Reviews from

Spiritually Guided?

Flash Fiction: Was I ...

14 total reviews 
Comment from Ric Myworld
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What a great story, and I believe that even though it is writing as fiction, there has to be some element of truth in it. Or maybe I just choose to believe that. LOL. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 30-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 30-Nov-2022
    Absolutely, as noted a ribbon of truth, with a twist sister mind set.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
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This is an endearing story and the persistence of the church is a bit scary to be honest, not sure I would like to be pursued in such a way but it sounds like it was worth it in the end, a fun story Tom, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    Actually, the man did say they could call i exchange for his meeting with the guy. If I was the caller though, and was told my fish drowned I'd likely would have figured no interest, but then the prospect would have lost more even if satisfied. Thanks.
Comment from karenina
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Nice flash fiction, Tom. I think "a ribbon of truth" runs through most fiction... You came in at 493 words, by "WORD" count, so great job staying within the parameters!

Very well written! A few minor suggestions...

"hear their message and say 'no interest.' " (I'd add a comma after "say")

and

"So we did, not knowing how the plan would end." (I'd add a comma after "So")

and

"Somewhat confused and visibly miffed," (Strictly a style thing, but if one is somewhat confused, one is confused, right? "somewhat" seems extraneous.)

and

"I'd make them pay for the imposition." (I'd is a contraction for "I had" --
I believe you are going for "I would" ~ "I would make them pay..." seems like the right choice.

Small little suggestions that do not in any way take away from the inspiring story. Use or discard, as you see fit.

Best of luck in the contest!

Karenina


 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    I never knew of I had. Always thought it to be I have. SO, when I look it up it's defined as either. https://www.answers.com/english-language-arts/What_is_the_contraction_I'd WebDec 11, 2014
    The contraction "I'd" is a shortened form of "I had" or "I would "
    What if I use "I'll make them pay for their imposition."
reply by karenina on 29-Nov-2022
    That looks great!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
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Yes, perseverance paid off. You told an interesting story, Tom.
I liked the descriptions of the setting and the work involved.
The salesman thought he had covered all bases, and it would
be easy to get rid of the visitors when they would show up.
However, he never figured there was a higher power at work.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    Even when one wins, they lose, but likely just as often as when they lose, they win. "Comme ci comme Áa." Glad to have you read and comment. Thank you.
Comment from royowen
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Well done Tom. You've looked through the eyes of someone else. But no one could have sold me on "religion", I didn't like being sold anything by anyone, naturally suspicious, it took a visitation by God Himself, but He knew that anyway. Beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    By your leave, my friend, I agree, and neither did the subject in hand as stated near the end where the credit for their conversion came.
reply by royowen on 29-Nov-2022
    Well done
Comment from Lilly Flowers
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This is a marvelous story. It's listed under flash fiction, but I'm thinking it's autobiographical. I'm very spiritual also - I don't think God cares what religion you choose. The important thing is to be the best person you can be and to feel connected to God/the spiritual rhelm. Very nicely written. Hugs, Lilly P.S. Is that the right way to spell rhelm? It doesn't look right, but didn't pop up on my spellcheck.

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    Amen. Realm is correct.
    As the author notes should read there is a ribbon of autobiography in this piece, but I set the timeline to be in the thirties, a decade before I came along.
Comment from Susan Newell
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Tom,

This is a great story about people who think they've heard it all, and think they know what they want. I liked the fact that you made it a salesman on the receiving end of the greatest Salesman ever.

Sue

to call your home to share -- to call at your ?

I said, "sure," ==> "Sure,"

I said to the missus, "let's get it over with. ==> "Let's

hear their message and say "no interest." ==> 'no interest.'"

I asked the wife, "what of you?" ==> "What

Direct quotes are always treated as new sentences and beginning words are capitalized. Single quotation marks are used for quotes within quotes.

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    ??? really? 'no interest.'" I have never seen such punctuation.
reply by Susan Newell on 29-Nov-2022
    Really. Do a search for "how to punctuate internal quotes."
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    I see, like this example:
    ?The parents were encouraged when Kathryn said ?let?s keep the park open although the extra funding hasn?t been passed,? ?
    It's been updated. Thanks.
Comment from Sally Law
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I really love this, Tom. Much like my conversion just at a different point in time. The spirit of God is always working to draw us to faith in Christ. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    I had to rewrite is a little this morning as more than a few fanstory friends felt it may not be accepted as flash fiction, so I redated it back to the thirties. Appreciate your comment.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
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This is an excellent entry for the Faith Flash Fiction contest. I skimmed through a few of the reviews and wondered about the Fiction / nonfiction question, so i clicked on the contest. As it's a site contest, if you don't place you will never know whether you were were in fact not even considered on a technicality. But the instructions are not the clearest. 'your faith' is obviously an exhortation to fact, not fiction. I think if you want to win it's best to err on the side of caution, and say in the notes it's an unreal couple. (poetic licence is permissible sometimes). Kate xx

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    A friend in need is a friend indeed. I'll add the side note. Thank you.
Comment from strandregs
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A real life story I presume.
Being Autistic or some other excuse the lord hasn't cracked open my doors yet.
Nicely spun.
Eloquently told.
And surprisingly coherent.
Well done. :-))Z.

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2022


reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
    I appreciate your time and comments.