Greedy Parasite
Restitution never ends26 total reviews
Comment from leather
Congratulations on your first-place win. Your entry was a pleasure to read and read very quickly. It is so nice to see entries that are well-constructed and proofed. You portrayed Mr. Delray in such a way that I felt no pity for him and doubted that he would change much over his prison term.
Great job!
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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Congratulations on your first-place win. Your entry was a pleasure to read and read very quickly. It is so nice to see entries that are well-constructed and proofed. You portrayed Mr. Delray in such a way that I felt no pity for him and doubted that he would change much over his prison term.
Great job!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023
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Thank you, leather, so much for those shiny six stars! You?ve made my day.
John
Comment from Spitfire
It's easy to pick the two deadly sins that make up this story. The title even reveals them. I think Mr. Delroy got off easy with less than three years of prison. I like that you made the sum exact to the penny.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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It's easy to pick the two deadly sins that make up this story. The title even reveals them. I think Mr. Delroy got off easy with less than three years of prison. I like that you made the sum exact to the penny.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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Thank you for reading and sharing.
John
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your story, John. The theme was
well-developed. I could imagine this as I read. The court
proceedings sounded very real. Sadly, this could've been
based on a compilation of real cases where those involved
want more, more, more without having to work for any of it.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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You did a great job with your story, John. The theme was
well-developed. I could imagine this as I read. The court
proceedings sounded very real. Sadly, this could've been
based on a compilation of real cases where those involved
want more, more, more without having to work for any of it.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 22-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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Jan, thank you so much for reading and sharing. I do appreciate your time.
John
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Congratulations on your win. As a story, this does indeed deserve a six. Unfortunately, your grammar seems a bit dodgy:
My lawyer prepped me for this (and everything immediately following) is presumably prior to the trial, so should be in the past perfect. kay
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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Congratulations on your win. As a story, this does indeed deserve a six. Unfortunately, your grammar seems a bit dodgy:
My lawyer prepped me for this (and everything immediately following) is presumably prior to the trial, so should be in the past perfect. kay
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023
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Kay. I appreciate your honesty and thank you for it. I hope you continue to read my posts as I am looking to improve as a writer.
John
Comment from lyenochka
You covered two of those scary sins that plagued the world since the Fall. Corporate greed and "white collar" crimes are no less sinful. Great job in covering these in a believable sentencing. Congratulations on the win!
Suggestions:
United States vs Joseph Delroy is straight forward (straightforward)
Who knew. (question mark)
"Because it's a "white collar" ('white collar') quotes within quotes are single quotes. It's different for British English.
October 22." Hearing those ('Hearing those' should be in a new paragraph)
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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You covered two of those scary sins that plagued the world since the Fall. Corporate greed and "white collar" crimes are no less sinful. Great job in covering these in a believable sentencing. Congratulations on the win!
Suggestions:
United States vs Joseph Delroy is straight forward (straightforward)
Who knew. (question mark)
"Because it's a "white collar" ('white collar') quotes within quotes are single quotes. It's different for British English.
October 22." Hearing those ('Hearing those' should be in a new paragraph)
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much for reading and pointing out those mistakes. I do appreciate it as I do want to better myself.
The colorful congratulations are special! Thank you again.
John
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You're welcome! I'm glad your work won!
Comment from royowen
I think you did an excellent job of choosing two of these so called deadly, but I think these seven deadly sins were made up from a works calendar, all sins, major or minor in God's eyes have the same end. But beautifully written my friend, great post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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I think you did an excellent job of choosing two of these so called deadly, but I think these seven deadly sins were made up from a works calendar, all sins, major or minor in God's eyes have the same end. But beautifully written my friend, great post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Wow. Thank you,Roy, so much for the six star review. I certainly appreciate you and your time. John
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Well earned John
Comment from Regina Elliott
Dear poet, Congratulations on
your win with this very worthy
entry. An impressive flash
fiction story. It reminded me
of Bernie Madoff. He seemed
to be nonchalant about the
whole Ponzie Scheme tragedy. (not sure on the
spelling of Ponzie.) You have
done a great writing job.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Dear poet, Congratulations on
your win with this very worthy
entry. An impressive flash
fiction story. It reminded me
of Bernie Madoff. He seemed
to be nonchalant about the
whole Ponzie Scheme tragedy. (not sure on the
spelling of Ponzie.) You have
done a great writing job.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Regina, thank you for reading and commenting.
I appreciate it so much.
John
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, well he will pay his debt to society by serving a prison sentence and perhaps he will work for his money when he comes out? What happens to all these prisoners when they service their sentence, this is what I would like to know? Do they die in poverty like Oscar Wilde who did two years hard labour for being gay at a time when homosexuality was a crime, I enjoyed your fine story, you kept me entertained here and there is a moral in this story. Congrats on your contest win too, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Ha ha ha, well he will pay his debt to society by serving a prison sentence and perhaps he will work for his money when he comes out? What happens to all these prisoners when they service their sentence, this is what I would like to know? Do they die in poverty like Oscar Wilde who did two years hard labour for being gay at a time when homosexuality was a crime, I enjoyed your fine story, you kept me entertained here and there is a moral in this story. Congrats on your contest win too, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Dolly, wow! Great review. Thank you so much. I appreciate you and your time. John
Comment from Rebecca Roberts1
This was well-written and moved the reader quickly.
I felt sorry for him at first and then at the end I just didn't like his attitude.
You did well by swaying the reader to think against him.
Good job.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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This was well-written and moved the reader quickly.
I felt sorry for him at first and then at the end I just didn't like his attitude.
You did well by swaying the reader to think against him.
Good job.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Rebecca for taking the time to read and comment. I?m particularly glad you enjoyed it.
John
Comment from JT traveller
What a fantastically woven story. Well composed. The tale has good flow and energy. One could easily imagine how embezzlement begins and rolls on like a tumbleweed. I particularly liked your description of the defendants response after hearing the judges sentence. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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What a fantastically woven story. Well composed. The tale has good flow and energy. One could easily imagine how embezzlement begins and rolls on like a tumbleweed. I particularly liked your description of the defendants response after hearing the judges sentence. Best of luck.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Jacqueline. I do appreciate your stopping by to read my post. Thanks again.
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My pleasure.
