Monsters In The Bedroom
A Snoring Story30 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
So mundain the thought not the story but great story
IAM pretty sure most think at some point if I was brave enough I would do this.
Or sleep in another room. :-))Z.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2023
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So mundain the thought not the story but great story
IAM pretty sure most think at some point if I was brave enough I would do this.
Or sleep in another room. :-))Z.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2023
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Ha ha! The latter idea would avoid you sleeping in a cell!!
Thanks for the review
Comment from Jay Squires
My goodness, did this win the contest, Mario? I'd be surprised if it didn't. You did a marvelous job, building up to the climax, with Irma trying repeatedly to get the cloth to work ... and, of course, you guided the reader into believing that her plan worked with the words, "Freddy's snore became softer, and his breathing smoothed out. He had several hiccups, then the room went silent." Ha! and then the sweet expression of revenge when it is Freddy who strolls into the kitchen the next morning and drops the cloth in the trash! Masterful!
Now, I'll admit to you, it was payback, my reading this. I was returning the favor for your reading scene four of my Musical, "NYCDoHD Spells Jobs" ... but I'm so glad I did! You can rest assured, I shall be reading more of your stuff in the future.
Jay
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2022
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My goodness, did this win the contest, Mario? I'd be surprised if it didn't. You did a marvelous job, building up to the climax, with Irma trying repeatedly to get the cloth to work ... and, of course, you guided the reader into believing that her plan worked with the words, "Freddy's snore became softer, and his breathing smoothed out. He had several hiccups, then the room went silent." Ha! and then the sweet expression of revenge when it is Freddy who strolls into the kitchen the next morning and drops the cloth in the trash! Masterful!
Now, I'll admit to you, it was payback, my reading this. I was returning the favor for your reading scene four of my Musical, "NYCDoHD Spells Jobs" ... but I'm so glad I did! You can rest assured, I shall be reading more of your stuff in the future.
Jay
Comment Written 07-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2022
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Hello Jay,
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. You read it perfectly, that's the whole plot, however, some Fanstory members were asking many questions about the ending, to the point that I was doubting that the story was written correctly. Thank you for confirming that the plot was quite clear. I liked your post too, and hope to read you more in the future.
Thanks again!!
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Well ... if you have the time, and the dollar count isn't important (it just came off promotion), I'd love you to have a gander at Sc. 5. I'm particularly proud of that. And it lacks 2 of being ATB.
Comment from sunnilicious
That was an nicely written story about snoring. I really got into it. However, I thought the end was too graphic as it gave me a bit of a panic. I pray it was not a true stroy. I must like happy endings for everyone.
Peace be upon you, (not on you). Happy Holidays :)
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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That was an nicely written story about snoring. I really got into it. However, I thought the end was too graphic as it gave me a bit of a panic. I pray it was not a true stroy. I must like happy endings for everyone.
Peace be upon you, (not on you). Happy Holidays :)
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
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Hi
Thank you for your kind review. It was pure fiction, and it made 2nd place in the flash fiction contest.
Mario.
Comment from Frank Malley
Snoring is a curse to the snoree and snorred upon. Our civilization has made some headway with this awful, vibrating membranes sound so common among people. Who, cruelly, are old enough to be sleeping with a partner whose function bringing support and orgasms into shared life rams its head into a nightly concurrent loud and un-musical assault upon the sexually satisfied but sleep-deprived bedmate. A friend who is a former endurer of snore then explains a method for ending this trial by vibrating tissue. A crime is required, and the story is off and away.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Snoring is a curse to the snoree and snorred upon. Our civilization has made some headway with this awful, vibrating membranes sound so common among people. Who, cruelly, are old enough to be sleeping with a partner whose function bringing support and orgasms into shared life rams its head into a nightly concurrent loud and un-musical assault upon the sexually satisfied but sleep-deprived bedmate. A friend who is a former endurer of snore then explains a method for ending this trial by vibrating tissue. A crime is required, and the story is off and away.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Thanks for your review. Really appreciate it!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, I was entertained here Mario and I loved this inventive write, your clever dialogue and the wickedness within. My husband used to snore, but a gentle nudge usually disturbed enough to stop, it can be a nightmare for some couples but these ladies resorted to extreme action! Much fun, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Ha ha ha, I was entertained here Mario and I loved this inventive write, your clever dialogue and the wickedness within. My husband used to snore, but a gentle nudge usually disturbed enough to stop, it can be a nightmare for some couples but these ladies resorted to extreme action! Much fun, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Hello Dolly,
Thanks so much for your kind review. Glad you liked it. Do you write poetry only or short story too?
