Beth's Voyage
Pain wilts the heart at its core.16 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your story, Mia, though it
was poignant. Your words were well thought out and
told it in the few words allowed. You left readers wondering
what she may have done to cause her to end her life.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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You did a great job with your story, Mia, though it
was poignant. Your words were well thought out and
told it in the few words allowed. You left readers wondering
what she may have done to cause her to end her life.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thank you
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Mia!
What I so appreciate about your flash fiction offering is that it leaves the reader with questions, and that is how it should be... in my mind.
I love the loose ends of your story.
Now... you are going to expand this right? Not just leave this poor reading hanging! :)
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Hello, Mia!
What I so appreciate about your flash fiction offering is that it leaves the reader with questions, and that is how it should be... in my mind.
I love the loose ends of your story.
Now... you are going to expand this right? Not just leave this poor reading hanging! :)
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 15-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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I may.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There's some good strong emotion in this and the word count is spot on.
here's an awful lot left out (no doubt due to the word count) but I don't think it matters.
Her boat slammed hard against the incoming towering waves as it was dragged out to sea. - there's a bit of a mixed message in this description. If the boat was hit by an incoming wave, it'd be pushed back not dragged out. It would only be dragged back by a receding wave.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2023
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Hi there,
There's some good strong emotion in this and the word count is spot on.
here's an awful lot left out (no doubt due to the word count) but I don't think it matters.
Her boat slammed hard against the incoming towering waves as it was dragged out to sea. - there's a bit of a mixed message in this description. If the boat was hit by an incoming wave, it'd be pushed back not dragged out. It would only be dragged back by a receding wave.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2023
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I will make note of that and fix it. Thank you for pointing that out.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Oh dear - this is a sad eighty word flash fiction. Poor Beth had had enough. Being engulfed by rough seas is a drastic way to go. A well written entry that leaves the reader thankful for the love at home. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Oh dear - this is a sad eighty word flash fiction. Poor Beth had had enough. Being engulfed by rough seas is a drastic way to go. A well written entry that leaves the reader thankful for the love at home. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thank you
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Good entry for the 80 Word Flash Fiction writing prompt contest. It's very sad.
the story grabbed my interest. The dialogue and characters development is good.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Good entry for the 80 Word Flash Fiction writing prompt contest. It's very sad.
the story grabbed my interest. The dialogue and characters development is good.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thank you
Comment from royowen
What a tragic thing, when hope is gone, no future joy or hope, but we really don't know what lies around the Bend. It does seem hope drives us out of bed, it's the spark of life, but when its light is snuffed...beautifully written, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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What a tragic thing, when hope is gone, no future joy or hope, but we really don't know what lies around the Bend. It does seem hope drives us out of bed, it's the spark of life, but when its light is snuffed...beautifully written, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thank you
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Well done
Comment from Wendy G
Sad and poignant. The reader is left to wonder about the back story in this piece. Dramatic ending! Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Sad and poignant. The reader is left to wonder about the back story in this piece. Dramatic ending! Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thank you
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now I want to know the 'why?' and 'what happened next?' That was really good, all told in 80 words exactly. Something really sad happened to her, otherwise she wouldn't be out there in the storm. This was excellent. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Now I want to know the 'why?' and 'what happened next?' That was really good, all told in 80 words exactly. Something really sad happened to her, otherwise she wouldn't be out there in the storm. This was excellent. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much. I am so honored you liked it.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a good entry into the 80-word flash contest. The text is a great size. The story is well-told and, the plot doesn't seem rushed. Changing
"life aspects" to "life situations" would make the meaning clearer. This story leaves the reader wondering what lead to this wish for a watery demise. It's the second time this week I have read about a planned drowning on this site. The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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This is a good entry into the 80-word flash contest. The text is a great size. The story is well-told and, the plot doesn't seem rushed. Changing
"life aspects" to "life situations" would make the meaning clearer. This story leaves the reader wondering what lead to this wish for a watery demise. It's the second time this week I have read about a planned drowning on this site. The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thank you.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Bill Schott
This eighty-word flash fiction story, Beth's Voyage, has the proper word count and finds the damaged woman taking the boat out on its final trip to the bottom of the sea.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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This eighty-word flash fiction story, Beth's Voyage, has the proper word count and finds the damaged woman taking the boat out on its final trip to the bottom of the sea.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thank you