"The Book of Death"
Viewing comments for Chapter 82 "The Price is Right?"Is the living really alive and living?
2 total reviews
Comment from AudreyRose
Interesting scene! To be honest though, I feel that it would almost be better written in script form because it is all dialogue. I feel like I am just listening to the scene, there isn't any visual aspect to it. If it were a script, then the scenery would paint the picture. Right now though, it feels a bit ungrounded.
I really love the idea though, and the twist at the end when I realized that the show was taking place in Hell and there were demons in the audience - great! It would make a great short video or skit I think.
There were a few technical issues I spotted, just grammar stuff that can be fixed easily.
End line of first stanza should be 'our' not 'are'.
Second stanza reads "Welcome to from Money Mississippi", is there a name missing? I see the next line has a name as well, maybe these two lines can be combined?
Fifth stanza reads "Show me my money mow too?", what does this mean? Or is it supposed to be now?
Also, it switches from Jessy to Jesse a few times when talking about the main contestant, I think.
You've got a great beginning here, keep rolling with it!
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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Interesting scene! To be honest though, I feel that it would almost be better written in script form because it is all dialogue. I feel like I am just listening to the scene, there isn't any visual aspect to it. If it were a script, then the scenery would paint the picture. Right now though, it feels a bit ungrounded.
I really love the idea though, and the twist at the end when I realized that the show was taking place in Hell and there were demons in the audience - great! It would make a great short video or skit I think.
There were a few technical issues I spotted, just grammar stuff that can be fixed easily.
End line of first stanza should be 'our' not 'are'.
Second stanza reads "Welcome to from Money Mississippi", is there a name missing? I see the next line has a name as well, maybe these two lines can be combined?
Fifth stanza reads "Show me my money mow too?", what does this mean? Or is it supposed to be now?
Also, it switches from Jessy to Jesse a few times when talking about the main contestant, I think.
You've got a great beginning here, keep rolling with it!
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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Thanks for your time review and comments Dr Ricky 1024
Comment from Moonbeams Musings 55
I loved the surprise ending and had to read it again. I found it to be quirky and so dead on. Your use of a game show was brilliant. Now I can feel a bit of sarcasm after reading it again. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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I loved the surprise ending and had to read it again. I found it to be quirky and so dead on. Your use of a game show was brilliant. Now I can feel a bit of sarcasm after reading it again. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2022
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Yeah the point was using the combination of
"The Price is Right and Let's Make a Deal"
I've personally been there twice and cheated Death 14 times and cou ting.
That book were at 100 chapters will be released with My Soul?
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky1024
"Still Preaching the Choir here at Fanstory "