Angels Unaware
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Changing of the Guards"A Memoir and Love Story
10 total reviews
Comment from Alaskastory
"Changing of the Guards" is a chapter that definitely moves the story along. Having home life change for both Tom and Robert, it shows how uncertainty comes over both of them. This is a well done family story.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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"Changing of the Guards" is a chapter that definitely moves the story along. Having home life change for both Tom and Robert, it shows how uncertainty comes over both of them. This is a well done family story.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Thanks Marie!
Comment from Soledadpaz
Suggest: no matter how sharp (it was.)
(we) boys looked at each other.
Suggest: (But) confusion wouldn't linger long.
breath(e)
maybe (trying) to measure our reaction
(you're) leaving us
Suggest: But (she didn't.) After '" hoped to die."
like I (was) getting what I wanted.
Suggest: If I could read her mind, (she'd probably be) saying . . .
it was (time) for us to sleep on it.
a week, (when) my mother and all her belongings (were) emptied
Suggest: Something (also) emptied from me that day, (like a hole that) formed in my little boy heart. Good imagery.
(berth)
Suggest restructure for clarity: I loved watching things grow(.) Digging up red potatoes was like finding gold nuggets.
I'm not sure re context in the next part. Do you mean that you enjoyed plucking the sweet corn by breaking it off at the stalk?
(We) often found seashells
or
We'd often (find) seashells
I (had) always wanted to be a momma's boy.
if I'd (known) that they were little vampire . . .
Suggest placing the part about the first night before the part about the garden. The garden seems to be where you were able to forge a relationship with your dad, after getting a rocky start living together.
Truly moving story, especially in regards to a young boy looking for answers.
Sol
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Suggest: no matter how sharp (it was.)
(we) boys looked at each other.
Suggest: (But) confusion wouldn't linger long.
breath(e)
maybe (trying) to measure our reaction
(you're) leaving us
Suggest: But (she didn't.) After '" hoped to die."
like I (was) getting what I wanted.
Suggest: If I could read her mind, (she'd probably be) saying . . .
it was (time) for us to sleep on it.
a week, (when) my mother and all her belongings (were) emptied
Suggest: Something (also) emptied from me that day, (like a hole that) formed in my little boy heart. Good imagery.
(berth)
Suggest restructure for clarity: I loved watching things grow(.) Digging up red potatoes was like finding gold nuggets.
I'm not sure re context in the next part. Do you mean that you enjoyed plucking the sweet corn by breaking it off at the stalk?
(We) often found seashells
or
We'd often (find) seashells
I (had) always wanted to be a momma's boy.
if I'd (known) that they were little vampire . . .
Suggest placing the part about the first night before the part about the garden. The garden seems to be where you were able to forge a relationship with your dad, after getting a rocky start living together.
Truly moving story, especially in regards to a young boy looking for answers.
Sol
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much. I will save the message, so I can easily be reminded to fix things. Appreciate it!
Comment from Shirley McLain
This story makes my heart hurt once again for that little boy who wanted and needed his mother. You did a wonderful job. I have a personal question and you don't have to anwer. Is this story cathartic for you? Have a wonderful afternoon. Shirley
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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This story makes my heart hurt once again for that little boy who wanted and needed his mother. You did a wonderful job. I have a personal question and you don't have to anwer. Is this story cathartic for you? Have a wonderful afternoon. Shirley
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Yes it is. I have suffered from PTSD before it was fashionable to equate it with anything but the military and war. And big part I want to show is how I became an overcomer through the Lord, toward the end of the story there are some truly good and powerful moments. Thanks so much. You are one of the few that encouarages me to keep going.
Comment from royowen
Change can be so disturbing to a child, but God still understands, but how do we apprehend this God that is a Father to the orphan, and a husband to the widow? Is is just a metaphor, or a reality? I can understand, I think I grew up very lonely, fortunately I had friends, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Mom (injected) interjected? 2: It was time(d) for us to sleep.
3: more like (a) hole formed.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Change can be so disturbing to a child, but God still understands, but how do we apprehend this God that is a Father to the orphan, and a husband to the widow? Is is just a metaphor, or a reality? I can understand, I think I grew up very lonely, fortunately I had friends, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Mom (injected) interjected? 2: It was time(d) for us to sleep.
3: more like (a) hole formed.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thanks Roy! I wanted to write my story in part to show how I went from a PTSD survivor to an overcomer through the Lord. God moments on the way.
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Good job
Comment from Ben Colder
It is tough growing up in a home as you mentioned, but there are many who still suffer even as I respond to your write. I understand what you and your family went through but you found a way out through Christ. That is what it is all about. Well done, Stan.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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It is tough growing up in a home as you mentioned, but there are many who still suffer even as I respond to your write. I understand what you and your family went through but you found a way out through Christ. That is what it is all about. Well done, Stan.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Appreciate you, my brother from another mother. Getting closer to the part where I can move from survivor to overcomer by the grace of God.
