The Beast
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Beast Ch.4"A killer with no motive - can it even be?
8 total reviews
Comment from Faith Williams
The interplay in the Terry's internal conversation was well done giving more insight to the reader regarding his compulsion.
One thing: pill induced over pill inducted
The internal conversation at the end of the chapter is amazing, and the final line is brilliant.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2022
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The interplay in the Terry's internal conversation was well done giving more insight to the reader regarding his compulsion.
One thing: pill induced over pill inducted
The internal conversation at the end of the chapter is amazing, and the final line is brilliant.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much, Faith. I was worried I'd been a bit too graphic but I needed to convey the visceral way Terry interacts with the world, and how that gives way to the darker urges inside. Thanks for the catch!
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
For a moment I thought he'd actually killed her. Is Terry possessed or just nuts? Seems he thought he'd killed her too, for a moment. Even if he loves this woman, she's still not safe.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2022
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For a moment I thought he'd actually killed her. Is Terry possessed or just nuts? Seems he thought he'd killed her too, for a moment. Even if he loves this woman, she's still not safe.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Cindy. Indeed, she is definitely living more precariously than she realises!
Mike
Comment from Judy Lawless
I don't know that enjoyed is quite the right word, Mike, but this certainly is well written. It was sensational in many, many ways, some good, some not so good. At least now we know the killer has at least two personalities and Terry is the killer. Wow!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2022
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I don't know that enjoyed is quite the right word, Mike, but this certainly is well written. It was sensational in many, many ways, some good, some not so good. At least now we know the killer has at least two personalities and Terry is the killer. Wow!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2022
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Thank you :-). I was worried this chapter went a bit too far but Terry lives a very intense experience of life so that needed to come across.
Mike
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You're most welcome, Mike.
Comment from Jay Squires
That's some intense writing, emoting. I have to ask: how did you avoid the "For Mature Reader's Only" rating? It's a mixture of sex and violence that I'm not sure a lot of sixteen-year-olds can handle. However, it's so well written that I'm sure most of them couldn't wade through it. Your descriptive power is astounding.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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That's some intense writing, emoting. I have to ask: how did you avoid the "For Mature Reader's Only" rating? It's a mixture of sex and violence that I'm not sure a lot of sixteen-year-olds can handle. However, it's so well written that I'm sure most of them couldn't wade through it. Your descriptive power is astounding.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Jay :-). I was worried I'd gone too far for the Fanstory audience, but I've never been one for toning down if I think it fits the story, and this scene is key to the complexity of Terry and his marital relationship.
As for the warning, you only seem to get it if you flag the genre as 'Erotic' and mine is Mystery/Crime. In the 'olden days' of Fanstory, you could put levels to your warnings (eg mild, strong or 'highest level' of violence) and if you chose 'Highest level' of sex, you would get a warning page, but that doesn't seem to happen anymore.
In terms of 16 year-olds, mind you, if they have internet access, they've been exposed to things way more graphic than this (although I would agree they may not have the emotional understanding to process the complexity of what's going on).
Mike
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I find myself in total agreement with you on today's typical teen. It would have been typical of the 50s teen as well. We took it then about as far as our technology would allow us -- which was generally the National Geographic. Or the nudist mags before they got shut down. And the difference between the emotionality sixteen-year-old and the sixty-six-year-old is marginal at best.
I just thought the rules here were stricter since Tom reminds us that some barely teens are members here. I thought it was handled algorithmically. I didn't want you to think that I, personally, was troubled by your language or description. I thought it was honest on a level that many of us can't approach. I wonder if sexuality at its deepest level IS violence that comes with the inability to penetrate the incarnate being of another. Anyway, write on laddie!
Jay
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like the concordized and progressively realistic romantic order of taletelling, progresses through appreciable speed of expression and somewhat mystic and crime process of narration and modest exposure of tale; I like your stand of expressive modal deliverance; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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I like the concordized and progressively realistic romantic order of taletelling, progresses through appreciable speed of expression and somewhat mystic and crime process of narration and modest exposure of tale; I like your stand of expressive modal deliverance; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thank you :-). I know this was a challenging chapter, so I appreciate your taking the time to read and review.
Mike
Comment from Thesis
This chapter took an interesting turn, trying to humanize the character with his compliant wife. It was placed in the story where I didn't expect it, but adds to make the character human and relatable. Good job.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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This chapter took an interesting turn, trying to humanize the character with his compliant wife. It was placed in the story where I didn't expect it, but adds to make the character human and relatable. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thank you :-). This was almost chapter 5 rather than 4 (and may still be if I do some juggling later) but I didn't want to get too entrenched in the 3rd person detective chapters without dipping back into Terry's deep first person experience. I'm glad it wasn't 'too much' but it felt right for his personality state.
Mike
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The effects of viagra seem to be more horrific than I could ever have dreamt. Hallucinogenic (referring to Terry seeing the knife, but not himself, obviously, wanting to kill his wife)? or psychosis-inducing. For a long time I had in my mind that Terry is Bently. But surely that would be my own hallucination? Descriptions of steamy sex are not my thing generally, but that's only because I'm incapable of writing them. This deserved the six because 1) it is so raw and real, and because somehow you managed to show the wanting of both Heather and Terry - usually one partner of a two-sex couple comes over as wooden or stilted and 2) I loved the ending with the definition of how life is a bag of searing opposites - no room for wishy-washy here. Kate xx
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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The effects of viagra seem to be more horrific than I could ever have dreamt. Hallucinogenic (referring to Terry seeing the knife, but not himself, obviously, wanting to kill his wife)? or psychosis-inducing. For a long time I had in my mind that Terry is Bently. But surely that would be my own hallucination? Descriptions of steamy sex are not my thing generally, but that's only because I'm incapable of writing them. This deserved the six because 1) it is so raw and real, and because somehow you managed to show the wanting of both Heather and Terry - usually one partner of a two-sex couple comes over as wooden or stilted and 2) I loved the ending with the definition of how life is a bag of searing opposites - no room for wishy-washy here. Kate xx
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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You have guessed one of the twists I had in mind (they are certainly connected, even if not the same person) but I'm not sure now. The placing of this scene certainly implies they are not the same person (but I liked the mis-step of ending Chapter 3 with the profilers saying he was an obsessive loner, and us learning immediately that he's anything but).
I've only ever written a couple of sex scenes (well, this makes number three) as I think they need to work with the story and characters.
Thank you for the awesome review :-)
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm curious how he turns on an off being a murderer and a husband. You are doing a good job writing this. Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm pulling for the good guys to discover who he is without any more murders.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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I'm curious how he turns on an off being a murderer and a husband. You are doing a good job writing this. Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm pulling for the good guys to discover who he is without any more murders.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Barbara :-). Apologies if this scene was a bit much, but I wanted to show the intensity of Terry and Heather's relationship, and the slippery grip he holds on who he is.
Mike
