Be Wee With Bea Part 3
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "In the Meantime"Third in a series is quite sad in the beginning.
11 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Very cute story. Love the characters names for kids. A couple of fine tunes:
her plotting to figure out how to solve Zoe's problem may actually workout.
(Not exercising so 'work out') Two words instead of one.
Also:
Bea remembered the exercise she'd learned called be on guard but calm.
(Confusing this way. I would go with :
Bea remembered the exercise she'd learned called "be on guard but calm."
That helps the flow)
Just my two cents. I really liked this story.
D
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
  |
Very cute story. Love the characters names for kids. A couple of fine tunes:
her plotting to figure out how to solve Zoe's problem may actually workout.
(Not exercising so 'work out') Two words instead of one.
Also:
Bea remembered the exercise she'd learned called be on guard but calm.
(Confusing this way. I would go with :
Bea remembered the exercise she'd learned called "be on guard but calm."
That helps the flow)
Just my two cents. I really liked this story.
D
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
-
Thank you for your alert involved review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Feel free to catch up on the chapters in my portfolio. No review is necessary. Just enjoy.
-
Great story! Really enjoyable.
Comment from Ricky1024
This book chapter was extremely well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great weekend.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
|
This book chapter was extremely well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great weekend.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 03-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2023
-
Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
-
***Smile***
Comment from Moonbeams Musings 55
This is a great read for 4th-6th grade students. Whimsical with a few really good messages. Interesting even for an old lady like me. I think my granddaughter would also enjoy your writing. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
|
This is a great read for 4th-6th grade students. Whimsical with a few really good messages. Interesting even for an old lady like me. I think my granddaughter would also enjoy your writing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your delightful review. I have no nominations left. I shall get you next month.
-
Thank you.
-
***smile***
Comment from Daniel Fernandes
This is awesome. I have noticed there is more parts into this story that I would have to put together. Appreciate your note to show your target audience. Helps me have an idea on the wording throughout. Thank you for sharing this and best of luck on the book.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
 |
This is awesome. I have noticed there is more parts into this story that I would have to put together. Appreciate your note to show your target audience. Helps me have an idea on the wording throughout. Thank you for sharing this and best of luck on the book.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your supportive review. I do not have any nominations left this month...I will repay you next month. If you want to, feel free to read any chapters in my portfolio. No reviews necessary....just enjoy. & thank you for the 6 shiny ones.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Liz,
I went back and read the previous chapters so I would be all caught up. I think your vocabulary is just fine. They shouldn't have too much to look up, and if they do, they can learn something new. It's not a bad thing. The other thing is to learn how to discern meaning from context. That's always a good thing to discover.
Susan :)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
|
Hi Liz,
I went back and read the previous chapters so I would be all caught up. I think your vocabulary is just fine. They shouldn't have too much to look up, and if they do, they can learn something new. It's not a bad thing. The other thing is to learn how to discern meaning from context. That's always a good thing to discover.
Susan :)
Comment Written 29-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your review that is extremely confirming. Thank you also for your extra efforts.
Comment from Jim Wile
I like these stories for their sweetness and morality, but I find them less than engaging because there is no dialog in any of them. You've used narration for the entire series of stories, but dialog would make them so much more cute and engaging. It's also fun to write dialog. You can inject humor into it.
Here is a really good article on writing dialog: How to Write Dialogue: 7 Great Tips for Writers (With Examples)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
 |
I like these stories for their sweetness and morality, but I find them less than engaging because there is no dialog in any of them. You've used narration for the entire series of stories, but dialog would make them so much more cute and engaging. It's also fun to write dialog. You can inject humor into it.
Here is a really good article on writing dialog: How to Write Dialogue: 7 Great Tips for Writers (With Examples)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2023
-
I always wonder why people think they are doing a writer a 'favor' to give a negative review, which is only a matter of perspective. Why keep reading? All of my 3 book are narrated, no dialogue, so you needn't read any more.
-
Liz, no offense was intended. I just gave an honest review in an attempt to help you improve your stories. I'm always very appreciative of reviews that point out things I can improve and that make me think seriously about my work. I may not always agree with a negative review, but they do get me to think, and more often than not, the reviewer has a good point.
