Expect the Unexpected
Unexpected changes.50 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Well done, my friend. Exceptionally well-done. I remember another similar brand of hard-as-nail characters and a blend of romance and intrigue. You do it so well, Ric. It appears as though you are developing this as a novel or novella, rather than a one shot piece. I appreciate your experimentation in style. It was a valiant leap. I didn't detect any run-on sentences, however. I was enthralled throughout.
Jay
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Well done, my friend. Exceptionally well-done. I remember another similar brand of hard-as-nail characters and a blend of romance and intrigue. You do it so well, Ric. It appears as though you are developing this as a novel or novella, rather than a one shot piece. I appreciate your experimentation in style. It was a valiant leap. I didn't detect any run-on sentences, however. I was enthralled throughout.
Jay
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jay, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. I'm still uncomfortable going against everything I had been taught or thought I knew, but I think I like a few detailed and suspenseful sentences more than I ever thought I might. I can't thank you enough for your encouragement and reassurance, coming from such a talented wordsmith and one of my favorite writers. I appreciate YOU always!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Well. This is certainly different from your usual writes. The switch from lust to death at the beginning confused me, but the same thing at the end was a delight. kay
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Well. This is certainly different from your usual writes. The switch from lust to death at the beginning confused me, but the same thing at the end was a delight. kay
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Kate, for your generous review and kind words. Yes, in the way I wrote this is different than anything I've ever written. But I've been trying to learn from an outstanding professor named Brooks Landon who likes those long rambling sentences with lots of detail and suspense. I think I like them too, and hope you and others do as well. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is interesting and has three distinct characters. Marni didn't last too long, but it appears a storm took her life. Olivia seems to be the winner, if such there is, because Rob seems to have been poisoned. Good story. I hope there is more to it. Olivia seems capable of some dangerous activities. One missing "h": ...turn and see, (h)is leg seized...
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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This is interesting and has three distinct characters. Marni didn't last too long, but it appears a storm took her life. Olivia seems to be the winner, if such there is, because Rob seems to have been poisoned. Good story. I hope there is more to it. Olivia seems capable of some dangerous activities. One missing "h": ...turn and see, (h)is leg seized...
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Carol, for your generous review, kinds words, and the spag catch. I don't know in the world I did that, and I can't imagine that no one saw it before now. LOL. Maybe they did and just didn't want to mention it. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from prettybluebirds
I like the longer sentences myself. Short, choppy sentences always seem to throw a story off track. Your story is very well-written and has great descriptions throughout. Nice writing.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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I like the longer sentences myself. Short, choppy sentences always seem to throw a story off track. Your story is very well-written and has great descriptions throughout. Nice writing.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Prettybluebird, for taking time out to read my story, your generous review, and kind words. I'm trying to learn and change my tendency to use mostly short and choppy sentences like many of us have been taught our whole life. I'm glad you like the longer, detailed, suspenseful sentences. I do too. And they are all coming from the new mindset I'm getting from Brooks Landon, professor at the University of Iowa. Thanks again and I'm glad you liked it. Much appreciated!
Comment from GWHARGIS
Hell, experiment away. I'm not much on spy stories but this was like watching demolition derby. I never knew or could predict what was going to happen. I liked his hapless flirtation gone bad in the restaurant. I liked the demise of Marni. Very visual bur not overtly gross. I saw only one spag. There were end quotes on the line that started with He threw in a little wink ...
But overall this was great writing. Very des riptide. I enjoyed. Gretchen
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Hell, experiment away. I'm not much on spy stories but this was like watching demolition derby. I never knew or could predict what was going to happen. I liked his hapless flirtation gone bad in the restaurant. I liked the demise of Marni. Very visual bur not overtly gross. I saw only one spag. There were end quotes on the line that started with He threw in a little wink ...
But overall this was great writing. Very des riptide. I enjoyed. Gretchen
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Gretchen, for the extra special six-star review, kind words, and the spag catch. With me, you'll always find a blunder or two. LOL. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate your encouraging words, but most of all, I appreciate YOU!
Comment from country ranch writer
Revenge is sweet they sweet and Olivia's big sister was going to get her pound of flesh as payback.she made him pay dearly for his actions.he never expected the unexpected.Sunday 1/29/2023.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Revenge is sweet they sweet and Olivia's big sister was going to get her pound of flesh as payback.she made him pay dearly for his actions.he never expected the unexpected.Sunday 1/29/2023.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much for your generous review and kind words. Yes, you have to watch those women and their sisters. If one don't get you, the other one might, or will. LOL. Much appreciated!
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Smiles
Comment from Ulla
Hi Ric, I've always liked run- on sentences. I used to be pulled up, as English is not my first language. Now not so much . I find a sentence hanging in mid air can say a heck of a lot.
