Lingering Devotion Part-3
Ric learns of Lori's impending wedding.31 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Unfortunately (for me) I did not previously read parts 1or 2.
Part 3 read like a story all on its own. Small amounts of backstory were enough to understand the gist of the story and to continue reading without being lost.
Well written. I'm glad I caught it.
Cheers. John
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Unfortunately (for me) I did not previously read parts 1or 2.
Part 3 read like a story all on its own. Small amounts of backstory were enough to understand the gist of the story and to continue reading without being lost.
Well written. I'm glad I caught it.
Cheers. John
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thanks, John, for reading the last two part. It's designed so that each chapter builds off the one before it, but I'm glad you were able to pick up enough that it might sense to you. I'm glad you liked it, and I certainly appreciate your kind and generous reviews!
Comment from Spitfire
Words of wisdom in the four lines that ends this section. It seems Ric is paying for a wild life he claims is not really him. As for Lori, she may marry in haste and repent at leisure as the saying goes.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Words of wisdom in the four lines that ends this section. It seems Ric is paying for a wild life he claims is not really him. As for Lori, she may marry in haste and repent at leisure as the saying goes.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Spitfire, for you words of wisdom that are right on target. Chapter-4 is already posted and paying well, and I think you'll find it much more entertaining than Chapter-3. I sure appreciate your kind words and generous review.
Comment from jenintorre
Hi Ric. I enjoyed reading part 3 and can't wait to read the next one. I am surprised that Lori agreed to marry Brian as he sounds to me like a little shit. One thing - ' Our knees went weak' I think it should be my knees'. I am intrigued to know why you called your character Ric.
Take care. Love Jen.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Hi Ric. I enjoyed reading part 3 and can't wait to read the next one. I am surprised that Lori agreed to marry Brian as he sounds to me like a little shit. One thing - ' Our knees went weak' I think it should be my knees'. I am intrigued to know why you called your character Ric.
Take care. Love Jen.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jen, for your extra special six-star review, kind words, and the catch on knees. I'm surprised more people didn't question why I called the main character Ric, which is off the wall. But most haven't. My reasoning is making him a character they already know. LOL. Yes, I'm nuts. I can't thank you enough for your encouragement and continuous support, my friend. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Jay Squires
Ric and Lori are each just a little bit late with their decisions, aren't they. Wow. Ric's vulnerability really showed in this chapter. But despite the chapter's ending, there's hope in the next one.
Here are a few notes I took as I read. Nothing major.
Playful and flirty, I often come across more elusive than I am. [This is not wrong, but that sentence order works better in narrative than in dialogue. I just can't see your character saying that. I imagine him saying something like, "Hell, I was playful and flirty and I often come across more elusive than I am."]
The woman from next door with Lori, [I'm sorry, I don't understand what that means.]
And the instant our eyes met, our knees went weak [Can Ric say what happened to Lori's knees?]
David was seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation. [Did you leave out a word or two here?]
Like I said, nothing major, but I wanted to point them out. Now to read the next chapter. Good job, Ric.
Jay
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Ric and Lori are each just a little bit late with their decisions, aren't they. Wow. Ric's vulnerability really showed in this chapter. But despite the chapter's ending, there's hope in the next one.
Here are a few notes I took as I read. Nothing major.
Playful and flirty, I often come across more elusive than I am. [This is not wrong, but that sentence order works better in narrative than in dialogue. I just can't see your character saying that. I imagine him saying something like, "Hell, I was playful and flirty and I often come across more elusive than I am."]
The woman from next door with Lori, [I'm sorry, I don't understand what that means.]
And the instant our eyes met, our knees went weak [Can Ric say what happened to Lori's knees?]
David was seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation. [Did you leave out a word or two here?]
Like I said, nothing major, but I wanted to point them out. Now to read the next chapter. Good job, Ric.
Jay
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jay, for your generous review, comments, and suggestions. I can only write how things pour across my pea brain, so it's great to see how they read to someone else and get the opportunity to tighten them up a bit. I would have said the playful and flirty line just that way, but in rethinking according to your example, and not wanting to copy yours, I rewrote it "I guess my playful flirtiness makes me come across more elusive than I am." Hope you like that better. I also changed "The woman from next door with Lori . . " to "The woman who had been outside nextdoor with Lori . . .." As for "And the instant our eyes met, our knees' went weak and almost wilted," I do think Ric can say what happened to Lori's knees if he's watching her and isn't blind. LOL. What words do you think that I might have left out of "David was seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation?" I thought it said what I meant it to, but your suggestions are greatly appreciated any time! Much appreciated, Jay!
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"I guess my playful flirtiness makes me come across more elusive than I am." [Much, much better!]
As to, "David was seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation," I think it's a transitional word that's missing, if I understand the sentence's intent, like a "since", "that", "over how", or "because" after "seething". It might be a regional thing, I don't know.
Your flow is so engaging and conversational normally that I'm reluctant to suggest change. I can only respond to how something sounds in my own ear as I read it aloud.
Anyway, Ric, I hope that helps. And yours is not a pea-brain by any stretch of the imagination.
