Expect the Unexpected
Unexpected changes.50 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
"Expect the Unexpected"
Was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar issues.
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Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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"Expect the Unexpected"
Was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, Doctor Ricky, for your generous review and kind words. I'm glad you liked it and can't thank you enough for taking time out of your busy day to read my ramblings. LOL. I appreciate you and your encouragement!
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. The images are clear. The vocabulary is varied. The pace is good. The narrative stays on point. The characters are well-developed.
I am not a fan of longer sentences. Too often they feel like a string of sentences held together with commas. Often I find that I have to read twice since it is possible to get lost in the syntax. You have managed it as well as any I have read however.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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An interesting story. The images are clear. The vocabulary is varied. The pace is good. The narrative stays on point. The characters are well-developed.
I am not a fan of longer sentences. Too often they feel like a string of sentences held together with commas. Often I find that I have to read twice since it is possible to get lost in the syntax. You have managed it as well as any I have read however.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, Dellsworthpoet, for your generous review, kind words, and comments. I'm with you on long sentences for the most part. Most of our teachings were to avoid long run-on sentences, and to keep our writing short and concise. And since Hemingway, many of us, including me, tend to write short and choppy. But studying lately with professor Brooks Landon and others, I'm trying expand and vary my sentence structure more, but I don't think I'll ever be able to use sentences like they suggest. Some are a couple hundred words. But I do think you can add lots of detail and make a sentence more suspenseful using their ideas, to a degree. I appreciate you taking time out to read and review, and I'm glad you think I managed the run-ons well. Much appreciated!
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You are welcome.
Comment from eliz100
This s an excellent story. I really enjoyed the specific descriptions they made the writing realistic. I was surprised at the ending. In describing her lipstick in the park you wrote candied red. I would have said candy red. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This s an excellent story. I really enjoyed the specific descriptions they made the writing realistic. I was surprised at the ending. In describing her lipstick in the park you wrote candied red. I would have said candy red. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, Eliz100, for your generous review, kind words, and suggestion. I actually changed that back and forth two or three times from candied red and candy red. And realistically, you're probably right that it should have just been candy red, which is a color's name. I used candied red in thinking about the sharp, shiney glazed of a candied apple. LOL. Just wanted to share my reasoning, silly as it might be. I hope you have a blessed day, and I certainly appreciate you taking time out to read my story! :-)
Comment from papa55mike
Vengeance is mine, says Olivia! That's taking a tour of downtown Manhattan with a vivid description of the deli I'd like to visit. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Vengeance is mine, says Olivia! That's taking a tour of downtown Manhattan with a vivid description of the deli I'd like to visit. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, Mike, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. It's always great when someone I enjoy reading regularly finds time to read my foolishness and likes it. LOL. A great day, and God bless you too. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from dmt1967
This is a well written story and I loved the way you told it. I found it very entertaining and I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Thank you for sharing and have a great day.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This is a well written story and I loved the way you told it. I found it very entertaining and I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Thank you for sharing and have a great day.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, DMT, for your generous review and kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate your time and encouragement. :-)
Comment from leather
I read this knowing it was an experimental entry with actual or quasi-run-on sentences. So I plowed through it, ignoring the form but looking for the essence, and found it. It was suspenseful, descriptive, and deadly.
My favorite food item was the mix of coffee and hot chocolate.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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I read this knowing it was an experimental entry with actual or quasi-run-on sentences. So I plowed through it, ignoring the form but looking for the essence, and found it. It was suspenseful, descriptive, and deadly.
My favorite food item was the mix of coffee and hot chocolate.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much, Leather, for your generous review and kind words, I'm glad you liked it. The long rambling sentences are going to take me awhile to get used to, but I like all the added information and the suspense it adds holding the punch until the end of the sentence. Most of us were taught these are run-on sentences, which they are to me, but studying professor Brooks Landon, Carl Klaus and a few others lately, have convinced me there is a place for them. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from L. Kalere
Hi Ric... spies and socialites, $300 bottles of wine and beef foot-longs, picnics and tornadoes. You've got my head spinning with this one, my ever edgy and shocking friend. You take us places we would never otherwise go, like little voyeurs, and I think that's why everyone loves you and your writing.
