You Can Go Home Again
Everybody has their own way of worship29 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Capital letter to begin dialogue -- "...article and say, "yeah... = "Yeah, that's the way it went down, I was there."
"I've written about how Mercer County treats (you) like family..." -- my suggestion here would be to replace "you" with "everyone" or "people"
What a marvelous learning experience this paragraph was for me -- and it made me smile: "It was my understanding if you're Catholic a priest will come right on the battlefield and speak over you. This gave me comfort and one less thing to worry about. I could go to sleep at night knowing I was covered with the Big Guy." -- one minor suggestion here -- add a comma after "Catholic".
" At the next table over was John and Esther Harrison." -- plural = "...were John and Esther..."
I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for sharing it!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2023
  |
Capital letter to begin dialogue -- "...article and say, "yeah... = "Yeah, that's the way it went down, I was there."
"I've written about how Mercer County treats (you) like family..." -- my suggestion here would be to replace "you" with "everyone" or "people"
What a marvelous learning experience this paragraph was for me -- and it made me smile: "It was my understanding if you're Catholic a priest will come right on the battlefield and speak over you. This gave me comfort and one less thing to worry about. I could go to sleep at night knowing I was covered with the Big Guy." -- one minor suggestion here -- add a comma after "Catholic".
" At the next table over was John and Esther Harrison." -- plural = "...were John and Esther..."
I enjoyed this very much. Thank you for sharing it!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2023
-
Sorry it's taken me so ;long to say thank you for reading my story. I appreciate yoy taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Earl,
I know I'm incredibly lucky to have the life I do. I'm lucky to have had the mother I did and to have the father I do... for as long as he's here.
I'm running out of time to post my things, I see.
Written they are, posted they are not!
This was a good read. :)
Susan :)
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
|
Hi Earl,
I know I'm incredibly lucky to have the life I do. I'm lucky to have had the mother I did and to have the father I do... for as long as he's here.
I'm running out of time to post my things, I see.
Written they are, posted they are not!
This was a good read. :)
Susan :)
Comment Written 06-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
-
Thank you Susan. I appreciate you taking the time to read ad review my story.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I read nothing that was offensive to me. You told an interesting
story, Earl. It was well-organized and filled with great details and
imagery. You gave readers some good insight into your religious
beliefs. I liked the military part best. At the end, I figured you would
write I was blessed. But, I believe you left it off because of the words
written. Readers could fill that in themselves.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
|
I read nothing that was offensive to me. You told an interesting
story, Earl. It was well-organized and filled with great details and
imagery. You gave readers some good insight into your religious
beliefs. I liked the military part best. At the end, I figured you would
write I was blessed. But, I believe you left it off because of the words
written. Readers could fill that in themselves.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 05-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
-
Thank you Jan. I appreciate you taking the time to read ad review my story.
Comment from Sally Law
No ones true story of coming to faith offends me. I loved this and appreciate your honesty, Earl. A delightful read and refreshing too.
This is long overdue, my friend. I'm glad to see you writing today.
Sending you my best today as always, Christmas blessings, and my very best in the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
|
No ones true story of coming to faith offends me. I loved this and appreciate your honesty, Earl. A delightful read and refreshing too.
This is long overdue, my friend. I'm glad to see you writing today.
Sending you my best today as always, Christmas blessings, and my very best in the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 05-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
-
Thank you Sally. I appreciate you taking the time to read ad review my story.
-
You're most welcome, Earl! Blessings,
Sal :))
Comment from Terry Broxson
A very well-written story. I have never heard of anyone reporting on church services. I found the story interesting, with some good humor and excellent experiences. Excellent work. Terry.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
A very well-written story. I have never heard of anyone reporting on church services. I found the story interesting, with some good humor and excellent experiences. Excellent work. Terry.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
I cover churches all the time. I work for a privately owned newspaper in a small town. Thank you for reviewing my story.
-
Earl, that is pretty cool. Terry.
Comment from Thomas Blanks
Notes: "Since I'm a weekend reporter would stand to reason I would have to visit a church." (This sentence needs a comma after "reporter" followed by the word "it").
"A few years ago I would have said I was a lucky man to have the life I do.
But I know better now." (This does not flow logically. It seems that it should say, 'A few years ago I would have said I was a lucky man to have the life I did. But I know better now.' [without a new paragraph])
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
Notes: "Since I'm a weekend reporter would stand to reason I would have to visit a church." (This sentence needs a comma after "reporter" followed by the word "it").
