Lords Of The Glen
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "No Surrender"A A new threat arises to the north.
5 total reviews
Comment from Dr. Von
Your writing gives the reader a good view of the characters and the action on the battlefield. It is no small thing to successfully Construct a writing plan to maneuver troops and manage engagements. It is a strategist's dream. Good job maintaining consistent flow to connect the storyline.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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Your writing gives the reader a good view of the characters and the action on the battlefield. It is no small thing to successfully Construct a writing plan to maneuver troops and manage engagements. It is a strategist's dream. Good job maintaining consistent flow to connect the storyline.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2022
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A wonderful review from a wonderful friend. Thank you!
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You are welcome.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Douglas,
Your spellbinding story unfolds nicely. The colors of blood you describe, along with other descriptions, and the ensuing battle scene is very well-written.
Exceptional paragraph construction--it reads like a professional novel--I'm going
to try to employ these devises in my writing. I'm still learning.
Good luck with this!
Blessings,
Cindy
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Douglas,
Your spellbinding story unfolds nicely. The colors of blood you describe, along with other descriptions, and the ensuing battle scene is very well-written.
Exceptional paragraph construction--it reads like a professional novel--I'm going
to try to employ these devises in my writing. I'm still learning.
Good luck with this!
Blessings,
Cindy
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 29-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind words, awesome review, and generous rating Cindy. I appreciate you!
Comment from Ricky1024
This is another fine chapter.
Well written rich in theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Many, many, things are going on now.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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This is another fine chapter.
Well written rich in theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Many, many, things are going on now.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Good to hear from you, my friend! Thank you for your kind review. I hope you are doing good this week?
Comment from nor84
Reconsider using the ellipsis. It's meant for a voice trailing off due to weakness or confusion, but most of the time you don't need it. The first paragraph is barely readable because of them. Overuse can grow into a habit.
This review is meant to be helpful. If it isn't, no problem.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Reconsider using the ellipsis. It's meant for a voice trailing off due to weakness or confusion, but most of the time you don't need it. The first paragraph is barely readable because of them. Overuse can grow into a habit.
This review is meant to be helpful. If it isn't, no problem.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Great assist. In the story I use them for the segmented/fragment images (thoughts) that come while using the magical helmet. What do you think I could use instead to separate it from regular speech or thoughts?
Thanks!
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Great assist. In the story I use them for the segmented/fragment images (thoughts) that come while using the magical helmet. What do you think I could use instead to separate it from regular speech or thoughts?
Thanks!
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You could try italics, maybe, but I'm not sure Fanstory would show italics. Maybe just add something from the character or narrator to show he put on the helmet and when he takes it off. As written, though, those ellipses are going to turn people off, and could become a bad writing habit. Maybe just use fewer?
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You left a great hook that makes sure we'll come back and read. I enjoyed reading. Your descriptions and action were very well written.
The symbol that he had seen on the bronze doors burned in his mind, reinforcing the plan that he had just formulated (omit both 'that')
Borlan looked each one in the eye, knowing that they were the best of the Yule Riders. (omit 'that')
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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You left a great hook that makes sure we'll come back and read. I enjoyed reading. Your descriptions and action were very well written.
The symbol that he had seen on the bronze doors burned in his mind, reinforcing the plan that he had just formulated (omit both 'that')
Borlan looked each one in the eye, knowing that they were the best of the Yule Riders. (omit 'that')
Comment Written 28-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2022
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Your reviews are always a big help Barbara. My 'love affair' with the word 'that' seems to be an ongoing issue. I made the corrections in my word draft. Thank you and have an awesome day, my friend!
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Most people overuse the word 'that'. I had to go through and entire 80,000 word manuscript for an editor and remove them. I now cringe when I read it. I had the same issue.
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Ahhhh, makes sense. I really appreciate the help.
