Black Phantom Shadows
A street opera in the key of C.21 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You certainly have succeeded in getting that 'melodic melody' into this rap-style verse. Lots of fun with wordplay and repetition all creating an almost fairground effect of this street life, loaded with druggies, harlots, poverty and pain. Small edit: 2nd line, 4th stanza - nighttime. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
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You certainly have succeeded in getting that 'melodic melody' into this rap-style verse. Lots of fun with wordplay and repetition all creating an almost fairground effect of this street life, loaded with druggies, harlots, poverty and pain. Small edit: 2nd line, 4th stanza - nighttime. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
Comment from BenThrone
The alliteration in this poem, that does indeed provide a Kafkaesque tableau, is done quite well. I wish I knew more about opera to understand all of your references, but even so I enjoyed this piece.
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The alliteration in this poem, that does indeed provide a Kafkaesque tableau, is done quite well. I wish I knew more about opera to understand all of your references, but even so I enjoyed this piece.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
Comment from amahra
This is a very nice poem with lots of humor and tongue twisters...at least, for me.
black phantom shadows -
(human beings)
aromatic ghosts float
but rarely are they seen [love these lines.]
funky-monkey mind [funny!]
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This is a very nice poem with lots of humor and tongue twisters...at least, for me.
black phantom shadows -
(human beings)
aromatic ghosts float
but rarely are they seen [love these lines.]
funky-monkey mind [funny!]
Comment Written 25-Nov-2022
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Very propelling beat here. The marriage of a rap force with references to classical pieces is brave. Likening the Borgeia in C to a siren's wail was something I wouldn't have considered, but then again, you have it filtered through a street troll's ears. I'll need to re-read this several more times before I get the gist of it, I think, but I'm intrigued...which is perfect, since the ultimate point of a poem is to make a reader think!
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Very propelling beat here. The marriage of a rap force with references to classical pieces is brave. Likening the Borgeia in C to a siren's wail was something I wouldn't have considered, but then again, you have it filtered through a street troll's ears. I'll need to re-read this several more times before I get the gist of it, I think, but I'm intrigued...which is perfect, since the ultimate point of a poem is to make a reader think!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
Comment from Frank Malley
"Black Phantoms Shadow" is a poem that rhymes freely where it wishes. It is about the realities of urban life, although I can't tell whether the 'black' in its title means to make a racial recognition or not; it works either way, since so many black lives have come to ruin on the urban streets.
This poem has a dramtic outcome, complete with an E.A. Poe type event. It is, I think, a horror poem of sorts and it includes strong, poetic lines describing the ugliness and ferocity of the city streets.
I think that dumpster diving could be more shockingly described, and that doing so might make this poem exceptional.
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"Black Phantoms Shadow" is a poem that rhymes freely where it wishes. It is about the realities of urban life, although I can't tell whether the 'black' in its title means to make a racial recognition or not; it works either way, since so many black lives have come to ruin on the urban streets.
This poem has a dramtic outcome, complete with an E.A. Poe type event. It is, I think, a horror poem of sorts and it includes strong, poetic lines describing the ugliness and ferocity of the city streets.
I think that dumpster diving could be more shockingly described, and that doing so might make this poem exceptional.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Lee,
This poem uses line breaks and metaphor well to give a strong image of what street life is like for the homeless. It is sad that they can't trust to talk to a cop. It would seem a good thing to have a cop as a friend looking after you.
Keep writing and say healthly
Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it.
Joan
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Hi Lee,
This poem uses line breaks and metaphor well to give a strong image of what street life is like for the homeless. It is sad that they can't trust to talk to a cop. It would seem a good thing to have a cop as a friend looking after you.
Keep writing and say healthly
Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it.
Joan
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
Comment from Aussie
Drugs are their anesthetic from reality. On the increase now, seems drugs are the norm. We have become the outsiders because we are clean. They are killing themselves within a pipe dream. K xx
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Drugs are their anesthetic from reality. On the increase now, seems drugs are the norm. We have become the outsiders because we are clean. They are killing themselves within a pipe dream. K xx
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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"They are killing themselves within a pipe dream." What a brilliant line young scribe. I, of course, will steal it from you because I only steal the best from the best. I thank you friend for your generous review. tom
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I will let you steal it - only if you read my Star of Bethlehem. God is watching you! Hee, Hee. K xx
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your poetry. It is interesting and impressive to read. The sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! No mistakes found in your poetry. Thank you for sharing!
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I have enjoyed reading your poetry. It is interesting and impressive to read. The sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! No mistakes found in your poetry. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
Comment from jake cosmos aller
very well done poem about life in the mean streets of any city. I like the grittiness, the language "crack harlot" works great, I also like the reference to the police and the shakedown game they play.
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very well done poem about life in the mean streets of any city. I like the grittiness, the language "crack harlot" works great, I also like the reference to the police and the shakedown game they play.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing and have a great Blessed Thanksgiving.
Doctor Ricky 1024
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This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing and have a great Blessed Thanksgiving.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
