13 Words
Vigilante or Hero ?2 total reviews
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
Very dramatic with an unexpected climax! You certainly touch many issues which the reader can think about. The use of 'Stop', the prompt word, is extremely well used. The one thing I couldn't quite believe, was Eric's ability to send these coded messages through a newspaper?
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Very dramatic with an unexpected climax! You certainly touch many issues which the reader can think about. The use of 'Stop', the prompt word, is extremely well used. The one thing I couldn't quite believe, was Eric's ability to send these coded messages through a newspaper?
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Thanks for the nice review. The coded messages I imagine could be arranged with an editor if you have something on him/her. If blackmail, then back to the vigilante / criminal question again.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, there is certainly an air of mystery about the story and I would delve into this on a deeper level later on if I was you, although I think you'll find it pretty difficult to flesh certain parts of it as it feels very much like you'll end up writing yourself into a cul-de-sac. (especially with the newspaper message bit which is a stroke of convenience I feel here)
tossed it into the belly of immobile mugger - inert either an or the before immobile.
It would be better to have line breaks between every paragraph and each piece of dialogue for consistency.
t gently I felt. Groggily I noticed that it was barely light, but Susan was jabbering incessantly - watch out for your adverb usage in places. You have four in quick succession here which makes them really stand out. They can expose weakness in verb choices and can signal lazy writing.
"What", I said sitting up suddenly, - should probably have a question mark in here.
suddenly, lying down even more suddenly, and then slowly - watch the adverb usage again.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
 |
Hi there,
Well, there is certainly an air of mystery about the story and I would delve into this on a deeper level later on if I was you, although I think you'll find it pretty difficult to flesh certain parts of it as it feels very much like you'll end up writing yourself into a cul-de-sac. (especially with the newspaper message bit which is a stroke of convenience I feel here)
tossed it into the belly of immobile mugger - inert either an or the before immobile.
It would be better to have line breaks between every paragraph and each piece of dialogue for consistency.
t gently I felt. Groggily I noticed that it was barely light, but Susan was jabbering incessantly - watch out for your adverb usage in places. You have four in quick succession here which makes them really stand out. They can expose weakness in verb choices and can signal lazy writing.
"What", I said sitting up suddenly, - should probably have a question mark in here.
suddenly, lying down even more suddenly, and then slowly - watch the adverb usage again.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Cool - thanks for the review and great tips - just what I need. It's the only way to improve, and much appreciated.
