One Thousand Cranes
Viewing comments for Chapter 212 "Empty Boat Full of Dusk"Gypsy's Favorites
9 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with vivid imagery. I could feel the child within. I especially liked:
puddle
pools for jumping
(I can see it. I can hear it. I can remember doing just that.)
Good alliteration throughout the poem. This poem made me smile.
Keep the blue waters flowing. Xo. Margaret
p.s. how are you feeling? any better?
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2023
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Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with vivid imagery. I could feel the child within. I especially liked:
puddle
pools for jumping
(I can see it. I can hear it. I can remember doing just that.)
Good alliteration throughout the poem. This poem made me smile.
Keep the blue waters flowing. Xo. Margaret
p.s. how are you feeling? any better?
Comment Written 17-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2023
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Hello, Margaret, I am finally feeling better, thank God. Thank you for asking
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review my poem. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Barbara Peabody Pouliot
Beautifully written and illustrated. It makes me want to go outside and play with the simple freedom of a child. Thank you for sharing.
Good Luck
Write on
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Beautifully written and illustrated. It makes me want to go outside and play with the simple freedom of a child. Thank you for sharing.
Good Luck
Write on
Comment Written 15-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Barbara,
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
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My pleasure
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Children do enjoy playing in the rain, heck so do I. A slow soft rain on a hot day. It's fun even at my age. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I enjoyed the entire presentation.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Children do enjoy playing in the rain, heck so do I. A slow soft rain on a hot day. It's fun even at my age. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I enjoyed the entire presentation.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Barbara,
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Teri7
This is very good cinquain pair for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery. It made me think of when I would splash in the puddles walking in the rain. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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This is very good cinquain pair for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery. It made me think of when I would splash in the puddles walking in the rain. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Teri
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from lyenochka
Love the joy in your poem and how children enjoy splashing in the rain. Great us of onomatopoeia with words like "tip tap, drip drip drizzle, splosh splash" and descriptive words like "zig-zag" which is just like how kids move!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Love the joy in your poem and how children enjoy splashing in the rain. Great us of onomatopoeia with words like "tip tap, drip drip drizzle, splosh splash" and descriptive words like "zig-zag" which is just like how kids move!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Big Sister,
I remember jumping in rain puddles on my way to school when I was little. It's funny the things we remember from long ago. I remember the ice crust braking noise and the smell of rain but I can't remember recent things.. I like using onomatopoeia...the sound and flow it creates.
Love,
Marival ❤️
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I'm glad that you enter this competition because it's similar to Haiku and Tanka. It sounds like your grandson is playing in the California flood. I think Pasadena is probably Ok.
Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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I'm glad that you enter this competition because it's similar to Haiku and Tanka. It sounds like your grandson is playing in the California flood. I think Pasadena is probably Ok.
Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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I wrote this from my own memory. We do have plenty of puddles and heavy running rain water in streets but nothing serious.
Lisa
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from kahpot
Yes, I remember having all that energy and fun many years ago, love the alliteration throughout this wonderful Cinquain, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Yes, I remember having all that energy and fun many years ago, love the alliteration throughout this wonderful Cinquain, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from AP Apgar
I like your Cinquain poem - Excellent picture review - like these kind of pictures always heartwarming and full of memories - good word count - looks it would be difficult to do - good flow - an abundance of metaphors -to guide the reader down the wet zig zag path to school. Good Job AP.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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I like your Cinquain poem - Excellent picture review - like these kind of pictures always heartwarming and full of memories - good word count - looks it would be difficult to do - good flow - an abundance of metaphors -to guide the reader down the wet zig zag path to school. Good Job AP.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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AP
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Karyn2
Hi Gypsy! I just love all the alliteration and onomatopoeia in this one! I can hear the child jumping and splashing and sloshing away. Most enjoyable to read and enjoyable for this playful child. I wondered in the first stanza you use 6 lines instead of the 5? From a poetic perspective I love how it is structured 2,4,6,8,8,2 but wasn't sure what the contest parameters might be for this?
Love it either way!
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Hi Gypsy! I just love all the alliteration and onomatopoeia in this one! I can hear the child jumping and splashing and sloshing away. Most enjoyable to read and enjoyable for this playful child. I wondered in the first stanza you use 6 lines instead of the 5? From a poetic perspective I love how it is structured 2,4,6,8,8,2 but wasn't sure what the contest parameters might be for this?
Love it either way!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Karyn,
For a Cinquain poem, you use the title as a sixth line. It has to relate to the rest 5 lines. I have the rules in my author notes.
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
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Thank you for clarifying! I need to go and take a closer look to understand this style more. I can see it lends itself to such wonderful description to create a moment in time. I?ll have to give it a go one day. I?ll study a few more of yours first before I dare! So the title forms part of the poem itself? It?s a lovely style of poetry.
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Yes, the title is part of the poem
