The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life pt 24"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
6 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I'm not sure I understood the hidden message in Ohmie's dad's conversation with Dale, but it seems that they are able to lead those who are listening in the way they want.
Suggestion:
Had any one intercepted the signal (anyone)
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2022
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Well, I'm not sure I understood the hidden message in Ohmie's dad's conversation with Dale, but it seems that they are able to lead those who are listening in the way they want.
Suggestion:
Had any one intercepted the signal (anyone)
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2022
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Prob'ly, but not in this story. They are masters at that. (intercepted msg)
I think many (most) books have parts that are skimming material for some readers, like the lovey-dovey parts for me. (smiley face here)
Thank you for the review.
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If you have a Windows PC and keyboard, you can easily get to those emoticons by pressing the Windows key (left bottom row) and at the same time press the period. 😊
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screaming face here! lol
I am not meaning to be picky, but ... you said 'easily' in the same sentence as a combination high tech computer operation. I am caveman Ohmie. (don't tell anyone) lol
Think getting directions - "you can't miss it." - Oh yes I can! lol
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Lol. Sorry. It only works if you have a keyboard with the Windows key:
Press that key, keeping it down, press the period. A menu will pop up and you can choose any of those emoticons.
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Thank you. I did get it figured out. And your instructions worked perfectly. I was exercising a touch of hyperbolic facetiousness.
(smiley face here) lol
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😊🌼🌻
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Thank you for the review and catch.
Comment from Wendy G
Well, that is an elaborate code, and their way of speaking for an unseen audience while warning each other of potential problems is complex and intricate. That's why I could never be a spy - I need everything clear and straightforward andnot too many twists and turns. Ohmie does well to keep up with it all. There is one paragraph with different spacing.
Well done though.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2022
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Well, that is an elaborate code, and their way of speaking for an unseen audience while warning each other of potential problems is complex and intricate. That's why I could never be a spy - I need everything clear and straightforward andnot too many twists and turns. Ohmie does well to keep up with it all. There is one paragraph with different spacing.
Well done though.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2022
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Thank you. Yes, some writing is made for skimming by all but the nerdyest.
Good thing Ohmie is a prodigy.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
This was an interesting chapter, but I didn't bet all the coding stuff again. No matter. So now the buddy and the Company are keeping an eye on Dad while Dortch tries to take him out. Ready for the next chapter. A couple notes follow.
Sue
"He saved ZĂ¼rman's life," Dale said matter-of-factly. "And the Company knows it." -- ZĂ¼rman is in blue
"And tie a ribbon on it," Dale finished for him." -- extraneous quote mark
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Wayne,
This was an interesting chapter, but I didn't bet all the coding stuff again. No matter. So now the buddy and the Company are keeping an eye on Dad while Dortch tries to take him out. Ready for the next chapter. A couple notes follow.
Sue
"He saved ZĂ¼rman's life," Dale said matter-of-factly. "And the Company knows it." -- ZĂ¼rman is in blue
"And tie a ribbon on it," Dale finished for him." -- extraneous quote mark
Comment Written 18-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Thanks for the catch. I tried, but could not get FanStory's cooperation getting the blue out. (see author notes)
Thank you for the review.
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No big deal. Just wasn't sure you'd seen it. Maybe if you delete and rekey the whole line?
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Thanks for the post. I think there's potential in the plot /scenario, and the general idea appears to be well thought of. The only suggestion I would venture to offer is the A word: ACTION
I read a lot of description of places, codes, finding and interpreting clues etc. But it didn't grab my full attention because any spy story requires plot, growing and evolving until each chapter ends with a bang. But overall, the writing is clear and dynamic.
Good job.
Mario
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Thanks for the post. I think there's potential in the plot /scenario, and the general idea appears to be well thought of. The only suggestion I would venture to offer is the A word: ACTION
I read a lot of description of places, codes, finding and interpreting clues etc. But it didn't grab my full attention because any spy story requires plot, growing and evolving until each chapter ends with a bang. But overall, the writing is clear and dynamic.
Good job.
Mario
Comment Written 18-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Thank you. I understand exactly what you're saying. I wonder how much of the story you've read because other reviewers have been grateful for chapters where they could 'rest' from the action. Keeping the chapters to about 1400-1500 words precludes action in each, also.
Thank you for the suggestion, though. Maybe in a rewrite, I could lengthen the chapters allowing for more regular fireworks.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
What a horrible world. Living in it must be like wading through a sea of molasses. Kate xx
experience as Dad > experience Dad had
But that guy, I don't know his name, I'm sure Mom does, though, would give Dad up if he was convinced Dad had gone over to the dark side. > confusing as too many sub-clauses
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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What a horrible world. Living in it must be like wading through a sea of molasses. Kate xx
experience as Dad > experience Dad had
But that guy, I don't know his name, I'm sure Mom does, though, would give Dad up if he was convinced Dad had gone over to the dark side. > confusing as too many sub-clauses
Comment Written 18-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the review.
My goal in the awkward sentence was to remind readers of a 13 yr old narrator. Maybe a little more?
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
How did you come up with such an elaborate coding system (are you really a CIA operative?)?
It was a nice change to read about someone who does seem to care about Ohmie's family and has a similar story to tell as Ohmie's father. Even spies are people, I guess.
The only thing I question is how Ohmie narrates this chapter when he's not actually there to witness it. I understand that this has been Ohmie's story from the beginning, but he can't talk about something he can't see. That would be a monstrous task to fix it, and perhaps the most important thing would be to move the story along.
Ohmie lives another day (or chapter) - yea!
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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How did you come up with such an elaborate coding system (are you really a CIA operative?)?
It was a nice change to read about someone who does seem to care about Ohmie's family and has a similar story to tell as Ohmie's father. Even spies are people, I guess.
The only thing I question is how Ohmie narrates this chapter when he's not actually there to witness it. I understand that this has been Ohmie's story from the beginning, but he can't talk about something he can't see. That would be a monstrous task to fix it, and perhaps the most important thing would be to move the story along.
Ohmie lives another day (or chapter) - yea!
Comment Written 18-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
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Hah!
I've dealt with a couple other such occasions where Dad talked to Ohmie afterwards as a sort of 'I can, and should, tell you because you're dying and what else can I do but talk to you'. I'll have to look at this instance a little harder.
The code - Jerry Lucas 'The memory Book'. Fascinating reading. He gives the code as well as other very useful memory tips. Pub was prob'ly in the 60s but maybe eBay.
Thank you for the very nice review.
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Thanks for the extra info.
