Pay Day
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Pay Day, pt 7"One fine spring day at school
9 total reviews
Comment from Rebecca Roberts1
Thank you for this story. With all the shootings in schools, this was a breath of fresh air. It saddens me when I hear of people holding prayer vigils after the fact, when they should have prayed to prevent anything from happening.
Wonderful job.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2023
Thank you for this story. With all the shootings in schools, this was a breath of fresh air. It saddens me when I hear of people holding prayer vigils after the fact, when they should have prayed to prevent anything from happening.
Wonderful job.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your great review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Jesus's love wins five! God does tell us where we are needed. Sometimes we just don't listen. So happy your story has a happy ending, nothing could be better than those guys finding friends and God.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
Jesus's love wins five! God does tell us where we are needed. Sometimes we just don't listen. So happy your story has a happy ending, nothing could be better than those guys finding friends and God.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your great review.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
You end one paragraph by saying "the lasy day he'd ever have to be concerned about anyone knowing his name. They wouldn't thereafter. Everybody would know his name." Do you mean "They would thereafter"?
I guess this gives truth to the phrase "God's crusaders". These kids who want to do harm seem not to have ever wanted to in the first place, just felt trapped in a life that wasn't working out for them. They seem easily turned away by the Bible Club's words, hopefully the kids in the Club will continue their support long after their initial introductions.
This was a fast-paced chapter and a good read. There are backpacks stowed away and waiting for action - we'll see who takes it or if these encounters knocked them back to their senses.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
You end one paragraph by saying "the lasy day he'd ever have to be concerned about anyone knowing his name. They wouldn't thereafter. Everybody would know his name." Do you mean "They would thereafter"?
I guess this gives truth to the phrase "God's crusaders". These kids who want to do harm seem not to have ever wanted to in the first place, just felt trapped in a life that wasn't working out for them. They seem easily turned away by the Bible Club's words, hopefully the kids in the Club will continue their support long after their initial introductions.
This was a fast-paced chapter and a good read. There are backpacks stowed away and waiting for action - we'll see who takes it or if these encounters knocked them back to their senses.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you for the catch.
My hope was that readers would see the Holy Spirit in action, touching people, through people.
I think kids with evil intent would be, in large measure, easily dissuaded if confronted.
Thank you for your thoughtful review.
Comment from Wendy G
Good. The disaster averted, at least temporarily. I wasn't quite sure why John was so upset over the weekend ( went back to check if I had missed a chapter). Their plan seemed to work, although I am not sure if it would work in reality. Am I doubting God's work? I hope not, but my experience is that troubled kids need much more in-depth spiritual conversation than the few fleeting words they received, and those really bent on killing would likely not have changed their minds so quickly. But the writing itself was good.
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
Good. The disaster averted, at least temporarily. I wasn't quite sure why John was so upset over the weekend ( went back to check if I had missed a chapter). Their plan seemed to work, although I am not sure if it would work in reality. Am I doubting God's work? I hope not, but my experience is that troubled kids need much more in-depth spiritual conversation than the few fleeting words they received, and those really bent on killing would likely not have changed their minds so quickly. But the writing itself was good.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your thoughtful review.
My hope was that readers would see the Holy Spirit in action, touching people, through people.
I think kids with evil intent would be, in large measure, easily dissuaded if confronted.
But in reality, I believe that without the Holy Spirit's direct involvement the forces of evil in the U.S. might prevail.
Comment from lyenochka
I liked how you matched up the troubled kids with the ones specifically moved by the Holy Spirit to reach out and care for each of them. I especially liked the interaction between Chelsea and Anthony and that Brett was close behind to offer supporting prayers. I hope the violence intended was averted.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
I liked how you matched up the troubled kids with the ones specifically moved by the Holy Spirit to reach out and care for each of them. I especially liked the interaction between Chelsea and Anthony and that Brett was close behind to offer supporting prayers. I hope the violence intended was averted.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your very great review.
Comment from royowen
I think there's nothing more can jog the conscience of folk, than saying that
Jesus loves them, but also that talk can attract great mocking too. But it shows also that love can change a bad situation, despite the complications of life, it seems to override all else. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
I think there's nothing more can jog the conscience of folk, than saying that
Jesus loves them, but also that talk can attract great mocking too. But it shows also that love can change a bad situation, despite the complications of life, it seems to override all else. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Thank you for a very kind review.
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Most welcome
Comment from eliz100
This is an excellent chapter. It looks like prayer is working which I think is wonderful. My heart breaks for those teens who are picked on in Jr. and Senior High. You portrayed this very well. I do not see any room for improvement, Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
This is an excellent chapter. It looks like prayer is working which I think is wonderful. My heart breaks for those teens who are picked on in Jr. and Senior High. You portrayed this very well. I do not see any room for improvement, Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Thank you for a very kind review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is really great, compelling reading, except for the very beginning where John's behaviour and intimated breakdown seem unexplained -I feel as though there was a slight break in continuity from the last episode. kay
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
This is really great, compelling reading, except for the very beginning where John's behaviour and intimated breakdown seem unexplained -I feel as though there was a slight break in continuity from the last episode. kay
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Thank you.
And thank you for the six stars!
I meant for John to be too choked up to speak clearly. I'll fix it to better convey that.
The last episode, they prayed for one another (for strength to endure, or whatever). They agreed to meet the next morning 30 minutes early. that's where this one started.
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yes I remembered that, I just couldn't work out what had upset him so much over the weekend that he didn't answer their calls or explain
Comment from Wyon Stansfeld
oh gosh, I'm sorry but as an agnostic I gave up reading this quite soon on. All the references to God and bible class etc leave me cold. I am sure there will be Christians who will give you a much better review than I possibly good but I am telling you this frankly so that you know you are writing for a selected audience.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
oh gosh, I'm sorry but as an agnostic I gave up reading this quite soon on. All the references to God and bible class etc leave me cold. I am sure there will be Christians who will give you a much better review than I possibly good but I am telling you this frankly so that you know you are writing for a selected audience.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Of course I knew it. Just as I prefer not to review vampires or pornography. I am, though, quite able to review the writing of genres not particularly to my taste.
I note that although you rated this piece a single star, you failed to point out any error whatsoever. I rate your review a zero.
"a much better review than I possibly good " - This makes no sense.
Thank you.