Your style on this one is quite different, with much more time spent on setting and "feel". While a good balance is ideal, I hope you're doing it to challenge yourself and experiment, rather than to conform (I bet you hate that word).
There are too many writers who are afraid to walk on the wild side or don't know how, yet still admire someone, such as yourself, who does it so naturally and witty.
Wherever you go with your writing, keep it raw. You're our guilty pleasure.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Hi Ric... spies and socialites, $300 bottles of wine and beef foot-longs, picnics and tornadoes. You've got my head spinning with this one, my ever edgy and shocking friend. You take us places we would never otherwise go, like little voyeurs, and I think that's why everyone loves you and your writing.
Your style on this one is quite different, with much more time spent on setting and "feel". While a good balance is ideal, I hope you're doing it to challenge yourself and experiment, rather than to conform (I bet you hate that word).
There are too many writers who are afraid to walk on the wild side or don't know how, yet still admire someone, such as yourself, who does it so naturally and witty.
Wherever you go with your writing, keep it raw. You're our guilty pleasure.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Linda, for you generous review, kind words, and always honest and encouraging comments. Yes, this story is me playing with lectures I've been studying from professor Brooks Landon, Francis Bacon, and Carl Klaus, trying to broaden content, detail, and add suspense to otherwise short and choppy sentences. Not to change or get rid of them, but to offer smooth, multiple variations and add appeal for those who don't get my straight and to the point personality. But never worry, I'm just me, a mud on my boots, half pint in my back pocket, spit in the aggressor's eye kind of guy. Raw is all I can be. From a lost street kid who never learned a noun from a verb, to bar brawler listening to others' lies, to a wannabe writer with story. I've never forgotten the first story of yours that I read, the glimpse of your hidden, deeper side, the person and personality I've waited and wanted to know more about. Sorry for the novella. I appreciate YOU!
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You've come a long way, Ric. What I might see as a colorful life, actually sounds like one full of hardships, before you found your new interest and passion. You'll always succeed in whatever you do because of your unique sense of self, and determination. FYI I've been writing a sequel to The Docks of Brooklyn (which I am also editing), and hope to have it out one of these days. Under my middle class veneer, is someone who was raised, exposed to coarse language and aggression. It always stuck with me, and I don't have much trouble bringing it up when a character needs it. I was actually surprised when I realized most of my characters are women seeking revenge. Hmm, where's the nearest psychiatrist's couch?.
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Most of my hardships could have been avoided had I not left home at fifteen, but I loved every minute of it. My whole family bred and raced thoroughbred horses, so life could have been much easier early on had I not been headstrong and afraid of missing something. Fortunately, I went from sleeping on the streets to visiting my mother on Christmas Eve, driving a new Mercedes and with a fat bank account in less than two years. Of course, the car only cost $15,000 back then, but that was in the 1970s. LOL. Now you know another part of my story. And I can hardly wait to read more of The Docks of Brooklyn and learn more about you, and what you don't share. Writing about The Carlyle Hotel and Bemelmans was easy for me, since I used to stay there sometimes two or three months at a time. We could all use a psychiatrist's couch every once in a while, if they aren't crazier than we are. But more times than not, our trials and tribulations only built character, long as we can hide the scars. Sorry, another novella. And believe or not, I'm not normally the open gabby type :-)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this intriguing story, Ric.
I enjoyed reading it. I liked the longer sentences
complete with the many details in each. Your story
had good progression and definition of characters.
You covered a lot of ground in a short amount of
time, but everything fit.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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You did a great job with this intriguing story, Ric.
I enjoyed reading it. I liked the longer sentences
complete with the many details in each. Your story
had good progression and definition of characters.