"A few years ago I would have said I was a lucky man to have the life I do.
But I know better now." (This does not flow logically. It seems that it should say, 'A few years ago I would have said I was a lucky man to have the life I did. But I know better now.' [without a new paragraph])
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for reviewing my story.
Comment from Aiona
What an interesting essay about "faith." The two most interesting bits that are relevant to the topic of "faith" are
1. the clever way you got your dog tags changed, and the reason for it
2. how the word "blessed" replaced the word "lucky" in your household
The random names thrown into the story are meaningless to me, because I don't know them. And there are so many names, like a Russian novel! I almost think the story would be more relevant to "faith" if you took those names out, and just mentioned their relationship to you, which would be more relatable and memorable than specific names. Unless, of course, you're not trying to be relatable, and you're just honoring those people who've been in your life by naming them specifically. I can understand that too.
1. Arden McConnell
2. Joyce McConnell
3. Jimmy Bradley
4. Kathy Bradley
5. Janice Williams
6. Fred Williams
7. Jeff Williams
8. Fred Williams II
9. Virginia Shields
10. John Harrison
11. Esther Harrison
12. John Shrock
13. Pastor Harold Walton
14. Pastor Charles Polley
There are fourteen names of people who are only mentioned in passing. It might be nice to have a little bit more about them in relation to how they represent "faith" in your life. Otherwise... it's a bit overwhelming.
There were some typos:
1. "Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to"
It feels like there should be a word between "at" and "it." Did you mean to say the business for which you're a reporter?
2. "that's kind of my way of giving the glory to him." "Him" should be capitalized.
3. "Jesus came and hung on the cross for a great length of time for me, I should be able to spare him an hour of my undivided attention."
This is a run-on sentence. Technically it's two separate subject-verb sentences. Hence there should be a period, instead of a comma between them. I know stylistically, people write sentences like this all the time these days though.
4. "I've written about how Mercer County treats you like family and after every service I attend I'm invited back join them the next week."
These are two sentences (subject-verb) separated by a conjunction "and." Therefore, there should be a comma after "family." I also think you meant to put a "to" between "back" and "join."
5. "Even though I fought it for years, my ability to write is a God-given talent and by sharing it with everybody that's kind of my way of giving the glory to him."
There are two separate sentences (subject-verb) separated by "and." Therefore, there should be a comma after "talent." Also, the word "him" should be capitalized.
6. "I once told a minister that I let God take over the keyboard and that's how I get the story finished."
There are two separate sentences (subject "I"/verb "told") (subject "I"/verb "get") separated by "and." Therefore there should be a comma after "keyboard."
7. "Over the past six weeks I've attended services at St. Mikes, Holy Trinity's Blessing of the Beasts, St. Johns 185th anniversary, First Presbyterian and a Thanksgiving dinner at the Atlantic Community Church."
"Mikes" should be "Mike's." "Johns" should be "John's." Without the apostrophe, those words are plural instead of singular.
8. "The Atlantic Community Church was the church I grew up in and it was kind of like a homecoming for me."
This is another run-on sentence. The two subject-verb sentences should be separated by a comma. Therefore there should be a comma after "in."
9. "Arden sat on the board of review for my Eagle Scout and I was a student assistant to Joyce during Vacation Bible School."
There should be a comma after "Scout."
10. "Jimmy worked with my dad and Kathy cut my hair for my senior picture."
There should be a comma after "dad."
11. "But Pastor Walton knows my history and I was welcomed back, but not as a prodigal son, which I am, but as a member of the community."
There should be a comma after "history."
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
What an interesting essay about "faith." The two most interesting bits that are relevant to the topic of "faith" are
1. the clever way you got your dog tags changed, and the reason for it
2. how the word "blessed" replaced the word "lucky" in your household
The random names thrown into the story are meaningless to me, because I don't know them. And there are so many names, like a Russian novel! I almost think the story would be more relevant to "faith" if you took those names out, and just mentioned their relationship to you, which would be more relatable and memorable than specific names. Unless, of course, you're not trying to be relatable, and you're just honoring those people who've been in your life by naming them specifically. I can understand that too.
1. Arden McConnell
2. Joyce McConnell
3. Jimmy Bradley
4. Kathy Bradley
5. Janice Williams
6. Fred Williams
7. Jeff Williams
8. Fred Williams II
9. Virginia Shields
10. John Harrison
11. Esther Harrison
12. John Shrock
13. Pastor Harold Walton
14. Pastor Charles Polley
There are fourteen names of people who are only mentioned in passing. It might be nice to have a little bit more about them in relation to how they represent "faith" in your life. Otherwise... it's a bit overwhelming.
