Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Night Lights"Musing of an old man
28 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Hello Author,
I really like where you went with this Collom Lune.
Your word count was spot on, but at the end of the second line I would suggest going with either, "eye reflects" or "eyes reflect" as "eyes reflects" is grammatically incorrect in a messy way... not a poetic way.
The only other error is in your notes... "there 'are' 3 words..." Don't forget, you're a writer after all!
Your Collom Lune was really nice. I'm looking forward to the birds again.
Susan :)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Hello Author,
I really like where you went with this Collom Lune.
Your word count was spot on, but at the end of the second line I would suggest going with either, "eye reflects" or "eyes reflect" as "eyes reflects" is grammatically incorrect in a messy way... not a poetic way.
The only other error is in your notes... "there 'are' 3 words..." Don't forget, you're a writer after all!
Your Collom Lune was really nice. I'm looking forward to the birds again.
Susan :)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Those ugly mistakes from cutting and pasting, shame on me 🎶❤️
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I like it and please don't take offense but it seems there are places where I question why? For instance, why past tense for reflected when reflect would do away with the comma.
Additionally, it would ring better to me for I don't recognize the moon as HIS but its night.
Tom H
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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I like it and please don't take offense but it seems there are places where I question why? For instance, why past tense for reflected when reflect would do away with the comma.
Additionally, it would ring better to me for I don't recognize the moon as HIS but its night.
Tom H
Comment Written 03-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Points of observation well noted, thank you!
Comment from Carlie Beth
Wonderful job!!!! This was beautifully written!!!!! Great job with the collom lune poem!!! I loved the last stanza!! I wish you the best with the contest!!!! - Carlie Beth ��
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Wonderful job!!!! This was beautifully written!!!!! Great job with the collom lune poem!!! I loved the last stanza!! I wish you the best with the contest!!!! - Carlie Beth ��
Comment Written 03-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Carlie Beth, thank you for kind validation on my Lune.
Comment from Wendy G
I like that format with words not syllables being the focus. I enjoyed your Collom Lune with its emphasis on light and sources of light, and I also liked the alliteration. A very lyrical entry. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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I like that format with words not syllables being the focus. I enjoyed your Collom Lune with its emphasis on light and sources of light, and I also liked the alliteration. A very lyrical entry. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 03-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Wendy, thank you for your kind words a validation of my Lune.
Comment from Mark D. R.
Each stanza can stand by itself, but you crafted a very nice tandem. Selected illustration nicely complements the entire presentation for this contest entry.
I like the Collom poem format. Methinks, elementary students can master it more easily than the 5-7-5 Haiku.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Each stanza can stand by itself, but you crafted a very nice tandem. Selected illustration nicely complements the entire presentation for this contest entry.
I like the Collom poem format. Methinks, elementary students can master it more easily than the 5-7-5 Haiku.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Mark, I would agree with your thinking, thanks for positive feedback.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Collom Lune Contest. Lunes are one of my favorite forms.
Good word count.
I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.
Good syllables count and connection between lines.
Goodluck
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Excellent entry for the Collom Lune Contest. Lunes are one of my favorite forms.
Good word count.
I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.
Good syllables count and connection between lines.
Goodluck
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 02-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from Thesis
You've presented a unique look at night light and by introducing the Nightingale and describing how nature provides light from the sun to the moon that allows it to see through diminished light is quite a feat. I enjoyed this. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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You've presented a unique look at night light and by introducing the Nightingale and describing how nature provides light from the sun to the moon that allows it to see through diminished light is quite a feat. I enjoyed this. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Thesis, thank you for the good wishes.
Comment from rjuselius
This is a beautifully written piece of poetry dear anonymous! The imagery is exquisite and exceptional. Wow and bravo!
Thank you for sharing! I wish I had six stars..
Good luck in the contest!
Blessings with hugs and kisses,
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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This is a beautifully written piece of poetry dear anonymous! The imagery is exquisite and exceptional. Wow and bravo!
Thank you for sharing! I wish I had six stars..
Good luck in the contest!
Blessings with hugs and kisses,
Rebekka x
Comment Written 02-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Rebekka, thank you -- I'll take that virtual six anyway 👌
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My pleasure entirely dear friend <3
Comment from nomi338
An interesting concept. The moon as a night light, getting its illumination from the reflection of the sun. The harmonious working of the two luminaries display God's wisdom, majesty, and wisdom. Many cannot go to sleep at night without a night light. The moon provides one for free.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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An interesting concept. The moon as a night light, getting its illumination from the reflection of the sun. The harmonious working of the two luminaries display God's wisdom, majesty, and wisdom. Many cannot go to sleep at night without a night light. The moon provides one for free.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Nomi, thank you, as always, for your POSITIVE connection with God's majesty forever on display.
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We must never forget or minimize God's gifts to the Earth and mankind.
Comment from Janet Foor
The Collom is an interesting poetic form and you have written a beautiful one with "night Lights". The Nightingale is a lovely topic for your poem.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2023
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The Collom is an interesting poetic form and you have written a beautiful one with "night Lights". The Nightingale is a lovely topic for your poem.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2023
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My sincere thank you, Janet!🙏
