The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life, ch 37"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
6 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
Good chapter. I'm glad you are giving Ohmie some romance. So his dad was an Ohmie, too. I'm not sure how far you are taking the political angle, but am curious to see what you do with it. So far it seems a little vague.
Sue
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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Wayne,
Good chapter. I'm glad you are giving Ohmie some romance. So his dad was an Ohmie, too. I'm not sure how far you are taking the political angle, but am curious to see what you do with it. So far it seems a little vague.
Sue
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2023
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The natural direction of the story is something I have no interest in writing - well, maybe I do; but I recognize that it is not healthy. The several thousand words I've written that better suit a sequel than a continuation will just have to stay where they are. The next chapter ends this story.
Tank you for your review.
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:-)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Capitalize Nurse May in last sentence of first paragraph.
I love the paragraph that begins, "Somewhere a whole bunch of jocks . . ." Priceless!
The sentence, "He didn't say it, but I think he would do it the same way as I was." What is that referring to? Is it saying no to happy pills? If so, I would put that sentence after happy pills. I'm a little confused as to what it refers to.
It sounds like this story is doing anything BUT winding down. The plot seems to thicken!
Thanks for another good read, Wayne.
Pam
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Capitalize Nurse May in last sentence of first paragraph.
I love the paragraph that begins, "Somewhere a whole bunch of jocks . . ." Priceless!
The sentence, "He didn't say it, but I think he would do it the same way as I was." What is that referring to? Is it saying no to happy pills? If so, I would put that sentence after happy pills. I'm a little confused as to what it refers to.
It sounds like this story is doing anything BUT winding down. The plot seems to thicken!
Thanks for another good read, Wayne.
Pam
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thank you for your great review.
I'll fix it, but what Ohmie was saying was that the Dr agreed to end treatments.
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Got it!
Comment from Wendy G
I'm getting a bit confused now, two Mays, Grandpa involved, and not in a good way ( a saboteur?), Dad's boss is with the Pledged, the Baddies? Am I keeping it all straight? Sorry, I'm a fairly simple person, and your brain is about three times the size of mine! Lol.
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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I'm getting a bit confused now, two Mays, Grandpa involved, and not in a good way ( a saboteur?), Dad's boss is with the Pledged, the Baddies? Am I keeping it all straight? Sorry, I'm a fairly simple person, and your brain is about three times the size of mine! Lol.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Yes, you got it.
The two Mays might have been overdoing it a bit.
I just could have an Ohmie fall for anyone not named May.
Thank you for the review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was good once again. I still keep missing bits somehow, so I'm reading as individual episodes now somewhat. As you will see below, I had a few problems with this one - I trust you to fix the real issues (rather than thoses that reflect the fact I'm missing bits) Kate xx
Bad bed or bad day (sorry, I'm in a silly mood this morning. Please forgive me/bear with me).
His head nod to Dad > Paul's head nod to Dad
his supervisor > specify HERE that it's Dad's - it's getting confusing
by-the-way for the illiterate out there > is it useful to be so rude to the readers?
Nurse may > Nurse May
The intro to 2 Mays is a bit muddled - maybe tighten up.
My sister told me about you and I begged her to let me meet you. That you are genius and cute. > My older sister told me about you, that you are both a genius and cute. I begged her to let me meet you. .
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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This was good once again. I still keep missing bits somehow, so I'm reading as individual episodes now somewhat. As you will see below, I had a few problems with this one - I trust you to fix the real issues (rather than thoses that reflect the fact I'm missing bits) Kate xx
Bad bed or bad day (sorry, I'm in a silly mood this morning. Please forgive me/bear with me).
His head nod to Dad > Paul's head nod to Dad
his supervisor > specify HERE that it's Dad's - it's getting confusing
by-the-way for the illiterate out there > is it useful to be so rude to the readers?
Nurse may > Nurse May
The intro to 2 Mays is a bit muddled - maybe tighten up.
My sister told me about you and I begged her to let me meet you. That you are genius and cute. > My older sister told me about you, that you are both a genius and cute. I begged her to let me meet you. .
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thank you for the very helpful improvements.
My thinking was that BTW was so common that there would be no one 'illiterate' and Ohmie was just being silly. But you are right. I fix it.
Thanks again.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is well-written and a pleasure to read. I'm so glad there is a younger May just for Ohmie to practice being a teen in his too short life. You have written a wonderful book here that would be a great young adult book. Thank you for the join of meeting Ohmie.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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This is well-written and a pleasure to read. I'm so glad there is a younger May just for Ohmie to practice being a teen in his too short life. You have written a wonderful book here that would be a great young adult book. Thank you for the join of meeting Ohmie.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thank you for a very nice review.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Interesting story. I don't recall reading any of this before now. It is very well written, and the dialogue is perfect. I will try to keep tabs on this one and find out where you are going with it.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Interesting story. I don't recall reading any of this before now. It is very well written, and the dialogue is perfect. I will try to keep tabs on this one and find out where you are going with it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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It's drawing to a close, sorry to say.
I had thoughts of another 20-30,000 more words, but the position I would have Ohmie taking is too controversial in our polarized nation.
Thank you for your review.