I liked your story as you let the poor man breath his dying breath in the middle of the street. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Hi Ric, I've always liked run- on sentences. I used to be pulled up, as English is not my first language. Now not so much . I find a sentence hanging in mid air can say a heck of a lot.
I liked your story as you let the poor man breath his dying breath in the middle of the street. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. Yes, isn't it funny how they teach us to write simple, short, choppy sentences, when in reality, our long, supposedly run-on sentences, can add so much more description and suspense with compound, complex, and compound-complex. I've been studying Building Great Sentences: Exploring the Writer's Craft with professor Brooks Landon from the University of Iowa. It's amazing how he disputes about everything I've ever learned. One of the things he says that I think you'll appreciated is "that the so called rules of grammar should really be thought of was guidelines, some of them quite loosely. LOL. I'm sure everyone won't get it, but I'm so thankful you understand. You've made my week! Maybe my month! I appreciate YOU!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I enjoyed the compelling story, but was most fascinated by you metaphor and descriptions beginning with, "the roaring winds, the force whirled from out of nowhere," and you continued the vivid description of a storm. The next impressive visual occurred with, "Olivia, bundled for the weather." We learned how she entered the restaurant, what she was wearing, and what she ordered...all within two sentences. Then, Rob was "feeling like a rolled-up newspaper-paddled pooch." I could envision how he felt. You did an all-around great job. I felt like I was at the movies.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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I enjoyed the compelling story, but was most fascinated by you metaphor and descriptions beginning with, "the roaring winds, the force whirled from out of nowhere," and you continued the vivid description of a storm. The next impressive visual occurred with, "Olivia, bundled for the weather." We learned how she entered the restaurant, what she was wearing, and what she ordered...all within two sentences. Then, Rob was "feeling like a rolled-up newspaper-paddled pooch." I could envision how he felt. You did an all-around great job. I felt like I was at the movies.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Lorraine, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. But most of all, coming from such a talented writer who can put me in every moment and other's thoughts with your descriptions, I can't think you enough for your encouragement. I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate reading your stories, your kind and considerate reviews, and most of all YOU! :-)
Comment from Mary Shifman
I think you did a good job with this. It is intense and rapid paced, just as scenes such as these should be. Pretty ruthless characters, but I guess double agents would be. After all, they do say all that about turn about being fair...
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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I think you did a good job with this. It is intense and rapid paced, just as scenes such as these should be. Pretty ruthless characters, but I guess double agents would be. After all, they do say all that about turn about being fair...
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Mary, for taking time out to read my foolishness, and for your generous review and kind words. This isn't likeable characters or content, but I just hope it entertains. Much appreciated!
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You are welcome. I don't think we would have very interesting stories if all the characters were likable.
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LOL. Isn't that the truth. :-)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this post. It flowed really well except in one area, noted below. Thank you for sharing.
Marni's black and white gingham sundress, glowing smile, candied red lips, and flawless skin Rob so wanted to feel against his own: thinking back, shocked at her pistol's cold barrel against his temple.
Weak and out of breath, Rob's inner pleas silent in the roaring winds, the force whirled from out of nowhere, sounds of a roaring train, ripping up trees, pieces of homes, cars, and bodies (This part of the story confused me, I had to read it three times to completely understand what happened. I think there needs to be a better transition.)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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I enjoyed reading this post. It flowed really well except in one area, noted below. Thank you for sharing.
Marni's black and white gingham sundress, glowing smile, candied red lips, and flawless skin Rob so wanted to feel against his own: thinking back, shocked at her pistol's cold barrel against his temple.
Weak and out of breath, Rob's inner pleas silent in the roaring winds, the force whirled from out of nowhere, sounds of a roaring train, ripping up trees, pieces of homes, cars, and bodies (This part of the story confused me, I had to read it three times to completely understand what happened. I think there needs to be a better transition.)
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
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Thanks so much, Barb, for your generous review, kind words, and suggestions. The sentences you don't like, are my favorites of the whole story. They don't really transition, they just jump from a nice picnic, to gun against his head. Then, from about to be murdered, to a tornado whisking Marni away to her death. I understand it doesn't give much explanation, as it was intended to make the reader think. And I'm sure many would rather I spelled things out. I always appreciate your reviews and comments. I appreciate YOU!
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I missed the tornado part.
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That whole long sentence is describing a tornado, with roaring winds, the force whirled from out of nowhere, sounds of a roaring train, ripping up trees, pieces of homes, cars, and bodies . . . and so on. Have a great Sunday!
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I did get the winds, etc. I just didn't associate it with a tornado.
