Going Under
A child undergoes a minor procedure and fears death.43 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, Beth! I hope it does as well as it should in the contest.
and I didn't like having to wait on the adults in my life. [Since you used "and" in the previous clause, you shouldn't use it here.]
Suddenly, l opened my eyes and saw the smiling face of the nurse. "Ah... I see you're back with us. It's all done. No more splinter. You and your mom can go home now." [Oh Beth this is such a good paragraph! I was expecting, as I imagine all other readers were expecting, the nurse to be telling her she had to breathe deeply this time ... only to find out that the operation was over. What made it so good was that the reader's experience of reading that paragraph was like the the child-Beth's experience in waking.]
Wow! I'm impressed!
Jay
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, Beth! I hope it does as well as it should in the contest.
and I didn't like having to wait on the adults in my life. [Since you used "and" in the previous clause, you shouldn't use it here.]
Suddenly, l opened my eyes and saw the smiling face of the nurse. "Ah... I see you're back with us. It's all done. No more splinter. You and your mom can go home now." [Oh Beth this is such a good paragraph! I was expecting, as I imagine all other readers were expecting, the nurse to be telling her she had to breathe deeply this time ... only to find out that the operation was over. What made it so good was that the reader's experience of reading that paragraph was like the the child-Beth's experience in waking.]
Wow! I'm impressed!
Jay
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Jay, I delighted that you liked my little story. I love your enthusiastic comments.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
Great story. I love the way that you used the descriptive words to tell of your fears, and describe your feelings when they were going to put you under. That woud seem scary to me as well. Great description of the bins in the store also. Your story was interesting and quite enjoyable to read it. Your words flowed well along with the descriptions to create good imagery and rich in theme. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Great story. I love the way that you used the descriptive words to tell of your fears, and describe your feelings when they were going to put you under. That woud seem scary to me as well. Great description of the bins in the store also. Your story was interesting and quite enjoyable to read it. Your words flowed well along with the descriptions to create good imagery and rich in theme. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you Jacquelyn, I"m glad you liked my story. I think we get very anxious about being put to sleep at any age. We don't like to feel we no longer have control of what happens to us.
Beth
Comment from royowen
I can remember the ether, but not for long did it last much longer, now, of course one can get a local anaesthetic, which can be very painful, but it works very well, thanks for sharing your "near death" experiences, Beth blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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I can remember the ether, but not for long did it last much longer, now, of course one can get a local anaesthetic, which can be very painful, but it works very well, thanks for sharing your "near death" experiences, Beth blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you Roy. I don't know how much longer ether was used. Someone told me they don't put children to sleep in Australia any more. I would thing they would use something to ease the pain.
Beth
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I don?t know whether they do or not, that one anymore Beth,
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They do have special doctor/dentists, who are very skilful ministering to children,
