He yelled back." (hesitated. "I can't shoot tied prisoners!" he yelled back.)
The Lieutenant approached him, "are you Ok?" He asked. (period after 'him' & capital 'A' on 'Are' & you can omit 'he asked')
"It's yours." He said. "I want you to have it." (your's," he said.)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2023
-
Thank you, Barbara. Sharp eyes there! You are the first to catch those errors. I must have gone over it a dozen times. Kudos. Brad
-
I only pointed out a few. You will want to check all of the dialogue.
