Pay Day
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Pay Day, pt 15"One fine spring day at school
7 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Yeah, there were some dandy tense moments when T.J. had his cell phone out and lit up, all the while, in slow motion (it seemed) James was airborne ... and the reader is saying, "Hurry, get there before T.J. hits the last number."
He suddenly found himself on his back, the man who'd been sitting beside him in the front row bashing his head with T.J.'s own gun. [You may want to have another look at this sentence and hopefully clarify who is the owner of "his head" -- T.J. or the one sitting next to him.
Overall, a dynamic chapter, Wayne.
Jay
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Yeah, there were some dandy tense moments when T.J. had his cell phone out and lit up, all the while, in slow motion (it seemed) James was airborne ... and the reader is saying, "Hurry, get there before T.J. hits the last number."
He suddenly found himself on his back, the man who'd been sitting beside him in the front row bashing his head with T.J.'s own gun. [You may want to have another look at this sentence and hopefully clarify who is the owner of "his head" -- T.J. or the one sitting next to him.
Overall, a dynamic chapter, Wayne.
Jay
Comment Written 13-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thank you. I will.
Comment from Wendy G
What a chapter. Just as well Corey wanted to stretch out his legs a bit! How quickly the kids put two and two together, and how quickly they acted. God is good. Many heroes.
Well done, Wayne, an engrossing read.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2023
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What a chapter. Just as well Corey wanted to stretch out his legs a bit! How quickly the kids put two and two together, and how quickly they acted. God is good. Many heroes.
Well done, Wayne, an engrossing read.
Wendy
Comment Written 11-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2023
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Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from lyenochka
Great description of all the intense drama and you built the suspense up well with James discomfort leading to the discovery of the bomb. The only part that wasn't clear to me was what Chloe's role was that got her the punctured lung. My favorite part was the surgeon's comment to James.
How many more posts until the end?
Question:
T.J. confessed to the May 15th plans he and Anthony (November 10?)
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Great description of all the intense drama and you built the suspense up well with James discomfort leading to the discovery of the bomb. The only part that wasn't clear to me was what Chloe's role was that got her the punctured lung. My favorite part was the surgeon's comment to James.
How many more posts until the end?
Question:
T.J. confessed to the May 15th plans he and Anthony (November 10?)
Comment Written 11-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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That finished it. I left open that the Bible club would continue.
Chloe got shot as she ran to the person standing on the right. I tried to finesse her movement toward him as if it was the Holy Spirit and not her deliberate action. I went back and cleared it up a little.
I also cleared up that T.J. had confessed to May15 in addition to his Nov 10 action.
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
Reaches a climax and the losses are fewer than expected. The motives for this plan are not entirely clear. Like many actual bomb attacks you cannot always isolate a motive.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Reaches a climax and the losses are fewer than expected. The motives for this plan are not entirely clear. Like many actual bomb attacks you cannot always isolate a motive.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Thank you for your review.
Their motives were the same as before their aborted May 15 school shooting experiences.
Comment from royowen
It's to see that Jame's heroics has saved a lot of of lives, and even the surgeon commented that even his lifetime had done so. What a dastardly plot, why would they do it? Who knows? I can't figure it, no matter how much I disliked peopl, well done Wayne, blessings Roy
Typo : James (leaped) to the top. Leapt? 2: The surgeon(')s beckon
3: one rib will need (reconstructed) restructuring?
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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It's to see that Jame's heroics has saved a lot of of lives, and even the surgeon commented that even his lifetime had done so. What a dastardly plot, why would they do it? Who knows? I can't figure it, no matter how much I disliked peopl, well done Wayne, blessings Roy
Typo : James (leaped) to the top. Leapt? 2: The surgeon(')s beckon
3: one rib will need (reconstructed) restructuring?
Comment Written 11-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Thank you for your great review.
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Well done
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You pulled off an ending that worked and it was great that you ended with the followup to that moment. I think this would be an inspiring read for Junior and Senior high school students. It is about chapbook length. If you are interested in publishing, sign up for fundsforwriters.com to see market info. Information is surely changed for these publishers in the past 20 years or so, but you might check on them: Eerdman's Publishing Company, Standard Publishing, Zondervan, The Upper Room, GuIdeposts.org., Warner Press. Let me know if you have any questions.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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You pulled off an ending that worked and it was great that you ended with the followup to that moment. I think this would be an inspiring read for Junior and Senior high school students. It is about chapbook length. If you are interested in publishing, sign up for fundsforwriters.com to see market info. Information is surely changed for these publishers in the past 20 years or so, but you might check on them: Eerdman's Publishing Company, Standard Publishing, Zondervan, The Upper Room, GuIdeposts.org., Warner Press. Let me know if you have any questions.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Wow! Thank you for the super review. And thank you for the six stars!
I will definitely look into the tips you offered. Thank you.
Comment from judith layne jerdé
Wayne, bone-chilling, your characterization is flawless. I looked forward to reading more of your book. I certainly could not find anything that needed to be changed.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Wayne, bone-chilling, your characterization is flawless. I looked forward to reading more of your book. I certainly could not find anything that needed to be changed.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2023
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Thank you for your very kind words.
