The Last Time I Saw Charlie
Contest Entry2 total reviews
Comment from Helena Cheu
I like how for the ending you repeat "the last time I saw Charlie." It's an excellent use of parallelism!
I'm not really convinced that I'm feeling her anger. I know a good short story is straight to the point, but I think this piece could really benefit from some setting-building and some character-building. It feels a bit static and rushed as it stands.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
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I like how for the ending you repeat "the last time I saw Charlie." It's an excellent use of parallelism!
I'm not really convinced that I'm feeling her anger. I know a good short story is straight to the point, but I think this piece could really benefit from some setting-building and some character-building. It feels a bit static and rushed as it stands.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
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Thank you for the good advice! I appreciate your helpful comments.
Comment from RodG
I enjoyed reading about Charlie and Anna and how a lost romance was rekindled. You use dialog very well to introduce and propel the conflict while also providing backstory. Since there is no word limit, May I suggest adding more descriptive details about both characters that would enable us to SEE them? Rod
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
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I enjoyed reading about Charlie and Anna and how a lost romance was rekindled. You use dialog very well to introduce and propel the conflict while also providing backstory. Since there is no word limit, May I suggest adding more descriptive details about both characters that would enable us to SEE them? Rod
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Rod! Good advice - I'll take it to heart.
