Lessons Learned and Spiritual
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 " Beauty of Their Story"Do good and feel good poems
60 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Debi, some people have to learn that they need not say everything that they are thinking. A little thought before speaking can go a long way. Children can be so cruel, and so can adults, like hospital workers who say careless things about patients and even laugh in their face. My daughter and I witnessed a very old and elderly patient being laughed at and mocked to the face by the nurses that were taking care of them. Unreal.
Your poem reads and flows well and your message is clear. Of special note:
My grandson said, you're cruel, you think it's easy in this chair
Mean bullies just like you, should have to spend some time in there
(Bullies definitely should have to spend some time in a wheelchair and maybe even on a psychiatrist couch.)
Well done. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. Xo. M
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Hi Debi, some people have to learn that they need not say everything that they are thinking. A little thought before speaking can go a long way. Children can be so cruel, and so can adults, like hospital workers who say careless things about patients and even laugh in their face. My daughter and I witnessed a very old and elderly patient being laughed at and mocked to the face by the nurses that were taking care of them. Unreal.
Your poem reads and flows well and your message is clear. Of special note:
My grandson said, you're cruel, you think it's easy in this chair
Mean bullies just like you, should have to spend some time in there
(Bullies definitely should have to spend some time in a wheelchair and maybe even on a psychiatrist couch.)
Well done. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. Xo. M
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Oh Margaret I can't thank you enough for you're sweet review and thoughtful comments. I am not at all surprised by the nurses mocking a patient. Look at the ignorance behind those who did my surgery. We have talked before how we have to be so on the ball because the majority of pros now, you have to partially do their jobs for them. I guess it is safe to tell you now as you can it is me. At first I didn't know the contest was done and wondered how you knew it was me.. I did take second place and very happy with that.
Comment from LJbutterfly
The message this poem delivers, is powerful and stated clearly. The examples given strongly support the message with smooth rhymes and rich imagery. Even the beautiful butterfly picture with happy eyes provides an introduction and foundation for the words of your poem. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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The message this poem delivers, is powerful and stated clearly. The examples given strongly support the message with smooth rhymes and rich imagery. Even the beautiful butterfly picture with happy eyes provides an introduction and foundation for the words of your poem. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Lorraine, I had a feeling you might like that butterfly. Haha!
I thank you for your very kind review and comments for my poem, and your thoughtful words for me.
I sure appreciate it my friend
Comment from Ginda Simpson
You string together such fine examples of the ways many pass judgement without knowing the burdens others may carry. At the same time, your poem illustrates simple ways to make a difference, one small, kind gesture at a time. A good contest entry.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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You string together such fine examples of the ways many pass judgement without knowing the burdens others may carry. At the same time, your poem illustrates simple ways to make a difference, one small, kind gesture at a time. A good contest entry.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Hi Ginda, thank you so much for your lovely review of this poem. It even made me a little more aware of my own actions and I lived it. So thanks again my sweet friend.
Comment from Jay Mo
I think the lesson and moral of this story is crucial. Thank you for crafting it and sharing it--perhaps someone will make small changes to themselves because of it. A small critique, and it could just be me, the sixth line of the poem doesn't flow in the same way as the rest. I love the line itself and what you're trying to say, but maybe it needs some rearranging of words? What do you think?
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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I think the lesson and moral of this story is crucial. Thank you for crafting it and sharing it--perhaps someone will make small changes to themselves because of it. A small critique, and it could just be me, the sixth line of the poem doesn't flow in the same way as the rest. I love the line itself and what you're trying to say, but maybe it needs some rearranging of words? What do you think?
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Hi Jay, I sure do appreciate your encouraging feedback. Y'know both of those lines felt off for me. And so many times after looking at those pieces for hours on end, you lose your objectivity. So I just went in and edited them both to say: A homeless little boy said, yes, we're living in our car
But we could sure use friends who just like us for who we are.
What do you think? Does that sound as good to you as it does to me. This way it isn't the little boy asking for himself, but the whole family.
And btw, thank you for the lovely comments on my poem.
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OOOHH I love that. That flows so much better and adds a whole other layer of homeless aspect! Perfect. (and you are welcome)!
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Oh Jay, you are new here. Welcome to FS. I hope you find what most of us do, that this is almost like a second family. It looks like you have a sweet first family too, he looks a lot like my grandson. I will be posting something tonight that his picture will show, but since this is a blind contest, I can't do it until later. Thanks again.
Comment from Frank Malley
This homespun poem focuses the reader upon the cruelty so often aroused in boys between 11 and 16 years old. It's an ugly thing to witness, as the examples in this poem make clear. "Beauty of Their Story" uses 7-beat trochaic lines to depict adolescent cruelty, and then devotes some lines to a fix: generosity, empathy, good will.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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This homespun poem focuses the reader upon the cruelty so often aroused in boys between 11 and 16 years old. It's an ugly thing to witness, as the examples in this poem make clear. "Beauty of Their Story" uses 7-beat trochaic lines to depict adolescent cruelty, and then devotes some lines to a fix: generosity, empathy, good will.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Thank you Frank. I do appreciate your very kind comments for this poem and the fact that you notice those thoughtless comments that are made to usually more vulnerable people. Power acts like that are usually paid back by something named Karma, but knowing that doesn't help it feel better at the time. I know, because I am too sensitive and some people can read that in you and take advantage. So thanks again for your awesome review, my dear friend.
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You're welcome. Be well. Frank
Comment from ESOSTINE
I really enjoyed reading your beautiful poem with smooth flow and rhythm like a song. Thanks for sharing your story. I found the core message of the poem very lovely in a world of selfishness. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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I really enjoyed reading your beautiful poem with smooth flow and rhythm like a song. Thanks for sharing your story. I found the core message of the poem very lovely in a world of selfishness. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2023
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Esostine, I just can't thank you enough for your very kind review and comments for my poem, and your thoughtful gift of six stars.
I sure appreciate it my friend
Comment from June Sargent
I could not agree with you more! It is so cruel to judge someone without knowing the story behind the face. And when we do take the time to learn about them, there is beauty in truth. Thank you for the reminder to be compassionate...
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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I could not agree with you more! It is so cruel to judge someone without knowing the story behind the face. And when we do take the time to learn about them, there is beauty in truth. Thank you for the reminder to be compassionate...
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
June, I thank you so very much for always having sweet things to say and being so thoughtful in your reviews. Your kind words are always so appreciated. I sure appreciate the six stars and the lovely review. Thank you again my friend.
Comment from oliver818
This is a nice poem with a great message, one we could do with hearing more often. So often we just walk on past or judge as you say. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day
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This is a nice poem with a great message, one we could do with hearing more often. So often we just walk on past or judge as you say. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this. We all need to work on kindness, especially in the colder months when the holidays are over. My favorite lines were: They might be homeless, crippled, sick or having a bad day
But you could make a difference; offer help in some small way
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I liked reading this. We all need to work on kindness, especially in the colder months when the holidays are over. My favorite lines were: They might be homeless, crippled, sick or having a bad day
But you could make a difference; offer help in some small way
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a beautifully written poem. It has a great flow and rhyme. A wonderful message about judging others. We should not judge others we are all equal. Very well done. Photo is beautiful.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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This is a beautifully written poem. It has a great flow and rhyme. A wonderful message about judging others. We should not judge others we are all equal. Very well done. Photo is beautiful.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
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Joanne, I thank you so very much for always having sweet things to say and being so thoughtful in your reviews. Your kind words are always so appreciated.
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Your so welcome
