The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
8 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is the very ill Omnie story, I see. I've missed some. It is rather sad to see someone so young accept the immediacy of his own death. Omnie is determined not to let one of his parents pre-decease him, it seems.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
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This is the very ill Omnie story, I see. I've missed some. It is rather sad to see someone so young accept the immediacy of his own death. Omnie is determined not to let one of his parents pre-decease him, it seems.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Whoa! Ohmie has become quite the tough cookie, with talk of "putting bullets in" Dortch! He's become an unusual thirteen-year-old due to his circumstances.
Uh, oh! Ohmie has stepped out for the cops and now has revealed himself and become vulnerable. I don't like the way this is going.
You've done a good job of walking us through the action, Wayne. Dortch has come prepared this time and I'm betting there's finally a showdown coming.
See you next time!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Whoa! Ohmie has become quite the tough cookie, with talk of "putting bullets in" Dortch! He's become an unusual thirteen-year-old due to his circumstances.
Uh, oh! Ohmie has stepped out for the cops and now has revealed himself and become vulnerable. I don't like the way this is going.
You've done a good job of walking us through the action, Wayne. Dortch has come prepared this time and I'm betting there's finally a showdown coming.
See you next time!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2022
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Thank you. And stay tuned.
(smiley face here)
Comment from lyenochka
I guess Ohmie finds his terminal cancer a strength in this case as he can take more risks than most people. But I think he's right that his parents aren't happy with his decision to serve as bait.
Fortunately, the cops spotlight saw me, (cop's or cops')
Suggestion for this one-sided dialogue with 911:
"Hello?"
"No Ma'am. It's a false alarm. Our power is off is all."
"No, Ma'am. I'm home alone. My folks are out, but they'll be back soon. I just got scared is all."
"Yes, Ma'am, I opened the garage door for my parents."
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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I guess Ohmie finds his terminal cancer a strength in this case as he can take more risks than most people. But I think he's right that his parents aren't happy with his decision to serve as bait.
Fortunately, the cops spotlight saw me, (cop's or cops')
Suggestion for this one-sided dialogue with 911:
"Hello?"
"No Ma'am. It's a false alarm. Our power is off is all."
"No, Ma'am. I'm home alone. My folks are out, but they'll be back soon. I just got scared is all."
"Yes, Ma'am, I opened the garage door for my parents."
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Super review! Thank you for the helps.
Comment from Dr. Nad
I just arrived at this chapter, never having heard of the book or read any previous chapters. I found it somewhat confusing and quite busy. There were a number of characters that were mentioned, but not developed, and I know that's the downside of not having the whole book, but just extrapolating from one chapter. There are several edits that would improve the reading, clarity and flow. I will mention only one.
" Aren't they who gave them to you?"
The plot wasn't all evident to me and I got bogged down in what felt like repetition of minutia.
Please don't hate me.
Know two things.
1. One man's opinion is just that, one man's opinion.
2. This is not my genre and therefore, less Intriguing for me
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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I just arrived at this chapter, never having heard of the book or read any previous chapters. I found it somewhat confusing and quite busy. There were a number of characters that were mentioned, but not developed, and I know that's the downside of not having the whole book, but just extrapolating from one chapter. There are several edits that would improve the reading, clarity and flow. I will mention only one.
" Aren't they who gave them to you?"
The plot wasn't all evident to me and I got bogged down in what felt like repetition of minutia.
Please don't hate me.
Know two things.
1. One man's opinion is just that, one man's opinion.
2. This is not my genre and therefore, less Intriguing for me
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thank you for the look.
Chapter 1 would explain it all.
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For the last year and a half to two years, I have been very inconsistent with my appearance on FanStory. It doesn't diminish my appreciation for this tribe, but I have had a number of tasks that have kept me extremely busy. You are most welcome for the review. I appreciate the joy I had reading and reviewing their work.
Comment from Kaiku
Lot of stuff going on. Guess I need to catch up with this 13 year old detective type youth. I would think there might be more than one 911 call having been made unless there are no neighbors. I'll stay tuned.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Lot of stuff going on. Guess I need to catch up with this 13 year old detective type youth. I would think there might be more than one 911 call having been made unless there are no neighbors. I'll stay tuned.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Just chapter 1 would give you a pretty good picture.
Thank you for the review.
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I will take a look. Thanks.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
And so the plot thickens. Am I noticing a slight deterioration in Ohmie's story-telling skills as he continues to get sicker? A little more confusion?
Sue
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Wayne,
And so the plot thickens. Am I noticing a slight deterioration in Ohmie's story-telling skills as he continues to get sicker? A little more confusion?
Sue
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Hmmmm. Maybe. I'll have to look at it with a critical eye. Was the house scene with the doors a little rushed?
Thank you for the review.
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I don't think so. But Ohmie seemed more indecisive and more wandering in his thoughts. Maybe it's just me. But it works for a "tiring" Ohmie.
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Thank you.
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:-)
Comment from Wendy G
What an exciting but scary chapter as we head towards the climax. Perhaps Ohmie will end up being the hero and receive accolades at the highest level. Well written. A fine read.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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What an exciting but scary chapter as we head towards the climax. Perhaps Ohmie will end up being the hero and receive accolades at the highest level. Well written. A fine read.
Wendy
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thank you.
You might be half right.
(smiley face here)
Comment from Ricky1024
This was another Grand Chapter on Omies life and adventures.
Rich on Theme and Imagery, it also read well and flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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This was another Grand Chapter on Omies life and adventures.
Rich on Theme and Imagery, it also read well and flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2022
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Thank you.
