Lords Of The Glen
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "The King Is Dead"A A new threat arises to the north.
3 total reviews
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
This is an impressively long chapter. Very brave of you because FS readers seem to struggle with anything over 1000 words. That is my experience anyway.
My problem with this in reading it is that I did not get a sense of fantasy from it though the narrative was reminiscent of the Hobbit. Some of the early battle scenes need a bit more meat on the bone. Some bits could be dropped eg
"A muscle strewn yorg rushed in, smashing one of the dwarves with a huge iron headed mallet. It had a wooden handle that was as long as the dwarf that it had just bashed." The second sentence is unnecessary as you have already said the mallet was huge. Comparing it to a dwarf seems confusing. I think muscle-strewn and iron-headed could be hyphenated.
Overuse of the word 'smashed' and similar words also detracts from the fantasy element.
This is only my opinion, and this is still a 5 star piece of work.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2022
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This is an impressively long chapter. Very brave of you because FS readers seem to struggle with anything over 1000 words. That is my experience anyway.
My problem with this in reading it is that I did not get a sense of fantasy from it though the narrative was reminiscent of the Hobbit. Some of the early battle scenes need a bit more meat on the bone. Some bits could be dropped eg
"A muscle strewn yorg rushed in, smashing one of the dwarves with a huge iron headed mallet. It had a wooden handle that was as long as the dwarf that it had just bashed." The second sentence is unnecessary as you have already said the mallet was huge. Comparing it to a dwarf seems confusing. I think muscle-strewn and iron-headed could be hyphenated.
Overuse of the word 'smashed' and similar words also detracts from the fantasy element.
This is only my opinion, and this is still a 5 star piece of work.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2022
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Editors want 2,000 to 5,000 words per chapter. Doesn't match up to 1,000 word pieces that FS readers want. Thanks for the assist. You are awesome!
Also I understand you not digging this story. Its not playing well with the older crowd on FS. My demographic target was 16 to 24 years old where it seems to be doing extremely well.
God Bless!
Comment from prettybluebirds
I keep waiting for this story to change for the better. It is depressing to see the goblins still winning. Your story is nicely written, it is just that I hate to see the wrong guys losing the battle.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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I keep waiting for this story to change for the better. It is depressing to see the goblins still winning. Your story is nicely written, it is just that I hate to see the wrong guys losing the battle.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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It is always darkest before the dawn. This series plays well with 17 to 24 year old males. It?s interesting that most females do not like this story line. Although it follows the fantasy fiction studies that say the ratio of male to female readers for that genre is 8 to 1. I?m glad that you are hanging in on my story. Let?s see what happens next, my friend.
Comment from JoannaN
I like the first part the best. The description of the battle is professional, there is a lot of action in this scene (which is appropriate for this genre), and the Prince getting caught is a good cliffhanger.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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I like the first part the best. The description of the battle is professional, there is a lot of action in this scene (which is appropriate for this genre), and the Prince getting caught is a good cliffhanger.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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Thank you. Believe it or not I initially wrote this series for my children who throughout the years have had me read it over and over again.
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It sounds great :) so this can be a kind of novel that grows with the reader :)
