The Farewell
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Farewell VIII"Last conversations with dad
7 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Kaiku,
I find these times are such a trial. Visitation and the funeral. I can't see that many people would come to a play about someone dying and the planning. There would have to be some family bickering, a little drama, to make it interesting. Or go a different way, and toss in some comedy. Just my personal opinion.
"A COUPLE DAYS HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED FOR A VISITATION." ... (I suggest,
A COUPLE OF DAYS HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED FOR VISITATION.)
"THE CHURCH SERVICES WILL START AT 10AM WHEN THAT DAY COMES." ... (SERVICE)
"HOW I`M DOING MOM?" ... (I suggest,
HOW AM I DOING MOM?)
"AS FAR AS CHURCH SERVICES" ... (I suggest,
AS FOR THE CHURCH SERVICE)
"DAN AND MARTHA WILL SING AND TIM WILL BE ON THE PIANO." ... (I suggest,
DAN AND MARTHA WILL SING AND TIM WILL BE AT THE PIANO.)
"PULLBEARERS WILL BE MIKE, KEVIN, DAN, TIM, JERRY, AND JIM." ... (PALLBEARERS)
"YOU`RE SUCH A GOOD WRITER. WOULD THAT BE, OK?"
(I suggest,
YOU`RE SUCH A GOOD WRITER. WOULD THAT BE OKAY?)
"I`D LIKE NOTHIG MORE." ... (NOTHING)
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Hi Kaiku,
I find these times are such a trial. Visitation and the funeral. I can't see that many people would come to a play about someone dying and the planning. There would have to be some family bickering, a little drama, to make it interesting. Or go a different way, and toss in some comedy. Just my personal opinion.
"A COUPLE DAYS HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED FOR A VISITATION." ... (I suggest,
A COUPLE OF DAYS HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED FOR VISITATION.)
"THE CHURCH SERVICES WILL START AT 10AM WHEN THAT DAY COMES." ... (SERVICE)
"HOW I`M DOING MOM?" ... (I suggest,
HOW AM I DOING MOM?)
"AS FAR AS CHURCH SERVICES" ... (I suggest,
AS FOR THE CHURCH SERVICE)
"DAN AND MARTHA WILL SING AND TIM WILL BE ON THE PIANO." ... (I suggest,
DAN AND MARTHA WILL SING AND TIM WILL BE AT THE PIANO.)
"PULLBEARERS WILL BE MIKE, KEVIN, DAN, TIM, JERRY, AND JIM." ... (PALLBEARERS)
"YOU`RE SUCH A GOOD WRITER. WOULD THAT BE, OK?"
(I suggest,
YOU`RE SUCH A GOOD WRITER. WOULD THAT BE OKAY?)
"I`D LIKE NOTHIG MORE." ... (NOTHING)
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 16-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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good points, however, I am unable to change the tone of the family as this is how the family behaved. If I do something different then then it becomes a rather fictitious work. Although the conversations are rather made-up, the tone isn`t. Make sense. The ending will offer a bit of a twist. Very short but very dynamic. Releasing it tomorrow sometime. I value your comments. I need to make some of those corrections. Thanks.
Comment from lyenochka
Each farewell with the father has been touching and shows a lot of love and respect. I liked how the family all are working together to help their mother with all the preparations for the funeral.
I`D LIKE NOTHIG MORE. (NOTHING)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Each farewell with the father has been touching and shows a lot of love and respect. I liked how the family all are working together to help their mother with all the preparations for the funeral.
I`D LIKE NOTHIG MORE. (NOTHING)
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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👍
Comment from Teri7
I enjoyed reading your very well written script. You used very good descriptive words and great imagery from your words and the picture you chose. Thank you for sharing! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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I enjoyed reading your very well written script. You used very good descriptive words and great imagery from your words and the picture you chose. Thank you for sharing! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thanks Teri. The final comes in 3 days. Then it will be over. Glad you enjoyed.
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You are so welcome!!! I look forward to reading the rest!!!
Comment from Lea Tonin1
This is very wonderfully put out Organized well thought through script. You can certainly see that there's been work been a lot of work done here. It's extremely good. I find no issues with your
Such a gifted writer you are to put so much effort obvious hard work into this excellent love. It you're really really really really good piece of work here. Thank you so much for sharing it. I appreciate it. I'm sure the rest of us will to! hope you have a great day!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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This is very wonderfully put out Organized well thought through script. You can certainly see that there's been work been a lot of work done here. It's extremely good. I find no issues with your
Such a gifted writer you are to put so much effort obvious hard work into this excellent love. It you're really really really really good piece of work here. Thank you so much for sharing it. I appreciate it. I'm sure the rest of us will to! hope you have a great day!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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You are being very, very, very nice. Thank you very much. Just one more and it will be done. 3/17/23 Oh boy!
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You are most welcome and it's well deserved. Congratulations on being almost done. I imagine it feels like quite an accomplishment and it should because it is! Awesome work!
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smile
Comment from jmdg1954
Kaiku,
More family closure in this script between Tim and his father. Additional script with other family members having to factor in all the other tangibles needed in planning.
John
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Kaiku,
More family closure in this script between Tim and his father. Additional script with other family members having to factor in all the other tangibles needed in planning.
John
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. Appreciated for sure.
Comment from Jim Wile
This really is a remarkable family you have painted here, K. They remain so composed as they plan for the end. So loving they are, and it's easy to see the love of their parents in all of it. It is bittersweet and heartwarming, and you've done a masterful job with this. Jim
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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This really is a remarkable family you have painted here, K. They remain so composed as they plan for the end. So loving they are, and it's easy to see the love of their parents in all of it. It is bittersweet and heartwarming, and you've done a masterful job with this. Jim
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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One more to go and it will wrap up. Thanks for your very nice comments.
Comment from royowen
A very unusual script, explained rather than with dialogue, I would encourage you to attempt the dialogue. I think you've created a marvellous theme, some of those family relations can come to a great festering at that time. Beautifully written blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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A very unusual script, explained rather than with dialogue, I would encourage you to attempt the dialogue. I think you've created a marvellous theme, some of those family relations can come to a great festering at that time. Beautifully written blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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Thanks. Appreciate the time to read the work and comments.
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Most welcome
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Well done
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👍
