Deconstructing the Greats
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Crossing Borders"Here I'll share my own versions of famous poems.
18 total reviews
Comment from Karyn2
Powerful stuff! The heart breaks for this tragedy and sadly it isn't fiction. You pen so vividly the poor girl's innocence in the midst oh such a heart wrenching situation. To loose her parents and feel so lost and alone and not fully comprehending what has transpired or even knowing who to trust.
Thank you for bringing light into this sad reality.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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Powerful stuff! The heart breaks for this tragedy and sadly it isn't fiction. You pen so vividly the poor girl's innocence in the midst oh such a heart wrenching situation. To loose her parents and feel so lost and alone and not fully comprehending what has transpired or even knowing who to trust.
Thank you for bringing light into this sad reality.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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As you say, the worst part is that this isn't fiction. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A sad story in this poem Heather about those looking for a better life but only one young girl lives to see that new world. Unfortunately its reality for too many. Well told, cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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A sad story in this poem Heather about those looking for a better life but only one young girl lives to see that new world. Unfortunately its reality for too many. Well told, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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Thanks for your review, Valda. Take care.
Comment from Shirley McLain
It is a tragic story you have written that I'm sure happens all too often. You did a great job with this story, and I didn't see any errors. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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It is a tragic story you have written that I'm sure happens all too often. You did a great job with this story, and I didn't see any errors. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
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Thanks so much for reading, Shirley.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Maria Jose, unfortunately this happens far too often somewhere in the world. In this case only a little girl survives, but at what price? She's lost everything and must now start to live all on her own.
It's beautifully written. Ulla xx
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Hi Maria Jose, unfortunately this happens far too often somewhere in the world. In this case only a little girl survives, but at what price? She's lost everything and must now start to live all on her own.
It's beautifully written. Ulla xx
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Thanks so much for reading, Ulla. x
Comment from Begin Again
Good morning, Heather
What a tragic yet momentous moment for anyone, let alone a young child. A new, fresh beginning in a better place but your roots and past have been washed away. How is one happy and filled with sadness at the same time? I can see the water swaying back and forth, lapping at one's emotions.
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Good morning, Heather
What a tragic yet momentous moment for anyone, let alone a young child. A new, fresh beginning in a better place but your roots and past have been washed away. How is one happy and filled with sadness at the same time? I can see the water swaying back and forth, lapping at one's emotions.
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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Thanks so much for reading, Carol. Some people have really difficult lives...
Comment from lancellot
It is a difficult subject. The horrors adults put children through. Yes, there are reasons, and I get that some feel and it may be, that there are few alternatives when stuck between a rock and hard place. In life many times there are no easy answers.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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It is a difficult subject. The horrors adults put children through. Yes, there are reasons, and I get that some feel and it may be, that there are few alternatives when stuck between a rock and hard place. In life many times there are no easy answers.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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No, you're right. And some people have it tough. We've been lucky to be born in the West.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
OMG.. Heather, I have no more sixes. This poem is moving and heartbreaking to read. To think this is a poem that actually happens daily somewhere. Your text is a great size. The message is clearly stated. The only part, I would like you to consider adding is the pain of losing both parents. Have the child to try awakening them and screaming in Spanish (find the words online) over and over Mom and Dad with tears running down her face. A child the size/age depicted would not calmy accept her parents ' death. That human, emotional loss is the only thing missing in an otherwise great poem. She must have an innocent child's reaction, even if only two lines. Those lines give her, her humanity.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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OMG.. Heather, I have no more sixes. This poem is moving and heartbreaking to read. To think this is a poem that actually happens daily somewhere. Your text is a great size. The message is clearly stated. The only part, I would like you to consider adding is the pain of losing both parents. Have the child to try awakening them and screaming in Spanish (find the words online) over and over Mom and Dad with tears running down her face. A child the size/age depicted would not calmy accept her parents ' death. That human, emotional loss is the only thing missing in an otherwise great poem. She must have an innocent child's reaction, even if only two lines. Those lines give her, her humanity.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
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I'll think about it, Sandra. I think you are right.
My poem was based on a scene I saw in Criminal Minds or FBI, I'm not sure which one and the child was so stunned, he didn't even move.
I wouldn't have to look the words online... I'm Spanish. :)
Thanks so much for reading and for the suggestion.
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You are welcome. A silent tear rolling down her face would add that nod to humanity. Great you speak Spanish. You can easily do it.
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Thanks again, Sandra.
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You are welcome.
Comment from amahra
Ah, what a wonderfully written poem for such a dark day in a child's life. You did a great job of painting the picture of the tragedy of this little one. Your great descriptive writing needed no artwork, but I liked the artwork just the same. Great job.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Ah, what a wonderfully written poem for such a dark day in a child's life. You did a great job of painting the picture of the tragedy of this little one. Your great descriptive writing needed no artwork, but I liked the artwork just the same. Great job.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Thanks so much for your very kind review.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Wow! This is heart-wrenching. You have exceptional insight and courage from a writer's standpoint to write clearly and concisely about this subject. You brought the little girl's feelings to light and how she felt in that truck after being rescued. Nice work! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Wow! This is heart-wrenching. You have exceptional insight and courage from a writer's standpoint to write clearly and concisely about this subject. You brought the little girl's feelings to light and how she felt in that truck after being rescued. Nice work! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Thanks so much for reading, John.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is powerful and poignant and speaks to the immigration policy and how it lacks empathy and does not see how the true immigrant feels and how they need to be treated in this so-called land of opportunity.
I haven't read Richard Blanco's poem but can see a broken policy of immigration a mile away. Thanks for bringing up an important issue and have a wonderful weekend.
Jesse
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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This is powerful and poignant and speaks to the immigration policy and how it lacks empathy and does not see how the true immigrant feels and how they need to be treated in this so-called land of opportunity.
I haven't read Richard Blanco's poem but can see a broken policy of immigration a mile away. Thanks for bringing up an important issue and have a wonderful weekend.
Jesse
Comment Written 03-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Thanks for reading, Jesse and for the lovely yellow star. Take care.
