Rise from the Fall
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Dear Luna"From one life to another
5 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I remember reading this novel some time past and it's easy to see that you've improved over what I remember reading. Colton, I believe was the primary character in that early chapter and there were so many characters that your chapter lost its focus. Here there are only two, with Iona, as the POV character being primary. This gives you a narrower focus and you use that to good advantage. Here are a few notes I made while reading:
the door to my chambers creeks open. [the door to my chambers CREAKS open.]
No matter the situation, his always in control. [... HE'S (?) always in control.]
Barely a year has passed since we embraced each other, [I think it's tighter and better with "each other" omitted. It's implied.]
Bloodcreast Keep is ours now. [BLOODCREST (?) Keep is ours now.]
Good job!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
  |
I remember reading this novel some time past and it's easy to see that you've improved over what I remember reading. Colton, I believe was the primary character in that early chapter and there were so many characters that your chapter lost its focus. Here there are only two, with Iona, as the POV character being primary. This gives you a narrower focus and you use that to good advantage. Here are a few notes I made while reading:
the door to my chambers creeks open. [the door to my chambers CREAKS open.]
No matter the situation, his always in control. [... HE'S (?) always in control.]
Barely a year has passed since we embraced each other, [I think it's tighter and better with "each other" omitted. It's implied.]
Bloodcreast Keep is ours now. [BLOODCREST (?) Keep is ours now.]
Good job!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
-
Nice to know that you remember my work. Thank you for your feedback.
Comment from prettybluebirds
It should be With (a) wink and a smile. Not (and). Other than that, it is perfect and extremely well-executed. I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but it was easy to understand.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
|
It should be With (a) wink and a smile. Not (and). Other than that, it is perfect and extremely well-executed. I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but it was easy to understand.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
-
Thank you.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Congratulations on your 50th post. Is the man Tristan and Becka caught the third person who went north with them to rescue Colton? Will the rescue of Colton be your next book? This has been an interesting book and your writing has grown more competent and interesting as time has passed. Your characters are well-developed by the end of the book. It might be a good idea to work on character development earlier in the book. Even if they are going to be a dead character, we should feel something for them, even if it's great, he's dead! Keep on writing and consider trying to market your work. That is a job in itself as it takes lots of research, but it is well worth it when you finally get an acceptance letter.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
|
Congratulations on your 50th post. Is the man Tristan and Becka caught the third person who went north with them to rescue Colton? Will the rescue of Colton be your next book? This has been an interesting book and your writing has grown more competent and interesting as time has passed. Your characters are well-developed by the end of the book. It might be a good idea to work on character development earlier in the book. Even if they are going to be a dead character, we should feel something for them, even if it's great, he's dead! Keep on writing and consider trying to market your work. That is a job in itself as it takes lots of research, but it is well worth it when you finally get an acceptance letter.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for taking this journey with me, Carol. Your feedback has always been helpful. I will expand this chapter by adding a scene to go with the letter.
To answer your questions, Alex is the third person going with Becka and Tristan. I will continue the story in another book. However, I may also do some short stories to flush out my world.
I've been debating whether self-publishing may be the better way to go. But, for another time.
Thank you once again, and happy holidays.
-
You might consider looking into anthologies. Depends on how long this book is.
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
Letters are very useful in carrying the narrative forward. Here important information is conveyed succinctly and the reader develops ideas about the character of Iona; there are some typo errors: God's means belonging to God- you are using the plural here so it should read- gods.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
|
Letters are very useful in carrying the narrative forward. Here important information is conveyed succinctly and the reader develops ideas about the character of Iona; there are some typo errors: God's means belonging to God- you are using the plural here so it should read- gods.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2022
-
Thanks
Comment from lancellot
Are you sure this is long enough for an entire chapter? Or will you add a part with him writing this and some interaction to proceed it, and maybe some after it. You know, sort of build a scene around writing the letter.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
|
Are you sure this is long enough for an entire chapter? Or will you add a part with him writing this and some interaction to proceed it, and maybe some after it. You know, sort of build a scene around writing the letter.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2022
-
It's a good question, Lancellot. The idea of creating a fuller scene did come to mind. Though I was worried about tense. This letter is meant to be read in the past tense while the rest of my book is in the present tense. From your perspective would changing tense effect the flow?
I should clarify that this is Iona, not Colton that's writing this letter. Do you have a suggestion on how I should go about that? I do have some ideas. However, I want to keep it under one thousand words
Thank you as always
-
Perhaps show Iona writing the letter, or pondering over what to write then sitting down by candle light or such.
-
That's pretty much what I was thinking about doing. Thanks, Lancellot, I'll edit that in over the next couple of days.