Lords Of The Glen
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "A Glimmer Of Hope"A A new threat arises to the north.
3 total reviews
Comment from Dr. Von
You have written another action-packed chapter. I like the progress of your story. I entrance of the three men gave a sign of hope and introduced a connection between the characters. Very nice job developing the storyline. I liked this chapter.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
  |
You have written another action-packed chapter. I like the progress of your story. I entrance of the three men gave a sign of hope and introduced a connection between the characters. Very nice job developing the storyline. I liked this chapter.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
-
Thank you Sir! We ae getting close to the end of this first book in the series.
-
You are welcome,
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a pretty tight chapter with plenty of action. I thought the names were particularly interesting, although I kept thinking "Tubby" was a little bit too retro for the style of the other names.
Little fixes might include the following:
"Is there anything else that we should know my king?"
I would say put a comma after the word 'know' in that question.
"That hardly seems likely father,"
You want to add a comma and capitalize Father in this case, since he is addressing his own father by his title/name. So: "That hardly seems likely, Father,"
Same goes for this sentence:
"I'll help him in any way that I can father, out of respect for you,"
So:
"I'll help him in any way that I can, Father, out of respect for you,"
two large open windows
add a comma after the word large
same goes for 'large wooden table'
put a comma after large
How interesting that there is a ranking among kings. A hero-king seems to suit Classius well.
The twenty-five-foot youngling, known as Nephrum the Black by his own kind, swept in on the two lords and unleased a blast of black steaming acid directly upon them.
This is an example of where there often are multiple adjectives in a list/series. I would change 'unleased' to 'unleashed' and add a comma after 'black' in that sentence. It's definitely a good sentence, though.
A fat, particularly bloated yorg, and a few of his minions were burning in a large fire.
This is an example where you did not need a comma after 'yorg.'
The goblins were caught by surprise and confusion quickly ensued in the darkness.
You can add a comma correctly after the word surprise, because there are two independent clauses there.
the king figured that the fires may mess up the creature's own night vision
I think I would change 'may' to 'might' in this case.
I kept thinking I was seeing the suggestion of Christian connections with Castle Gilead, for example.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
|
This is a pretty tight chapter with plenty of action. I thought the names were particularly interesting, although I kept thinking "Tubby" was a little bit too retro for the style of the other names.
Little fixes might include the following:
"Is there anything else that we should know my king?"
I would say put a comma after the word 'know' in that question.
"That hardly seems likely father,"
You want to add a comma and capitalize Father in this case, since he is addressing his own father by his title/name. So: "That hardly seems likely, Father,"
Same goes for this sentence:
"I'll help him in any way that I can father, out of respect for you,"
So:
"I'll help him in any way that I can, Father, out of respect for you,"
two large open windows
add a comma after the word large
same goes for 'large wooden table'
put a comma after large
How interesting that there is a ranking among kings. A hero-king seems to suit Classius well.
The twenty-five-foot youngling, known as Nephrum the Black by his own kind, swept in on the two lords and unleased a blast of black steaming acid directly upon them.
This is an example of where there often are multiple adjectives in a list/series. I would change 'unleased' to 'unleashed' and add a comma after 'black' in that sentence. It's definitely a good sentence, though.
A fat, particularly bloated yorg, and a few of his minions were burning in a large fire.
This is an example where you did not need a comma after 'yorg.'
The goblins were caught by surprise and confusion quickly ensued in the darkness.
You can add a comma correctly after the word surprise, because there are two independent clauses there.
the king figured that the fires may mess up the creature's own night vision
I think I would change 'may' to 'might' in this case.
I kept thinking I was seeing the suggestion of Christian connections with Castle Gilead, for example.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
-
Thank you! Sorry got tied up over the holidays!
Comment from lancellot
Interesting, the search for distant allies to offer aid at the last minute and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. A possibility of hope at least. The enemy numbers seem endless and their dragons terrible. But dragons are living beast. They eat, drink and sleep. Even formidable, they seem too much. Do you feel things are too lop-sided?
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
|
Interesting, the search for distant allies to offer aid at the last minute and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. A possibility of hope at least. The enemy numbers seem endless and their dragons terrible. But dragons are living beast. They eat, drink and sleep. Even formidable, they seem too much. Do you feel things are too lop-sided?
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
-
I liken it to the Infinity Wars or the Star Wars number 1 (in correct order). I wanted book one to be dire and have the Glen pushed to the brink. Book two is about the quests north with some fighting. Then again all hope is lost in Book three?until it isn?t. You think it?s too dark? Throw me some honesty. That?s why I like you so much.
-
I think in most wars there are wins and losses. One of the biggest issues I see, is the seemingly endless amount of Goblins, their supplies and armory.
Take GOT for example. Dragons are powerful, but they are living beings fighting thinking living beings. Both have weaknesses, and in war, those will be found and exploited. These two dragons have going on far too long without a loss or serious injury. They have wings, they have eyes, they can be poisoned, they should be able to be hurt. They are serious threat on the chess board. Why that isn't a top priority is amazing.
I think you may go too far with all hope being lost, that when the tables finally turn, readers will cry foul.
-
Sorry I didn?t respond. Holidays and two birthdays mixed in have stolen my time. This is great advice and I plan to revisit these issues after I get the last three carpenters into FS. Interestingly this series was the ;?D&D campaign they my friends and I played at 12 to 15. The dragons did reek havoc on everything and failed to die until the characters reached higher levels. Plus the black magician continuously healed the flying beasts. I think I need to add some stuff to the story that I already know in my head. Thank you so much my friend. This is extremely helpful.