The story came out 2nd place in the contest.
Love
Mario
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I am so honoured by your 6 star rating..!!
Thank you so much!
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You are most welcome Mario, well deserved x x x
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I write mainly poetry Mario x
Comment from Dawn Munro
"...shoving her fist into her husband's gaping throat to..." - I suggest changing "throat" to "mouth" -- the throat would not be 'gaping' or he'd probably be dead. (Sorry -- I couldn't resist after reading the rest of your delightful story.) But the suggestion is a real one.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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"...shoving her fist into her husband's gaping throat to..." - I suggest changing "throat" to "mouth" -- the throat would not be 'gaping' or he'd probably be dead. (Sorry -- I couldn't resist after reading the rest of your delightful story.) But the suggestion is a real one.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Thanks for your review and correction!
Really appreciate it. The only reason I used that word was because I used the word " mouth" a sentence above. I will revisit and revise!!
Thanks so much again.
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You're very welcome. :)
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice writing.
I'm sorry, but I must be missing something.
It sounded like the cloth worked perfectly.
Does Freddy's smirk and 'shoving' the cloth into the garbage bin mean more than 'tossing away waste'? And the 'languid', lackadaisical behavior? I assume 9-1-1 was to report Irma's death? But she's sleeping peacefully.
Sorry, I don't get it.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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Nice writing.
I'm sorry, but I must be missing something.
It sounded like the cloth worked perfectly.
Does Freddy's smirk and 'shoving' the cloth into the garbage bin mean more than 'tossing away waste'? And the 'languid', lackadaisical behavior? I assume 9-1-1 was to report Irma's death? But she's sleeping peacefully.
Sorry, I don't get it.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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Hello Wayne,
Thanks for your review and the 5 stars. You're right, he got rid of a "nagging, exasperating" wife, who, according to his selfishness, was the problem instead of him being the problem. Irma, exhausted after so many sleepless nights, went into a deep sleep as soon as the room became quiet. Was Freddy faking the "silence " to achieve his goal?... But nevertheless, Irma never saw it coming and never woke up.
Comment from Maria Millsaps
Wow, that was horrible and the end was no surprise to me. Plotting to hurt others while sleeping is nasty and one reaps what they sows. Very engaging.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Wow, that was horrible and the end was no surprise to me. Plotting to hurt others while sleeping is nasty and one reaps what they sows. Very engaging.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much for your review.
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Scary
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was very amusing and I was indeed surprised by the ending. I wonder how long he had her pegged for. Loved the warning. Thanks for sharing. Kate xx
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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This was very amusing and I was indeed surprised by the ending. I wonder how long he had her pegged for. Loved the warning. Thanks for sharing. Kate xx
Comment Written 16-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much for your review! I'm happy my story could make someone smile. Means a lot to me
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Wow! Does this mean he took her idea and used it on her? The text is a great size. The plot was presented at a good pace. The characters were believable. The twist at the end was a real surprise, the visual is fair, because the cartoon message cannot be read. i wanted to know if it related to the story. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Wow! Does this mean he took her idea and used it on her? The text is a great size. The plot was presented at a good pace. The characters were believable. The twist at the end was a real surprise, the visual is fair, because the cartoon message cannot be read. i wanted to know if it related to the story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Hello Sandra,
Thank you so much for your kind review. Im sorry the message on the picture is so small, I think it's when I uploaded it, the format changed. But it's just a funny dialogue in French, between the angry wife and the baffled husband. The man asked: was I snoring, honey?, the irate wife replied: yes, since 1973!!
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LOL~ now that's funny. Perhaps next time put that in your AN. It would add another dimension/layer to your entry.
You are welcome for the review.
