Canceled
Janis is given a task to cancel a problem22 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
She is a hit woman. A unique twist to this little humdinger of a tale. No wonder she gets paid handsomely for her efforts. She knows dern well what "this world is coming to."
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023
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She is a hit woman. A unique twist to this little humdinger of a tale. No wonder she gets paid handsomely for her efforts. She knows dern well what "this world is coming to."
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023
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Thank you!!
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
The story engages the reader following the character of Janis. The settings, for example, in the seedy club are well evoked. The irony that husband and wife are both cheating on each other is well made. However, the sexual references do not seem essential to the main plot. It is not convincing as to how or why Janis became involved in a major crime. In crime fiction plotting is everything.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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The story engages the reader following the character of Janis. The settings, for example, in the seedy club are well evoked. The irony that husband and wife are both cheating on each other is well made. However, the sexual references do not seem essential to the main plot. It is not convincing as to how or why Janis became involved in a major crime. In crime fiction plotting is everything.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Thank you!!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Disgusting! What a terrible mission Janis and her boss plotted. I am glad there aren't people who do such awful deeds; we must stay away from them if there are people that exist like her.
I wonder if this kind of character could produce a mystery novel for you.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Disgusting! What a terrible mission Janis and her boss plotted. I am glad there aren't people who do such awful deeds; we must stay away from them if there are people that exist like her.
I wonder if this kind of character could produce a mystery novel for you.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from eliz100
You have written an excellent short story. The suburban wife becomes a killer for hire. I especially liked the first paragraph, You packed a lot of information, with excellent descriptions. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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You have written an excellent short story. The suburban wife becomes a killer for hire. I especially liked the first paragraph, You packed a lot of information, with excellent descriptions. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Douglas Goff
Nice story. Had a very James Bond type feeling to it.
I didn't see any grammatical errors and I did give it a good hard look!
Thanks for sharing. We are competitors in the contest so let's share the number one position! Good luck.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Nice story. Had a very James Bond type feeling to it.
I didn't see any grammatical errors and I did give it a good hard look!
Thanks for sharing. We are competitors in the contest so let's share the number one position! Good luck.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Thank you!!
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
As much as I am not a big mystery lover, this story intrigued me and after I got to the part where she is cheating on her husband, I started over and read it all over again to make sure I didn't miss anything. You have quite the imagination and I found it cleverly orchestrated and very interesting. The end was almost as shocking as the bar part. Thank you for the awesome story. Very talented writer!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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As much as I am not a big mystery lover, this story intrigued me and after I got to the part where she is cheating on her husband, I started over and read it all over again to make sure I didn't miss anything. You have quite the imagination and I found it cleverly orchestrated and very interesting. The end was almost as shocking as the bar part. Thank you for the awesome story. Very talented writer!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Thank you very much!!
Comment from Cindy Warren
Janis seems to have taken up sex and murder as hobbies. She must really be bored with her life. I don't blame her. I guess less less lethal passtimes with the other bored housewives didn't interest her. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Janis seems to have taken up sex and murder as hobbies. She must really be bored with her life. I don't blame her. I guess less less lethal passtimes with the other bored housewives didn't interest her. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from lancellot
"You watch your {mouth." Janis} said
-mouth," Janis
Well there are some positives and some negatives. The positives, for the most part, the writing and editing is good. A few nits but not much.
Now the negatives. Too much that does not advance the story. Information dumps are not good. Yes, it's fiction but it still has to be plausible and understandable. Janis, a married housewife, suddenly becoming an assassin following two days of training is neither.
Her treatment of George played no part and did not advance the story. Her sex with a random guy also. And such a risk, given her task. Why?
"It's {Thomas." The} caller said.
-Thomas," the caller
George followed thinking he was going to get lucky.
- This should be another paragraph. Also, it served no purpose.
{call} the number and got her instructions.
- called
George asked, "Did {to} see or hear the news about some Mafia guy
- you
Also, you don't need any of the warnings. You don't show anything. You just tell it happened.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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"You watch your {mouth." Janis} said
-mouth," Janis
Well there are some positives and some negatives. The positives, for the most part, the writing and editing is good. A few nits but not much.
Now the negatives. Too much that does not advance the story. Information dumps are not good. Yes, it's fiction but it still has to be plausible and understandable. Janis, a married housewife, suddenly becoming an assassin following two days of training is neither.
Her treatment of George played no part and did not advance the story. Her sex with a random guy also. And such a risk, given her task. Why?
"It's {Thomas." The} caller said.
-Thomas," the caller
George followed thinking he was going to get lucky.
- This should be another paragraph. Also, it served no purpose.
{call} the number and got her instructions.
- called
George asked, "Did {to} see or hear the news about some Mafia guy
- you
Also, you don't need any of the warnings. You don't show anything. You just tell it happened.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Janis has been in the business for five years as noted in story, Not sending this off to beta readers revise and off for editing would have some negatives.
Had fun writing it.
Thanks.
Comment from royowen
I think Janis and George deserve one another. So Janis was a "hitman" and both were philanderers as well. What a great plot, unusual and quite original, at least for me, an excellent plot and great characters. I wonder where hitmen and two timers finish up in life, now that would be an interesting plot, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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I think Janis and George deserve one another. So Janis was a "hitman" and both were philanderers as well. What a great plot, unusual and quite original, at least for me, an excellent plot and great characters. I wonder where hitmen and two timers finish up in life, now that would be an interesting plot, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
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Welcome
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Excellent story except the beginning. My granddad would never have taught me such terrible things! I think your character designation is a bit off. The problem I see is in the writing. In several places you're missing verbs or auxilliaries (I've indicated one of each below as an example, but there are quite a few others). Kate xx
striped off her clothes > stripped off her clothes
and into the rental > missing verb
and disappointed > and was disappointed
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Excellent story except the beginning. My granddad would never have taught me such terrible things! I think your character designation is a bit off. The problem I see is in the writing. In several places you're missing verbs or auxilliaries (I've indicated one of each below as an example, but there are quite a few others). Kate xx
striped off her clothes > stripped off her clothes
and into the rental > missing verb
and disappointed > and was disappointed
Comment Written 12-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