Jay
Comment from L. Kalere
Aha, now it's beginning to make more sense. She chose the sure-thing instead of some guy who said he was crazy about her. Go figure. I like the direction the story is going, except that once again Ric didn't go cave-man. They both just keep over-thinking things, and second guessing each other..so typical in real life. But, I'm guessing they'll find each other in the end and get some resolution. Please don't make this a Romeo and Juliet ending. I'm not sure I could take it.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Aha, now it's beginning to make more sense. She chose the sure-thing instead of some guy who said he was crazy about her. Go figure. I like the direction the story is going, except that once again Ric didn't go cave-man. They both just keep over-thinking things, and second guessing each other..so typical in real life. But, I'm guessing they'll find each other in the end and get some resolution. Please don't make this a Romeo and Juliet ending. I'm not sure I could take it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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I should have read this review before number two, so I wouldn't have repeated exactly what your first two sentences in this one say. Overthinking and second guessing, people in general. As you've found out by now, I didn't make this a Romeo and Juliet heartbreaker or a happily-ever-after. I hope you liked where I took it, or left it. Thanks for another outstanding review. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Shirley McLain
I think I read the chapters out of order. This chapter is also good. I enjoyed the read, but not as much, since I now know the ending. Take care, my friend. Shirley
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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I think I read the chapters out of order. This chapter is also good. I enjoyed the read, but not as much, since I now know the ending. Take care, my friend. Shirley
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Yes, Shirley, my dear, once you've read the ending, the lead-to part doesn't seem too important. LOL. Thank you so much for your extra special six-star review and kind words. And thanks even more for going back and reading it later. LOL. I appreciate YOU, as always!
Comment from Susan Newell
Ric,
Excellent dialogue and emotional expressions. I've seen similar plots work their way into real life. Your poem at the end is exceptional, and says it all. A few proofing notes follow.
Sue
I wondered off, and about a half-mile -- typo ==> wandered
fuel a fervor for food. -- nice alliteration and word choice
I'm sort of in unchartered waters. --typo ==> uncharted
Then, David set-out to meet friends in Birmingham, AL, seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation. -- no need for hyphen for "set out"; Do you mean "seeing Ric had run off"?
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Ric,
Excellent dialogue and emotional expressions. I've seen similar plots work their way into real life. Your poem at the end is exceptional, and says it all. A few proofing notes follow.
Sue
I wondered off, and about a half-mile -- typo ==> wandered
fuel a fervor for food. -- nice alliteration and word choice
I'm sort of in unchartered waters. --typo ==> uncharted
Then, David set-out to meet friends in Birmingham, AL, seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation. -- no need for hyphen for "set out"; Do you mean "seeing Ric had run off"?
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Susan, for your generous review, kinds words, and suggested corrections on my silly mistakes. I did mean "Seething" not "seeing," but thanks to you pointing it out, I need to put seething with David to make the line easier to read and understand. So, I'm changing the sentence to read: David was seething Ric had run off and ruined their vacation. So, he set out to meet friends in Birmingham, AL. Much appreciated, as always!
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You are very welcome. Thanks for the clarification.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Whoa!
Ric left Sam with the intention of finding Lori and making his case, try to win her over.
Then, without even trying, Ric gets on a plane and skips?
Hmmmm. I would expect he had her phone number and would at least leave a hang-up call.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Whoa!
Ric left Sam with the intention of finding Lori and making his case, try to win her over.
Then, without even trying, Ric gets on a plane and skips?
Hmmmm. I would expect he had her phone number and would at least leave a hang-up call.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Unfortunately, this was supposed to have taken place in times before the cell phone, as is explained in one of the first two chapter. LOL. Thank you so much, Wayne, for your comments, generous review, and best wishes. I always appreciate your reviews!
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I don't remember whether I read the early posts, or not. But that is a problem with serial stories.
Comment from damommy
What an idiot! Running away is surely the way to lose Lori for good. One good thing, she got rid of the awful Brian! Why did Sam badmouth Ric and then turn around and sent him to look for Lori?
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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What an idiot! Running away is surely the way to lose Lori for good. One good thing, she got rid of the awful Brian! Why did Sam badmouth Ric and then turn around and sent him to look for Lori?
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Sam was just mad at Ric for running off when he had given his permission for Ric oo pursue his engaged daughter. But as you noticed, he wasn't mad enough to stand in the way when Ric came to find her. LOL. Thank you so much for your generous review and comments. They are greatly appreciate!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
That opening paragraph - damn! I'm right there on the beach with you:-)
Well, I thought it was too good to be true when Sam told Ric to find Lori and tell her how he felt. Sadly, most of us choose to remain silent in these situations because we fear rejection and humiliation. The good news for Lori is that she didn't enter a marriage she would end up regretting.
Ric, this was very well expressed and I lost myself in the words. I'll let it "settle" before I read what happens next.
I hate to spoil the moment, but here are a couple of boo-boos, lol! You can take them or leave them:-)
Oh, and "Pandora's", really? The box is about to be opened?
End of paragraph that begins, "Oh yes, of course, you were all . . . Close quotes after "doing".
I "wandered" off, even though you're probably "wondering", lol!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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That opening paragraph - damn! I'm right there on the beach with you:-)
Well, I thought it was too good to be true when Sam told Ric to find Lori and tell her how he felt. Sadly, most of us choose to remain silent in these situations because we fear rejection and humiliation. The good news for Lori is that she didn't enter a marriage she would end up regretting.
Ric, this was very well expressed and I lost myself in the words. I'll let it "settle" before I read what happens next.
I hate to spoil the moment, but here are a couple of boo-boos, lol! You can take them or leave them:-)
Oh, and "Pandora's", really? The box is about to be opened?
End of paragraph that begins, "Oh yes, of course, you were all . . . Close quotes after "doing".
I "wandered" off, even though you're probably "wondering", lol!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Pam, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. Thanks for pointing out my boo-boos, and I'm surprised you didn't find more since I whipped these out in record time, and as you know, I'm not an edit and polish kind of guy. I just like to get right in the middle of things and get it all over me. LOL. It's always a pleasure to read your posts and get your reviews, suggestions especially. :-) I appreciate YOU!
