Death By Murder
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Death By Murder - Chap 11"A jewel heist, rival gangs and a cold case.
19 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
It took like the someone it bound to get killed over this jewels before long and the maffia isn't even involved get. I guess Bennie still has the loose ones in his pocket and his lawyer doesn't even know he has them. Your stories get exciting fast.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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It took like the someone it bound to get killed over this jewels before long and the maffia isn't even involved get. I guess Bennie still has the loose ones in his pocket and his lawyer doesn't even know he has them. Your stories get exciting fast.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thanks for the review and for enjoying the story. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Aha, there are more character in play than we even dreams of there being. Crafty Carol always has a few leprechauns hidden in between the hedges. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Aha, there are more character in play than we even dreams of there being. Crafty Carol always has a few leprechauns hidden in between the hedges. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Of course, I think I love the hidden stories that develop more than the actual one because they surprise people (or at least I hope it does).
Have a great day! Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Shirley McLain
Oh dear, I fear Benny is in trouble. I'm also wondering if the scared brother will be hurt by the psycho. I liked this chapter. It was intense, and I'm looking forward to the next one. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Oh dear, I fear Benny is in trouble. I'm also wondering if the scared brother will be hurt by the psycho. I liked this chapter. It was intense, and I'm looking forward to the next one. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
Good morning, Shirley
Thank you for the stopping by to read and enjoy this chapter. I appreciate it very much. Have a great day!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent writing. My eyes were glued to this chapter from word one. The way you ended guarantees that I will be watching for your next addition to the story. You do such a great job with the scenes and dialogue.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Excellent writing. My eyes were glued to this chapter from word one. The way you ended guarantees that I will be watching for your next addition to the story. You do such a great job with the scenes and dialogue.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Hurrah! Just what I love to hear.... Those cliff hangers are my joy in writing and the fact that you enjoy them makes me smile. Thank you!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Teri7
This is a really good chapter with lots of excitement in it. You had me sitting on the edge of my chair again. Great descriptive words and dialogue. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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This is a really good chapter with lots of excitement in it. You had me sitting on the edge of my chair again. Great descriptive words and dialogue. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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I love putting you on the edge, eagerly awaiting what happens next. Just don't fall off! LOL Thanks so much!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is not going to end good for Benny and Lance. I just know it. I don't see how these two are going to get out of this. Good writing.
He squatted next to Paddy. "Are you hurt?" (squatted beside Paddy)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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This is not going to end good for Benny and Lance. I just know it. I don't see how these two are going to get out of this. Good writing.
He squatted next to Paddy. "Are you hurt?" (squatted beside Paddy)
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Fixed!
Thanks again for catching my errors. You are the best! Glad you are enjoying!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Douglas Goff
Very nice continuation of the plot line.
The following sentence needs rework. It is a 33 worn run on sentence with five commas. Chop it into at least two sentences:
The driver's door opened, and Mason jumped out, hurrying to Paddy, lifting him off the ground, and shoving him into the back seat before driving away, remembering to turn on the vehicle's lights.
I'm enjoying the story as it unfolds. Nice work author!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Very nice continuation of the plot line.
The following sentence needs rework. It is a 33 worn run on sentence with five commas. Chop it into at least two sentences:
The driver's door opened, and Mason jumped out, hurrying to Paddy, lifting him off the ground, and shoving him into the back seat before driving away, remembering to turn on the vehicle's lights.
I'm enjoying the story as it unfolds. Nice work author!
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thank you for reading and for making the suggestion. Prowriting said it was acceptable, but I took your suggestion and broke it into two sentences. Reads easier.
Smiles, Carol
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I?m a better reader (six books a week) than writer so I catch flow issues easily. This is a great and entertaining story. Thanks for sharing!
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I certainly appreciate it! Thank you and have a great day!
Comment from PENofFIRE
This is a well-written chapter. It kept my interest so much that I was sorry to see it end and am looking forward to the next chapter. The words flow beautifully causing me to get lost in the story. When this becomes a book, I will be buying it. Best wishes for winning the contest.
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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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This is a well-written chapter. It kept my interest so much that I was sorry to see it end and am looking forward to the next chapter. The words flow beautifully causing me to get lost in the story. When this becomes a book, I will be buying it. Best wishes for winning the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and enjoy one of the chapters of my story. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It doesn't look like Bernie is going to get away with those goons on his tail, but when he picks Lance up, perhaps that will enough to scare them off. This is turning out to be a big disaster for our would be master criminals. I can't wait to find out how Rudy is doing, is he still alive? At least Sandy knows who took him and beat him up. Another great chapter, my friend. Well done!! :)) Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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It doesn't look like Bernie is going to get away with those goons on his tail, but when he picks Lance up, perhaps that will enough to scare them off. This is turning out to be a big disaster for our would be master criminals. I can't wait to find out how Rudy is doing, is he still alive? At least Sandy knows who took him and beat him up. Another great chapter, my friend. Well done!! :)) Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2022
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Good morning, my sweet friend
I imagine readers think the story has unfolded before them, but actually there will be so many twists and undercurrents that will take on their own life as well. You know me... twists and turns. Thanks for the encouragement and for enjoying the story. It makes me feel good.
Smiles, Carol
