Haiku (in black uniform)
5-7-5 poem31 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
The first two lines of this poem flow and connect well. The last line
says it all! I pondered on these words and last line made me smile!
I also like the title of this Haiku! Have a great night!....Maria
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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The first two lines of this poem flow and connect well. The last line
says it all! I pondered on these words and last line made me smile!
I also like the title of this Haiku! Have a great night!....Maria
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Maria, I appreciate you taking the time to review my haiku. Thank you :-) ~DD
Comment from mermaids
Your haiku form creates a clear picture of nature. I think it is the first poem I have read about ants and you describe them perfectly, they do march on silently. Excellent use of words.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Your haiku form creates a clear picture of nature. I think it is the first poem I have read about ants and you describe them perfectly, they do march on silently. Excellent use of words.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to review my haiku, Mermaids. Much appreciated. ~DD
Comment from June Sargent
With the arrival of warmer weather, we will be seeing the advancing army of these marching ants marching In formation. A unique and creative entry for the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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With the arrival of warmer weather, we will be seeing the advancing army of these marching ants marching In formation. A unique and creative entry for the contest.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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June, I appreciate you taking the time to review my haiku. Thank you ~DD
Comment from Marienkiefer
Interesting procession. Of black ants, silently soldiering on, in organized in formation.
-A patriotic and commemorative haiku.
-Brings a very effective, relevant psychological image to readers minds.
-If you did decide to post a visual with this, what would you choose, I wonder?
Nicely written.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Interesting procession. Of black ants, silently soldiering on, in organized in formation.
-A patriotic and commemorative haiku.
-Brings a very effective, relevant psychological image to readers minds.
-If you did decide to post a visual with this, what would you choose, I wonder?
Nicely written.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to review my haiku. Your comments are supportive and much appreciated. As for a picture - many reviewers have asked. I will attach one to the poem when the post ends- keep everyone guessing until then. But, I'm sure your imagination has a better visual :-) ~DD
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
The last line remains capable of two interpretations. I lie the visual impact of the poem as you can see them as men or insects. Although short, haiku are capable of many interpretations!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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The last line remains capable of two interpretations. I lie the visual impact of the poem as you can see them as men or insects. Although short, haiku are capable of many interpretations!
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Sarah, I appreciate your supportive comments on my haiku and for having more than one interpretation on what was written. I am pleased you saw it that way as I was playing on words in every line. Only you and one other saw it for more than just ants marching. Thank you ~DD
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Very best wishes from Cambridge, UK
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Thank you and best regards from Australia :-)
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thanks!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I like that these soldiers are in black uniforms, marching in uniform, silently obeying orders and soldiering on. At first glance, this is a fairly simple poem. Then you read it again and think, "Huh, there's a lot going on here." Very clever. I wonder if a picture would help the presentation, which I mention only because it's up for reviewing and I think they must look at the whole picture.
Good luck - this is terrific!
Pam
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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I like that these soldiers are in black uniforms, marching in uniform, silently obeying orders and soldiering on. At first glance, this is a fairly simple poem. Then you read it again and think, "Huh, there's a lot going on here." Very clever. I wonder if a picture would help the presentation, which I mention only because it's up for reviewing and I think they must look at the whole picture.
Good luck - this is terrific!
Pam
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2023
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Pam, I have to say you are the ONLY reviewer who actually fully 'got' my haiku entry. It wasn't just about ants but more. The play on words was perhaps too much for some to comprehend. I purposely didn't place a picture - even though I had a fantastic one. It would have been too easy and given it all away at first glance. The satori would have been anticipated. I guess if I did attach a picture I would have received more sixers perhaps but that is not what haiku poetry is all about. C'est la vie. I really appreciate your understanding of my train of thought. Thank you again. ~xox
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Perhaps we're on the same train:-)
Comment from karenina
Oh. Very profound. I guess it's the nature of the beast then... Follow the leader. Do not lag behind and for God's sake, just shut up and do your job!
Karenina
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Oh. Very profound. I guess it's the nature of the beast then... Follow the leader. Do not lag behind and for God's sake, just shut up and do your job!
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2023
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Karenina, I appreciate your kind and fun review on my haiku :-) Thank you ~DD
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Thanks...
Comment from GWHARGIS
This made me think of the animated movie Ants. They do look like soldiers, don't they. Many units, one goal. This was a very clever haiku. Great imagery in this. Thank you for posting. Gretchen
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
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This made me think of the animated movie Ants. They do look like soldiers, don't they. Many units, one goal. This was a very clever haiku. Great imagery in this. Thank you for posting. Gretchen
Comment Written 28-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Gretchen. I appreciate you taking the time to review my haiku poem :-) Blessings to you. ~DD
Comment from lyenochka
I see why you didn't use a picture so we would be surprised at the end! That's so cool to call the "attire" of the ants as "black uniforms" and I liked your use of "soldiers" as a verb. I think this will do well in the contest!
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
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I see why you didn't use a picture so we would be surprised at the end! That's so cool to call the "attire" of the ants as "black uniforms" and I liked your use of "soldiers" as a verb. I think this will do well in the contest!
Comment Written 28-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Helen. I do appreciate your review on my haiku. Unfortunately, many reviewers took this piece literally. Which is why I also did not place a picture to completely numb the senses. This whole piece was a play on words.
The first line is of - uniform - the same look, but it is not just a - noun. It also relates to consistent and undifferentiated - adjective.
The second line was a play on words that related to the - army ant - or - soldier ant - which exist. And soldiering on as they all have a mission.
The third line also related to being - in line - and not just an adverb - side by side or equal - but an adjective of - conforming.
Too many play on words for people to read deeper than the obvious short description of - ants. But, at least I enjoyed writing it.
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I refused to explain all that in the author notes. It would defeat the object of writing the haiku.
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I think it was masterfully done!
Comment from Kaiku
Got a nice visual on this lineup. Did you not have a pic to draw from? Not that this one needed it because the visual came rather easily. Nice entry and best of luck.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
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Got a nice visual on this lineup. Did you not have a pic to draw from? Not that this one needed it because the visual came rather easily. Nice entry and best of luck.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2023
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Plenty of pictures to choose from. Purposely didn?t use a picture as it would be too obvious a write. Imagination at the end is the key. Unfortunately the literal was taken here with many as opposed to the double meaning in each line. Ce?st la vie. Thanks for reviewing :-).
