Lessons Learned and Spiritual
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Forgiving Cheaters"Do good and feel good poems
46 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is okay, but I think it went too long, and too much. It went from understanding her plight to well, maybe there is something wrong with this woman, then ended on... yes, there is certainly something wrong with this woman.
notes:
The length needs to be looked at.
The theme is forgiveness, but the ending and some part conflict with that
A few lines seem forced.
Your children cheated too, as any loving mom forbids
- I don't get this line.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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This is okay, but I think it went too long, and too much. It went from understanding her plight to well, maybe there is something wrong with this woman, then ended on... yes, there is certainly something wrong with this woman.
notes:
The length needs to be looked at.
The theme is forgiveness, but the ending and some part conflict with that
A few lines seem forced.
Your children cheated too, as any loving mom forbids
- I don't get this line.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Yes. Lancellot you are absolutely right. In fact this is the first day I have been back after falling ill and letting another author make some decisions for me. Which I just finished changed myself. I shortened it and cut down on the whining. Heck, I might have cheated on her too, and I'm a woman. So thanks for your comments my friend, and I think it looks a lot better. However, the Bobbitt lady was my favorite part/ so she stayed.
Comment from Regina Elliott
Hello dear friend, thank you
so much for your kind reply
to my tribute poem to you.
You're such a ray of sunshine!
Infidelity hurts people so
much in their heart and soul.
Some spouses choose to
move on, then forgive from
a distance in the new chapter
of their life after divorce. I
heard cheating can hurt men
as well as women. Some spouses get over it, and
some others don't. I hope
you and your family are
having a lovely Sunday full
of blessings. :))))
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Hello dear friend, thank you
so much for your kind reply
to my tribute poem to you.
You're such a ray of sunshine!
Infidelity hurts people so
much in their heart and soul.
Some spouses choose to
move on, then forgive from
a distance in the new chapter
of their life after divorce. I
heard cheating can hurt men
as well as women. Some spouses get over it, and
some others don't. I hope
you and your family are
having a lovely Sunday full
of blessings. :))))
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much Regina for the lovely review for this blind contest entry. It didn't end up as I had hoped, but I fear my muse has blown a fuse. Aha, now there's a poem I need to write. Haha! Thank you for your awesome comments and for your six stars. They mean so much to me my friend.
Comment from Frank Malley
"Forgiving Cheaters" is an excellent, matter-of-fact styled rhyme in couplets that tells of infidelity, its guises and its injuries. The poem rhymes well, moves well, and makes its sense effectively. I would've changed line 10 to read something like 'You really must be kidding - could you lie that well in a sonnet?'
Since it's a poem, and in some sense a fiction, I wouldn't have included any forgiveness for the transgression. Just move forward on the Lorena Bobbitt plan.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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"Forgiving Cheaters" is an excellent, matter-of-fact styled rhyme in couplets that tells of infidelity, its guises and its injuries. The poem rhymes well, moves well, and makes its sense effectively. I would've changed line 10 to read something like 'You really must be kidding - could you lie that well in a sonnet?'
Since it's a poem, and in some sense a fiction, I wouldn't have included any forgiveness for the transgression. Just move forward on the Lorena Bobbitt plan.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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I hear you Frank. I entered this prompt with the idea of being hard on the cheater and use more humor and satire. If this contest wouldn't have been about about forgiveness, it wouldn't even be mentioned.
And thanks once again for the feedback and for your suggestion in line 10. You've never steered me wrong so I will try to find a way that it works w the heptameter. Thanks my dear friend. Love ya!
Comment from GWHARGIS
I don't care for country music but I have always lived this song. So fitting for your poem. Though it is a heartbreaking and serious subject, I like the comedic ending. The advice in the author notes was a great touch. Well written. Gretchen
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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I don't care for country music but I have always lived this song. So fitting for your poem. Though it is a heartbreaking and serious subject, I like the comedic ending. The advice in the author notes was a great touch. Well written. Gretchen
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Hi Gretchen, my sweet friend, you always have the most fun or interesting comments. thank you so much for your very kind review and words for my poem. They are so appreciated, my dear friend!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
This work is fine save for, I think, one error. ATO???
find ways ato stop it 'Cause if you don't, I will be, the next Loreana Bobbitt
The body is willing but the mind for cheaters is a different place.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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This work is fine save for, I think, one error. ATO???
find ways ato stop it 'Cause if you don't, I will be, the next Loreana Bobbitt
The body is willing but the mind for cheaters is a different place.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Sorry Tom, It was a mistake while changing . Should be fixed.now Thank you so much for reading & reviewing. And I agree so wholeheartedly!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This poem is a powerful and emotional expression of betrayal and hurt caused by infidelity. The speaker's tone is one of anger and frustration, as they confront the unfaithful partner for their actions. The imagery of the stormy night and the speaker's worry and fear adds to the emotional impact of the poem. The use of sarcasm and irony, such as the line "You really must be kidding me, I'll soon write you a sonnet," adds a biting tone to the poem. The reference to Lorena Bobbitt, a woman who famously cut off her husband's penis, adds a stark warning of the consequences of continued infidelity. Overall, this poem is a raw and powerful expression of the pain of betrayal and the determination to not be a victim.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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This poem is a powerful and emotional expression of betrayal and hurt caused by infidelity. The speaker's tone is one of anger and frustration, as they confront the unfaithful partner for their actions. The imagery of the stormy night and the speaker's worry and fear adds to the emotional impact of the poem. The use of sarcasm and irony, such as the line "You really must be kidding me, I'll soon write you a sonnet," adds a biting tone to the poem. The reference to Lorena Bobbitt, a woman who famously cut off her husband's penis, adds a stark warning of the consequences of continued infidelity. Overall, this poem is a raw and powerful expression of the pain of betrayal and the determination to not be a victim.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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I thank you so much for your very kind review and words for my poem. They are so appreciated, my dear friend! I love your extra little comments and added parts that you liked about it or tell what maybe they should have done different . I' love that when you do that. Thanks again Honey!