There were some typos:
1. "Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to"
It feels like there should be a word between "at" and "it." Did you mean to say the business for which you're a reporter?
2. "that's kind of my way of giving the glory to him." "Him" should be capitalized.
3. "Jesus came and hung on the cross for a great length of time for me, I should be able to spare him an hour of my undivided attention."
This is a run-on sentence. Technically it's two separate subject-verb sentences. Hence there should be a period, instead of a comma between them. I know stylistically, people write sentences like this all the time these days though.
4. "I've written about how Mercer County treats you like family and after every service I attend I'm invited back join them the next week."
These are two sentences (subject-verb) separated by a conjunction "and." Therefore, there should be a comma after "family." I also think you meant to put a "to" between "back" and "join."
5. "Even though I fought it for years, my ability to write is a God-given talent and by sharing it with everybody that's kind of my way of giving the glory to him."
There are two separate sentences (subject-verb) separated by "and." Therefore, there should be a comma after "talent." Also, the word "him" should be capitalized.
6. "I once told a minister that I let God take over the keyboard and that's how I get the story finished."
There are two separate sentences (subject "I"/verb "told") (subject "I"/verb "get") separated by "and." Therefore there should be a comma after "keyboard."
7. "Over the past six weeks I've attended services at St. Mikes, Holy Trinity's Blessing of the Beasts, St. Johns 185th anniversary, First Presbyterian and a Thanksgiving dinner at the Atlantic Community Church."
"Mikes" should be "Mike's." "Johns" should be "John's." Without the apostrophe, those words are plural instead of singular.
8. "The Atlantic Community Church was the church I grew up in and it was kind of like a homecoming for me."
This is another run-on sentence. The two subject-verb sentences should be separated by a comma. Therefore there should be a comma after "in."
9. "Arden sat on the board of review for my Eagle Scout and I was a student assistant to Joyce during Vacation Bible School."
There should be a comma after "Scout."
10. "Jimmy worked with my dad and Kathy cut my hair for my senior picture."
There should be a comma after "dad."
11. "But Pastor Walton knows my history and I was welcomed back, but not as a prodigal son, which I am, but as a member of the community."
There should be a comma after "history."
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for reviewing my story.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I enjoyed reading your piece.
Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to reason I would have- feels like there's a word missing here - at what?
Back during my first time here at the R-A in 2005- what's the R-A?
and as least intrusive as possible. - maybe use less rather least here.
In basic training the drill sergeants drilled into us that there aren't any Atheists in foxholes.- you know, people spout this a lot and it just isn't so. I know a lot of soldiers who've seen active service and I can assure everyone there are still atheists in foxholes...
The disclaimer about not offending anyone is a sad indictment of the world today. Personal beliefs shouldn't offend others, we've become so insensitive and intolerant it's just not funny anymore.
Best of luck
GMG
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
Hi there,
I enjoyed reading your piece.
Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to reason I would have- feels like there's a word missing here - at what?
Back during my first time here at the R-A in 2005- what's the R-A?
and as least intrusive as possible. - maybe use less rather least here.
In basic training the drill sergeants drilled into us that there aren't any Atheists in foxholes.- you know, people spout this a lot and it just isn't so. I know a lot of soldiers who've seen active service and I can assure everyone there are still atheists in foxholes...
The disclaimer about not offending anyone is a sad indictment of the world today. Personal beliefs shouldn't offend others, we've become so insensitive and intolerant it's just not funny anymore.
Best of luck
GMG
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
R-A is the Record Argus, the newspaper I work for. I know the atheists isn't true, but when i wax 17 I bought it hook line and sinker. I agree about the disclaimer but felt I'd better put it and I did get some complaints. Thank you for reviewing my story..
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a lovely story about deepening your faith. The reason you picked the Catholic team was amusing but also very serious. Visiting so many churches would certainly make you feel blessed. Very good writing and editing.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
This is a lovely story about deepening your faith. The reason you picked the Catholic team was amusing but also very serious. Visiting so many churches would certainly make you feel blessed. Very good writing and editing.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for reviewing my story.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Great story.
One catch:
Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to reason I would have to visit a church service every once in a while.
(Problem with the words at it)
Good work here!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
Great story.
One catch:
Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to reason I would have to visit a church service every once in a while.
(Problem with the words at it)
Good work here!
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
I fixed it. Thank you for reviewing my story.