You covered a lot of ground in a short amount of
time, but everything fit.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jan, for your generous review, kind words, and encouragement. As I study from the teachings of professor Brooks Landon, Francis Bacon and Carl Klaus, I'm beginning to understand that nothing I've learned before is exactly true. Having been pushed toward short and choppy sentences of few words, I'm learning that what I've been taught, and believed to be run-on sentences, can be better described as detailed, loaded with information, and full of suspense. And Yes, I'm excited as I learn, and even more excited as talented writers like you who understand structure, like my changes. I appreciate you and your encouraging comments!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
A female Russian and and an unknown Rob. The plot thickens in the bar living it up in high New York fashion.
Story jumps from Marni holding Rob hostage, sure high tension, to Marni being impaled, probably at Rob's double-cross.
The Christmas scene so spot on.
Seems Olivia got her revenge. Goes to show one never knows who they can trust.
Strong details.
Some run-ons, but they were not distracting.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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A female Russian and and an unknown Rob. The plot thickens in the bar living it up in high New York fashion.
Story jumps from Marni holding Rob hostage, sure high tension, to Marni being impaled, probably at Rob's double-cross.
The Christmas scene so spot on.
Seems Olivia got her revenge. Goes to show one never knows who they can trust.
Strong details.
Some run-ons, but they were not distracting.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Brett, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. Yes, I'm having trouble with these long drawn out sentences myself. But I've been studying with professor Brooks Landon from the University of Iowa who says these aren't run-on sentences, yet they are to me, He claims they are detailed, suspenseful sentences that offer an abundance of subject knowledge. Whatever he thinks. But as you can see, I'm trying it. Theses sentences would never get me hired as a journalist. LOL. If Don Delillo writes like this, it's masterful style, but when I do, it's simply run-on mumbo jumbo. I appreciate you, my friend, and your always encouraging reviews and fellowship!
Comment from amahra
Very entertaining story and like always your fantastic descriptive writing made it all worth reading. Just a couple of things below:
Earl Rose's smooth jazz set the mood for a lovely evening[;] the two of them munched on fresh cashews from decanters placed throughout the bar and on tables. [these are two sentences.]
He waited [. . .] until she'd slowly raised her head, then continued. [... are used in dialogue or narrator to show an action trailing off.]
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Very entertaining story and like always your fantastic descriptive writing made it all worth reading. Just a couple of things below:
Earl Rose's smooth jazz set the mood for a lovely evening[;] the two of them munched on fresh cashews from decanters placed throughout the bar and on tables. [these are two sentences.]
He waited [. . .] until she'd slowly raised her head, then continued. [... are used in dialogue or narrator to show an action trailing off.]
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Amahra, for your extra special six-star review, kind words, and suggestions. And thanks for the explanations, so that I might remember what's needed next time. Although, it isn't likely, since I'm memory challenged. LOL. Which is funny, because a few years back I enrolled in college at 63 simply because I wondered if I could do the work, even without high school. Surprisingly, I was a 4.0 student. How? I have no idea. I couldn't even spell algebra, calculus, physics, and all those so-called smart people classes. But it didn't take me long to learn. LOL. Looking back, maybe I should have done it when I could have gotten some benefit from it. An old friend asked me the other day when I learned to write, wondering where a street kid who never went to school picked it up. I read my first book at 37, and didn't read my second until 47. I couldn't help but laugh as I said, "I didn't. I just live by the old saying, "fake it until you make it." Thanks to the streets, I did learn a few things; unfortunately, most of them weren't good. LOL. Thanks again, as always, my sweetheart of a friend! It's always a pleasure and I certainly appreciate YOU! Sorry for the novella. You just make me want to talk to you. :-)
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I started college at age 32, worked a while then went back at age 48 and earned a B.A., then age 52 for my Masters. Wasn't as smart as you...graduated with a 3.7 Um...not a bad legacy for this old bird. LOL!
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Awesome! And Congratulations! I knew you were a winner early on, and a nice winner to go with it! :-)