Comment from BethShelby
I can understand how a ten year old would feel about not having a mother around. As a child, I was always afraid my mom and dad would go their separate ways, and it seemed to me if that happened, my world would end. It seems like at least half the kids these day have to cope with parents who live apart. You seemed to have a pretty good relationship with your dad, and the fact you believed there was a God and you were searching was a good thing. Your brother seemed to have a harder time adjusting.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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I can understand how a ten year old would feel about not having a mother around. As a child, I was always afraid my mom and dad would go their separate ways, and it seemed to me if that happened, my world would end. It seems like at least half the kids these day have to cope with parents who live apart. You seemed to have a pretty good relationship with your dad, and the fact you believed there was a God and you were searching was a good thing. Your brother seemed to have a harder time adjusting.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thanks Beth. I appreciate your keen understanding. You always hit the nail on the head.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very heartwarming story about children as they're going through divorce of their parents. Adult I don't think you realize just how difficult divorce is on children. I am glad you shared your story with us. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and it was for the best for me. But little boys before their teens really do need both mother and father. Patricia.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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This is a very heartwarming story about children as they're going through divorce of their parents. Adult I don't think you realize just how difficult divorce is on children. I am glad you shared your story with us. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and it was for the best for me. But little boys before their teens really do need both mother and father. Patricia.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thanks Patricia. I'm looking forward to take this very true story and show how I went from survivor to overcomer by the grace of God.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
An interesting read indeed and very well written I find it extra interesting being that it is an excerpt from your life my very personal to you. I said this before to others and I'll mention it to you and that is you couldn't have a healthier way to express yourself than in this genre. Every time you do it takes some of the power away To a place where it will sit comfortably on the shelf in your mind. I've had to tell myself my own situations but forgiveness is not condoning it's simply shows us what we can never do again. Having said all that I didn't enjoy your writing account is very engaging from beginning to end you know the future events and hope they are not too terrible. I was only confused by one line in the beginning and it says " Then I bounded in beside him with a brave face". I associate the word bounded as in jumping up-and-down more an expression of joy rather than bravery. Perhaps it's just my perspective having said that too I also want to say that I hope you will submit Your future works and wish you the best of luck!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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An interesting read indeed and very well written I find it extra interesting being that it is an excerpt from your life my very personal to you. I said this before to others and I'll mention it to you and that is you couldn't have a healthier way to express yourself than in this genre. Every time you do it takes some of the power away To a place where it will sit comfortably on the shelf in your mind. I've had to tell myself my own situations but forgiveness is not condoning it's simply shows us what we can never do again. Having said all that I didn't enjoy your writing account is very engaging from beginning to end you know the future events and hope they are not too terrible. I was only confused by one line in the beginning and it says " Then I bounded in beside him with a brave face". I associate the word bounded as in jumping up-and-down more an expression of joy rather than bravery. Perhaps it's just my perspective having said that too I also want to say that I hope you will submit Your future works and wish you the best of luck!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much. You show such perception and I really appreciate the way you put things in a way that makes sense.
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I'm so glad if it helps in any way I'm happy Hope you have a great day!
Comment from lyenochka
I liked how you discovered something about God through gardening with your dad. How hard it was to feel abandoned by your mom. But I wonder if some discussion happened between the parents which wasn't relayed to the kids. I like how you showed your teen brother finally letting his emotions out. Great job in describing everything from a child's perspective where so much is not said by the adults.
"Ann and you're little sister (your)
mean...your leaving us?" (you're)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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I liked how you discovered something about God through gardening with your dad. How hard it was to feel abandoned by your mom. But I wonder if some discussion happened between the parents which wasn't relayed to the kids. I like how you showed your teen brother finally letting his emotions out. Great job in describing everything from a child's perspective where so much is not said by the adults.
"Ann and you're little sister (your)
mean...your leaving us?" (you're)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much for your keen perception. I'm looking ahead now, where I can move from a survivor to an overcomer in the Lord, and hope it gives hope and help to others too.
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Looking forward to it. That's the kind of testimony we need these days. So many remain in the pit of resentment and bitterness like my dad did until age 93.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This flowed well. It certainly showed that divorce is never easy on children. I only noticed the tiniest of things to improve on:
"Ann and you're little sister,
Maybe try: Ann and your little sister and I--the three of us are going to move
(long dash after I is possible to insert in Advanced Editor)
keep your friends, your school, and you get to live with your dad.
Capitalize Keep as the beginning of the sentence.
My brother was the first one to rupture.
This is a great description!
"You mean...your leaving us?" change 'your' to 'you're'
"You mean...you're leaving us?"
"I want my Mom. I need mom."
Reverse the capitalization here.
"I want my mom. I need Mom."
There are a few more little things like that.
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This flowed well. It certainly showed that divorce is never easy on children. I only noticed the tiniest of things to improve on:
"Ann and you're little sister,
Maybe try: Ann and your little sister and I--the three of us are going to move
(long dash after I is possible to insert in Advanced Editor)
keep your friends, your school, and you get to live with your dad.
Capitalize Keep as the beginning of the sentence.
My brother was the first one to rupture.
This is a great description!
"You mean...your leaving us?" change 'your' to 'you're'
"You mean...you're leaving us?"
"I want my Mom. I need mom."
Reverse the capitalization here.
"I want my mom. I need Mom."
There are a few more little things like that.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023