Lords Of The Glen
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "A Goblin Killed Me?"A A new threat arises to the north.
4 total reviews
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
An enjoyable chapter but perhaps could be a little shorter with more emphasis on 'show don't tell.' There are also places where you could drop the pronouns, such as:
"..Frontier Road, which knocked the wind out of him." Might be better as "...Frontier Road, knocking the wind out of him."
But keep going, this is a good fantasy that I look forward to continuing.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2022
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An enjoyable chapter but perhaps could be a little shorter with more emphasis on 'show don't tell.' There are also places where you could drop the pronouns, such as:
"..Frontier Road, which knocked the wind out of him." Might be better as "...Frontier Road, knocking the wind out of him."
But keep going, this is a good fantasy that I look forward to continuing.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2022
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Thanks you my friend. A few FS reviewers said this was to telly. ALso I adjusted that sentence that you recommended Thanks!
Comment from Dr. Von
The storyline is well-written and sustains the action. With so much activity to describe it can be challenging to draw a tight cord without using connecting phrases that are similar. You are flowing the events very well. Good job.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2022
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The storyline is well-written and sustains the action. With so much activity to describe it can be challenging to draw a tight cord without using connecting phrases that are similar. You are flowing the events very well. Good job.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2022
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Thank you. I appreciate your friendship and you sticking with the story! God bless!
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You are welcome. It is a pleasure, my friend.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again this is action packed. I guess it's not good if a dragon gets bored. LOL
Black Eyes seemed content to fortify the hard-fought buildings that they had captured a & He felt that the Yule Riders should never have retreated from the Upper Glen. (you can omit 'that' in both sentences. Keep an eye on the use of 'that'.)
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Once again this is action packed. I guess it's not good if a dragon gets bored. LOL
Black Eyes seemed content to fortify the hard-fought buildings that they had captured a & He felt that the Yule Riders should never have retreated from the Upper Glen. (you can omit 'that' in both sentences. Keep an eye on the use of 'that'.)
Comment Written 20-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2022
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Thank you! I fell behind because of the holidays but will get back on track. I appreciate you Barbara!
Comment from Ricky1024
It's interesting how you turn to dragon against the dwarves and goblins in the very first section of this.
And even with all the previous destructions of our Noble fighters I see in the second section you still have plenty left to defend the Royal crown.
Well written as always and thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2022
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It's interesting how you turn to dragon against the dwarves and goblins in the very first section of this.
And even with all the previous destructions of our Noble fighters I see in the second section you still have plenty left to defend the Royal crown.
Well written as always and thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 20-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2022
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Thank you Sir!