We are encouraged by the site administrators to be critical in our reviews not just to give praise. When a work is pretty bad, I will just skip it, but when it is generally good but could be a little better, which is how I see your stories, then I try to give a helpful critique.
That's all I was trying to do with my comments and by referring you to a good website on writing dialog.
-
my father gave me a shameful nickel for a C on my report card. that's what I think of a 4. I do not improve by getting c's. I don't know how people do. I've written 2 other novels with dialogue, just not this series. These soon will be submitted to traditional publishers who have no problem with the lack of dialogue.
-
My answer to that would be forget about the number of stars; it's the comments that are the most valuable. There is no standard that is consistently followed on this site for giving stars and, except for a 6, they are relatively meaningless.
Maybe I should just give everyone a 5, but then again, the 4 got you to sit up and take notice and think about what I'm saying so that we are having this discussion.
Children's stories are all about relating to the children, and I think dialog, especially cute dialog, gives a unique voice to each character and makes them more relatable.
Regardless of what your publisher says, please just read the article on the website I referenced for a good perspective on dialog.
-
We can agree to disagree
Comment from country ranch writer
It is hard to be forced to be something you aren't and sometimes resentment causes grieve. One should be able to onesies self and happily help others in the meantime to be strong in calm.
Thursday1/26/2023.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
|
It is hard to be forced to be something you aren't and sometimes resentment causes grieve. One should be able to onesies self and happily help others in the meantime to be strong in calm.
Thursday1/26/2023.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your insightful review. You get it. ***Smile.***Your review gets A+...lol
Comment from lyenochka
So sweet! I'm so glad that Bea and Doolie with Willow all came to the best conclusion to provide a safe place for Zoe. It's good that Bea and Sweet Puppy could welcome Zoe and when they would visit Doolie, Zoe would visit Buddy. What a caring community!
Suggestions:
Zoe's problem may actually workout. (work out) I think you mean the verb here not the noun.
Everyone's friend, Buddy bear (comma after 'bear')
called be on guard but calm. (maybe either capitalize or put quotes around 'be on guard but calm.')
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
|
So sweet! I'm so glad that Bea and Doolie with Willow all came to the best conclusion to provide a safe place for Zoe. It's good that Bea and Sweet Puppy could welcome Zoe and when they would visit Doolie, Zoe would visit Buddy. What a caring community!
Suggestions:
Zoe's problem may actually workout. (work out) I think you mean the verb here not the noun.
Everyone's friend, Buddy bear (comma after 'bear')
called be on guard but calm. (maybe either capitalize or put quotes around 'be on guard but calm.')
Comment Written 26-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your insightful review. You get it. ***Smile.***Your review gets A+...lol
This actually was the way it panned out for Zoe til I was let go of a 30+ year job & lost my house, Sweet Puppy & I moved in with Maureen (Doolie) Zoe went to live our friend Sherrie (Buddy bear). All sadly true.
-
How would you say that Book 1 of Be Wee with Bea differs with Book 2? What do you want the readers to get out of these books the most?
-
Thank you for your ever supportive review. Each has a little different theme as my life has. The first is about dealing with just about any problem, Part 2 dealing with frustration, and the final one, learning to begin again
These are the subtitle for each on the book cover...soon to be available on Amazon.
-
Okay! Good to know. I was going to write a little blurb about Bea. Will run it by you first.
Comment from Jay Squires
I have to tell you something, Liz. At the risk of seeming mean-spirited, I have to say that your story, whether your target group is a child or an adult, your responsibility as the author is to have the reader watch the drama unfold before their eyes. I've used the metaphor before of being in a theater and watching a movie on the screen. Everyone in the audience is watching the same movie, yet each one sees him or her self in the drama on the scene. The reader is the same as a person in the audience. The difference is that medium is -- instead of a camera casting the moving picture on the screen -- the use of words, so ordered that they project THE PICTURE ON THE SCREEN OF THE READER'S MIND. To me that's so very important.
