Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 142 "For Someone Else"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
2 total reviews
Comment from Mintybee
The poem is short, and starts with a traditional form "Roses are red etc." The abcb rhyme scheme works. I'm not sure I understand your picture choice. It doesn't seem to fit with your poem. I read your author's comments. It's a very sad story. I think it could have worked better as a longer poem, or a short nonfiction story, as there is so much more to the idea behind your poem than what's conveyed in four short lines. It's a concise sum up of your philosophy on love though, so that was well done.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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The poem is short, and starts with a traditional form "Roses are red etc." The abcb rhyme scheme works. I'm not sure I understand your picture choice. It doesn't seem to fit with your poem. I read your author's comments. It's a very sad story. I think it could have worked better as a longer poem, or a short nonfiction story, as there is so much more to the idea behind your poem than what's conveyed in four short lines. It's a concise sum up of your philosophy on love though, so that was well done.
Mintybee
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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I suppose I should make it into a short story. Thanks for the suggestion, Mintybee!
Comment from Ricky1024
This is a Love Writing Contest Prompt entry, rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Based on homelessness and starvation, your artwork presents a wonderful view and that entirely different way.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
I would suggest if you want to enter this contest.
You need to lengthen it.
And, Number Two.
Bring it to life with some real life subjects.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
|
This is a Love Writing Contest Prompt entry, rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Based on homelessness and starvation, your artwork presents a wonderful view and that entirely different way.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
I would suggest if you want to enter this contest.
You need to lengthen it.
And, Number Two.
Bring it to life with some real life subjects.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Thanks for your review, Doctor Ricky. Any suggestions for improvement?