The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life pt 25"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
6 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Well, it seems that Ohmie isn't going to last long so it's good that both father and son could openly express their love for each other as they don't know if this is their last time together.
One geographical comment:
gunsmith he knew in Czechoslovakia. (the Czech Republic) There hasn't been Czechoslovakia since the early 1990s and that was before some of the technology mentioned in the book was available.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Well, it seems that Ohmie isn't going to last long so it's good that both father and son could openly express their love for each other as they don't know if this is their last time together.
One geographical comment:
gunsmith he knew in Czechoslovakia. (the Czech Republic) There hasn't been Czechoslovakia since the early 1990s and that was before some of the technology mentioned in the book was available.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Dating myself. I still call myself an Arkansawyer as opposed to the media-driven new term of Arkansan, with emphasis non the second instead of the first and third syllables.
Thank you for the correction. And thank you for the review.
Comment from Wendy G
I think this line spacing is good - it makes for easier reading. Your story continues to be engaging and moving - it is sad that his father hasn't expressed his love openly before. Even if he knows it, it's always good to hear it said. Poor Ohmie, struggling each day, knowing death is imminent.
Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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I think this line spacing is good - it makes for easier reading. Your story continues to be engaging and moving - it is sad that his father hasn't expressed his love openly before. Even if he knows it, it's always good to hear it said. Poor Ohmie, struggling each day, knowing death is imminent.
Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
Think Daniel Craig (James Bond) type of spy for a father figure. Maybe a decent husband, but no time or inclination for kids. And remember, Ohmie is only 13.
Thanks again for the review.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Malto Meal really is a brand name for a cereal. But you knew that. Right? Still, it works good here.
P3, s7: I THINK (condition) should be (conditions) plural
P5, s1: SUGGEST (was me, and Mom) rather than (was me. And Mom)
p5, S4: Insert (was) between (anyone) and (the)
P6, s1: Remove one extra space before (Mom)
P6, s4: SUGGEST (body fat, at all. and) rather than (body fat. At all. And)
P6, s6: I don't THINK (Fish) should be capitalized
P6, s6: SUGGEST removing comma after (were good)
P7, s8: SUGGEST adding (of) after (darken the door)
P6, s10: SUGGEST (really) rather than (real)
P17, s1: SUGGEST adding a comma after (By this time)
I'm baaaack. Can you tell? LOL
I don't like reading about Ohmie being on death's doorstep. I know it's a different Ohmie than the cave man one, but it's difficult to separate the two. I mean, Ohmie is a pretty distinctive name.
At any rate, even without going back to catch up on this story, I can get the picture. A story well told and a tale worth taking note of.
Good job Wayne. It really does me good to read me some Ohmie again, regardless of what rendition he is.
Gary M
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Malto Meal really is a brand name for a cereal. But you knew that. Right? Still, it works good here.
P3, s7: I THINK (condition) should be (conditions) plural
P5, s1: SUGGEST (was me, and Mom) rather than (was me. And Mom)
p5, S4: Insert (was) between (anyone) and (the)
P6, s1: Remove one extra space before (Mom)
P6, s4: SUGGEST (body fat, at all. and) rather than (body fat. At all. And)
P6, s6: I don't THINK (Fish) should be capitalized
P6, s6: SUGGEST removing comma after (were good)
P7, s8: SUGGEST adding (of) after (darken the door)
P6, s10: SUGGEST (really) rather than (real)
P17, s1: SUGGEST adding a comma after (By this time)
I'm baaaack. Can you tell? LOL
I don't like reading about Ohmie being on death's doorstep. I know it's a different Ohmie than the cave man one, but it's difficult to separate the two. I mean, Ohmie is a pretty distinctive name.
At any rate, even without going back to catch up on this story, I can get the picture. A story well told and a tale worth taking note of.
Good job Wayne. It really does me good to read me some Ohmie again, regardless of what rendition he is.
Gary M
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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big smiley face here
There's the Gary I've missed!
I earlier stories I've commented that there's been an Ohmie in every generation. My first Ohmie was Kite Day. A modern Ohmie kid. This one started as a stand alone contest entry. I liked it and wrote 50K words in a week-and-a-half.
Thank you immensely for the six stars!
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
My sadness for Ohmie, the boy wonder, grows with every chapter. He sure is one tough little man. The spy intrigue really seems secondary to Ohmie's travels through and within it. I have no clue about how to fix the line spacing. It has frustrated me as well.
Sue
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Wayne,
My sadness for Ohmie, the boy wonder, grows with every chapter. He sure is one tough little man. The spy intrigue really seems secondary to Ohmie's travels through and within it. I have no clue about how to fix the line spacing. It has frustrated me as well.
Sue
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
Yes. But I had to give Ohmie a vehicle (the spy intrigue).
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Exactly.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I've said it before, and I'll repeat, prolonged dying is difficult to live through, and difficult to describe and you do a good job. At least Ohmie won't grow bored as he watches rather than acts, plenty going on around him. Kate xx
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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I've said it before, and I'll repeat, prolonged dying is difficult to live through, and difficult to describe and you do a good job. At least Ohmie won't grow bored as he watches rather than acts, plenty going on around him. Kate xx
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Thank you. More action to come, though.
What I try to avoid is the Audie Murphy syndrom (I made that up)
Audie Murphy, the most decorated hero (American) of WWII, became an actor who didn't really start to fight until he was beaten nearly to a pulp - not credible. (or is it just 'pulp'?)
Thank you for the review. Sorry if I got too graphic. lol
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Yes, you did a good job this time of making sure the reader knows that your dad is relaying the details of what he's been up to directly to Ohmie so that Ohmie can then tell us the story.
Geez, it's too bad - but not uncommon - that it takes someone dying for them and those around them to express their true feelings.
As far as spacing goes, are you using advanced editor when you post this? It picks up the spacing I used in Word Document when I copy and paste using advanced editor.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Yes, you did a good job this time of making sure the reader knows that your dad is relaying the details of what he's been up to directly to Ohmie so that Ohmie can then tell us the story.
Geez, it's too bad - but not uncommon - that it takes someone dying for them and those around them to express their true feelings.
As far as spacing goes, are you using advanced editor when you post this? It picks up the spacing I used in Word Document when I copy and paste using advanced editor.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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Advanced Editor - yes.
It adds space between lines, and an extra space between paragraphs. I play with the header options, but that presents its own issues. But at least it eliminates the %%$&AA@ stuff.
I thought about Ohmie speculating that his dad had probably killed way more people than he'd loved, but thought that would detract from the father I'm trying to mold him into.
Thank you for the review.