Now (and this is where it may seem hurtful, though it's intended to be anything but ...) you are not creating a drama that UNFOLDS on the screen of the reader's mind. You are TELLING them that so and so did this and this, and said this to someone else. There is no reader's feeling of blisters on hands, the smell of smoke, the taste of the honey on the palate. God, I hope that's clear, Liz. Because, if it is, you see that your work is cut out for you, and there's no shortcut to your journey.
The process, though, is relatively simple.
Take whatever you want the reader to leave with from the chapter at hand, the major point, or the chapter's theme and divide the chapter into scenes, each one as a contributor to the overall message. Then dramatize each scene so that YOU can see it on the screen of YOUR mind.
What is so awkward is that I'm saying all this. You already know the rules. You know the method. Take the scene you're most proud of in the Monks' tales in the monastery and analyze it. You'll see that it was acted out and not told. The same with the story about the two traveling girls and their Indian guide/guru. Just instill some of the magic from those two into your present story and watch it spring to life!
Don't hate me for what I've been explaining to you. I'd feel horrible if I robbed you of your confidence as a writer. You have so much to give.
Jay
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
|
I have to tell you something, Liz. At the risk of seeming mean-spirited, I have to say that your story, whether your target group is a child or an adult, your responsibility as the author is to have the reader watch the drama unfold before their eyes. I've used the metaphor before of being in a theater and watching a movie on the screen. Everyone in the audience is watching the same movie, yet each one sees him or her self in the drama on the scene. The reader is the same as a person in the audience. The difference is that medium is -- instead of a camera casting the moving picture on the screen -- the use of words, so ordered that they project THE PICTURE ON THE SCREEN OF THE READER'S MIND. To me that's so very important.
Now (and this is where it may seem hurtful, though it's intended to be anything but ...) you are not creating a drama that UNFOLDS on the screen of the reader's mind. You are TELLING them that so and so did this and this, and said this to someone else. There is no reader's feeling of blisters on hands, the smell of smoke, the taste of the honey on the palate. God, I hope that's clear, Liz. Because, if it is, you see that your work is cut out for you, and there's no shortcut to your journey.
The process, though, is relatively simple.
Take whatever you want the reader to leave with from the chapter at hand, the major point, or the chapter's theme and divide the chapter into scenes, each one as a contributor to the overall message. Then dramatize each scene so that YOU can see it on the screen of YOUR mind.
What is so awkward is that I'm saying all this. You already know the rules. You know the method. Take the scene you're most proud of in the Monks' tales in the monastery and analyze it. You'll see that it was acted out and not told. The same with the story about the two traveling girls and their Indian guide/guru. Just instill some of the magic from those two into your present story and watch it spring to life!
Don't hate me for what I've been explaining to you. I'd feel horrible if I robbed you of your confidence as a writer. You have so much to give.
Jay
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your involved review. No I do not feel offended or any harm. I know it comers with care. Unlike some people's reviews where they hand out 4's.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Please fix the funny character in the following:
Lots was going on to plan for ZoeĆ¢??s future
This passage describes the story of a bear named Bea who is helping her friend Doolie find a solution for her puppy Zoe, who has been causing trouble. Bea uses her exercise regime, which includes stepstooling and toe touching, to help her think critically and come up with a plan. She eventually suggests that Zoe move in with their mutual friend Buddy bear, who has experience helping animals with food-related anxiety. The plan is well-received, but precautions are discussed to ensure that Zoe does not react violently when feeling insecure or jealous. Overall, the passage is a fictional story with a theme of problem-solving and helping others.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
|
Please fix the funny character in the following:
Lots was going on to plan for ZoeĆ¢??s future
This passage describes the story of a bear named Bea who is helping her friend Doolie find a solution for her puppy Zoe, who has been causing trouble. Bea uses her exercise regime, which includes stepstooling and toe touching, to help her think critically and come up with a plan. She eventually suggests that Zoe move in with their mutual friend Buddy bear, who has experience helping animals with food-related anxiety. The plan is well-received, but precautions are discussed to ensure that Zoe does not react violently when feeling insecure or jealous. Overall, the passage is a fictional story with a theme of problem-solving and helping others.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for your involved review. Because this is autobiograpical, Zoe did cause Annie's need to be put down and Zoe had to live with me until I went to visit Maureen, then she stayed with our friend Sherrie.