Comment from Thesis
This is a very real situation which you portrayed in an interesting way. It had many distinct elements that showed the infidelity, identified the feeling of entitlement and betrayal, along with the victimization that an event like this entails.
The warning at the end was priceless.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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This is a very real situation which you portrayed in an interesting way. It had many distinct elements that showed the infidelity, identified the feeling of entitlement and betrayal, along with the victimization that an event like this entails.
The warning at the end was priceless.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thesis, you always have such great common sense to add to any subject and I thank you so much for your very kind review and words for my poem. They are so appreciated, my dear friend!
Comment from Moonbeams Musings 55
A great much needed message. It is so sad that people do this to each other over and over again. More couples should read this and take the hint. Very well written with a little humor at the end. There may be forgiveness but how can there be any trust! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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A great much needed message. It is so sad that people do this to each other over and over again. More couples should read this and take the hint. Very well written with a little humor at the end. There may be forgiveness but how can there be any trust! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Oh Moonbeams, I have come to just wait for you to come review me as you always have the sweetest most special things to say. I thank you so much for your very kind review and words for my poem. They are so appreciated, my dear friend!
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You are most welcome!💕💕
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Mystery Writer,
Not my kind of marriage, and I'm not certain I could be as forgiving as the speaker in your offering.
I always hate to rate a work less than five stars, but here is my rationale:
1. Forgiveness and facetious do not rhyme.
2. Sorry and worry do not rhyme.
3. But you helped yourself to other's, (others and omit the comma) and stored me on a shelf
4. An inordinate number of unnecessary commas:
a.One stormy night you didn't come home, till 3:30 that morning
You didn't even call me, or give me any warning
b.You made me feel like I should be, ( ) the one to say I'm sorry
c. I thought you knew the nanny, ( ) was just hired for the kids
d. I must have been a laughing stock,( ) with all the crap I took
e. You could have given me, ( ) a disease or an infection
That's why I guarantee, ( )that this will be your last deception
f. It just may be the best lesson, ( ) that you have ever learned
5. Comma spliced sentence: You really must be kidding me, (;) I'll soon write you a sonnet
There still is time to edit...
Best Wishes,
diane
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2023
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Hello, Mystery Writer,
Not my kind of marriage, and I'm not certain I could be as forgiving as the speaker in your offering.
I always hate to rate a work less than five stars, but here is my rationale:
1. Forgiveness and facetious do not rhyme.
2. Sorry and worry do not rhyme.
3. But you helped yourself to other's, (others and omit the comma) and stored me on a shelf
4. An inordinate number of unnecessary commas:
a.One stormy night you didn't come home, till 3:30 that morning
You didn't even call me, or give me any warning
b.You made me feel like I should be, ( ) the one to say I'm sorry
c. I thought you knew the nanny, ( ) was just hired for the kids
d. I must have been a laughing stock,( ) with all the crap I took
e. You could have given me, ( ) a disease or an infection
That's why I guarantee, ( )that this will be your last deception
f. It just may be the best lesson, ( ) that you have ever learned
5. Comma spliced sentence: You really must be kidding me, (;) I'll soon write you a sonnet
There still is time to edit...
Best Wishes,
diane
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2023
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Thanks Diane, I appreciate your feedback so much. A few of these changes were already in the works as lol, I do all of my best editing after I post as for some reason they become the most evident to me after I see it up there.. Someone tried to give me some bad advice w the commas and was already working on removing them. I just knew they didn't belong. Thank you my dear friend, it is much appreciated. Blessings to you!
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Hi Diane, I just wanted you to know that all suggested edits, combined w ones I was working on have been made. I've been very ill, and maybe should have dropped out of this prompt, rather than risk taking help from someone who would have me second myself. Altho, I admit the bad rhymes were all me and made me wonder what I was thinking of of. I thank you again, my friend for your much appreciated help.:
Comment from jacquelyn popp
Thank you for sharing your poem. Great poem. Nicely written and your words flowed together so that it was an enjoyable read. Thank you for including the vide. Thankfully this is not my marriage either, but infidelity in some of my past relationships, his betrayal. Thank you for writing this poem to help raise awareness.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you for sharing your poem. Great poem. Nicely written and your words flowed together so that it was an enjoyable read. Thank you for including the vide. Thankfully this is not my marriage either, but infidelity in some of my past relationships, his betrayal. Thank you for writing this poem to help raise awareness.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Jacquelyn, I am thankful this is not about your marriage too, but unfortunately it is about too many. But thank you so much for your very kind review and words for my poem. They are so appreciated, my dear friend!
