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Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "What we believe"A Flash Fiction Collection
9 total reviews
Comment from Russell Mickler
Hi Lancellot!
Good structure, mechanics, and pacing. I liked your expressing hatred as "a puss-like infection" and the "oppressive towel" - very good imagery.
I think David's sheltering of the oppressed man is very godly, as David acted purely out of compassion to help someone regardless of their circumstances. Indeed, let the elders decide, and let's hope they've the wisdom to see God in his intervention.
R
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Hi Lancellot!
Good structure, mechanics, and pacing. I liked your expressing hatred as "a puss-like infection" and the "oppressive towel" - very good imagery.
I think David's sheltering of the oppressed man is very godly, as David acted purely out of compassion to help someone regardless of their circumstances. Indeed, let the elders decide, and let's hope they've the wisdom to see God in his intervention.
R
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you very much.
Comment from dmt1967
David heard them before he saw (them). (the tribe)
Like a trained marksman, his sharp (eyes) followed the rock's flight to the bruised and bloodied back of a cowering black man. (ight)
A bit repetitive but a good story. Thank you for sharing.
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David heard them before he saw (them). (the tribe)
Like a trained marksman, his sharp (eyes) followed the rock's flight to the bruised and bloodied back of a cowering black man. (ight)
A bit repetitive but a good story. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2023
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a fantastic post. I really hope you continue with it. You can go so many ways with this. You have a winner on your hands with this one. GREAT job of writing and GREAT storyline.
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This is a fantastic post. I really hope you continue with it. You can go so many ways with this. You have a winner on your hands with this one. GREAT job of writing and GREAT storyline.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
Comment from w.j.debi
Wow. I did not see that twist coming. What an excellent reminder that we need to know the entire story before we judge the situation. In fact, this could be the beginning of a novel or at least a longer story.
You have woven a lot into this short story. We have the villain, the victims seeking vengeance, and the guy who stumbled into the story and tried to be a hero at the wrong moment and now regrets his actions.
Excellent storytelling and well crafted.
one small SGAP -- I think you meant "wanted" in this sentence:
He want to look at the girl but he could not will his eyes to contact with hers.
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Wow. I did not see that twist coming. What an excellent reminder that we need to know the entire story before we judge the situation. In fact, this could be the beginning of a novel or at least a longer story.
You have woven a lot into this short story. We have the villain, the victims seeking vengeance, and the guy who stumbled into the story and tried to be a hero at the wrong moment and now regrets his actions.
Excellent storytelling and well crafted.
one small SGAP -- I think you meant "wanted" in this sentence:
He want to look at the girl but he could not will his eyes to contact with hers.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
Comment from Shirley McLain
That is a story I want to know more about. In David's mind, he was doing right, but made a grave error. I guess that's why we should wait upon the Lord before we act. Great job. Shirley
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That is a story I want to know more about. In David's mind, he was doing right, but made a grave error. I guess that's why we should wait upon the Lord before we act. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
A story with an interesting twist which makes a valid point concerning our own society. At times most religious teaching meets points of controversy or apparent contradiction. Is the majority always wrong? Can minorities exploit a situation under guise of claiming special treatment/tolerance?
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A story with an interesting twist which makes a valid point concerning our own society. At times most religious teaching meets points of controversy or apparent contradiction. Is the majority always wrong? Can minorities exploit a situation under guise of claiming special treatment/tolerance?
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wow, what a twist in this extremely well and evocatively expressed story. The attention to detail in the imagery and description is noteworthy and the story flows with pace and suspense. So impressed with it all but the fact that it threw in this game-changer at the end promoted the post into a 6er. Well done! Best wishes Debbie
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Wow, what a twist in this extremely well and evocatively expressed story. The attention to detail in the imagery and description is noteworthy and the story flows with pace and suspense. So impressed with it all but the fact that it threw in this game-changer at the end promoted the post into a 6er. Well done! Best wishes Debbie
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is an interesting story. It seems to point out that people make assumptions based on what is visible, but they might forget to ask what is also the status of events as well. I thought it was a hard lesson for the character of David to learn, who seemed to have good intentions.
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This is an interesting story. It seems to point out that people make assumptions based on what is visible, but they might forget to ask what is also the status of events as well. I thought it was a hard lesson for the character of David to learn, who seemed to have good intentions.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
Comment from royowen
This is different, but well written, and yes, I can imagine this, but better to be a fool that felt and sought to do right, than he who sat on the sidelines. And if this life is all there is, then I will still chase after being a person who wanted a better world, than someone who lived in futility, well done,a great post, blessings Roy
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This is different, but well written, and yes, I can imagine this, but better to be a fool that felt and sought to do right, than he who sat on the sidelines. And if this life is all there is, then I will still chase after being a person who wanted a better world, than someone who lived in futility, well done,a great post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023