Angels Unaware
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Little Red Wagon"A Memoir and Love Story
9 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Perhaps mention your age in this episode: When I was X, my desperate older sister . . .
Suggest: (a) creep named Allan
Perhaps: I'm not (exactly) sure what prompted me to run away from home.
Neither knew how to be a father figure, (even) if (they'd cared to.)
Perhaps instead of the echo of "I'm not sure" use: (I don't know) how I evaded everyone.
I knew it would be five miles to the next town(, Cicero,) where my father . . .
Delete: about. I remembered him telling us kids how far away he was
Suggest delete: I'm pretty sure.
no one stopped (to) question
More than halfway (there) the smell of . . .
Suggest delete: enough. Certain landmarks told me I was close,
Suggest: (and) the firehouse
Suggest instead of "Not sure how" use: (Somehow,) I got through the busy intersection in Cicero, (and) once I did,
Good description of adrenaline and the feel of it going through you, motivating you.
Suggest: I crossed the street (and) hurried to the garage door, (then) noticed (that) my father's car wasn't there.
Suggest: My only hope was to ask the (landlady) Delete: left.
Perhaps: sigh of relief
You certainly did accomplish something on the level of swimming across an ocean or climbing the tallest mountain. This was your Everest, in truth.
A powerful story.
Sol
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Perhaps mention your age in this episode: When I was X, my desperate older sister . . .
Suggest: (a) creep named Allan
Perhaps: I'm not (exactly) sure what prompted me to run away from home.
Neither knew how to be a father figure, (even) if (they'd cared to.)
Perhaps instead of the echo of "I'm not sure" use: (I don't know) how I evaded everyone.
I knew it would be five miles to the next town(, Cicero,) where my father . . .
Delete: about. I remembered him telling us kids how far away he was
Suggest delete: I'm pretty sure.
no one stopped (to) question
More than halfway (there) the smell of . . .
Suggest delete: enough. Certain landmarks told me I was close,
Suggest: (and) the firehouse
Suggest instead of "Not sure how" use: (Somehow,) I got through the busy intersection in Cicero, (and) once I did,
Good description of adrenaline and the feel of it going through you, motivating you.
Suggest: I crossed the street (and) hurried to the garage door, (then) noticed (that) my father's car wasn't there.
Suggest: My only hope was to ask the (landlady) Delete: left.
Perhaps: sigh of relief
You certainly did accomplish something on the level of swimming across an ocean or climbing the tallest mountain. This was your Everest, in truth.
A powerful story.
Sol
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
Comment from Ben Colder
How blessed some of us are. We were children and nobody cared. Then came Jesus who cared. You were a brave kid and blessed to be where you are today. Keep it rolling, Stan.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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How blessed some of us are. We were children and nobody cared. Then came Jesus who cared. You were a brave kid and blessed to be where you are today. Keep it rolling, Stan.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2023
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Forgot to thank you for this little story within a story. My true story of God's love and God finding a spouse.
Comment from Alaskastory
"The Little Red Wagon" gives a clear picture of Tom pulling his wagon for hours to get to a new home where he hopes his father will accept him. Your words are perfect for expressing his thoughts.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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"The Little Red Wagon" gives a clear picture of Tom pulling his wagon for hours to get to a new home where he hopes his father will accept him. Your words are perfect for expressing his thoughts.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2023
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Thanks for both exceptional ratings.
Comment from royowen
What a terrible time for you, I'm surprised you managed to get all that way to your dad's place, a long trip for a small boy, but I'm surprised you made, obviously a resourceful boy, I m loving your story, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : When I (rapt) on the door. Rapped?
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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What a terrible time for you, I'm surprised you managed to get all that way to your dad's place, a long trip for a small boy, but I'm surprised you made, obviously a resourceful boy, I m loving your story, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : When I (rapt) on the door. Rapped?
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks Roy. So much of what shaped my early life led me to seek and see if there were divine answers, and why life seemed Godless, despite growing up as a catholic. My testimony will surface eventually. Part of why I was motivated to get through the pain of reliving this is to show there's hope and healing in Jesus.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I guess most kids run away at some point. Some return and others don't. You did a great job, and I'm eager to read more. You are such a good writer. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I guess most kids run away at some point. Some return and others don't. You did a great job, and I'm eager to read more. You are such a good writer. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much Shirley. It means so much to have your feedback
Comment from BethShelby
I'm amazed that you were able to walk so far and knew how to find your Dad apartment unless you'd been there a lot of times before. I was never afraid my Dad would hurt me either, but there were times I was afraid he would hurt my mother.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I'm amazed that you were able to walk so far and knew how to find your Dad apartment unless you'd been there a lot of times before. I was never afraid my Dad would hurt me either, but there were times I was afraid he would hurt my mother.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much Beth and your keen sense of how the child in me would have reacted.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
Reality can be hard-edged. You have managed to tell the particulars of this story without excuse or apparent embellishment. The images are clear.
The language is blunt and unsubtle. The ending is open and leads to a wish to continue reading.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Reality can be hard-edged. You have managed to tell the particulars of this story without excuse or apparent embellishment. The images are clear.
The language is blunt and unsubtle. The ending is open and leads to a wish to continue reading.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much for your review and especially your keen insight.
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You are welcome.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm guessing the car that pulled in the drive way was your mom's? I liked your description of fear in " I swallowed a ball of fear. My stomach flipped inside." I wonder if this adventure put you in the position to negotiate no more baths with Allan.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I'm guessing the car that pulled in the drive way was your mom's? I liked your description of fear in " I swallowed a ball of fear. My stomach flipped inside." I wonder if this adventure put you in the position to negotiate no more baths with Allan.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much. Later Allan marries and my older sister and him move to Colorado, where years later it was discovered he had made peepholes in cabins that they would rent out to tourist in Colorado Springs. It appears he's still alive and 75, but I'm pretty sure he has a criminal record.
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Yikes! So glad you didn't experience anything worse at his hands!
Comment from JT traveller
And what hard truths you have told. Exceptional writing which could not have been easy to write. Unfortunately I can relate on a slightly different level. Being molested by your sister's boyfriend and no one came to your aid? My heart bleeds for you. To tell the truth or write it down eases our own burdens. I have done that and I congratulate you in doing that too. I recently submitted a poem called loss of family. I tell the truth as it occurred. It was hard.
Thankyou so much for sharing, you are not alone.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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And what hard truths you have told. Exceptional writing which could not have been easy to write. Unfortunately I can relate on a slightly different level. Being molested by your sister's boyfriend and no one came to your aid? My heart bleeds for you. To tell the truth or write it down eases our own burdens. I have done that and I congratulate you in doing that too. I recently submitted a poem called loss of family. I tell the truth as it occurred. It was hard.
Thankyou so much for sharing, you are not alone.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thanks for this in-depth and heartfelt review!
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My pleasure. Take care.