I Haven't A Clue
Who did it? And with what?33 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Douglas, I'm beginning to understand that this tale is based on a game I do not know. But I will still volunteer with a review. I liked the murder story and who've done it. But then they all die due to poisening. Congrats on your win. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Hi Douglas, I'm beginning to understand that this tale is based on a game I do not know. But I will still volunteer with a review. I liked the murder story and who've done it. But then they all die due to poisening. Congrats on your win. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 16-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Yes, a lot of the humor was aimed at the English version of the game as a shout out to our English FS friends. Thanks for the review!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Novel concept interweaving the game of Clue, and its characters, into the plot of this story.
"gold rimmed glasses" should be gold-rimmed glasses.
"half empty glass" should be half-empty glass.
If they are going to meet in the lounge in "half an hour," and Mustard says, "we may need thirty minutes to get this done," to which Plum agrees, "Make it thirty minutes then" is that not the same as "half an hour"? Should the Professor's response not be extended out to perhaps 45 minutes, or longer?
Your time line then says their meeting took place the next day?
"drinker straight from the container" should be drinking straight from the container.
Too funny.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Novel concept interweaving the game of Clue, and its characters, into the plot of this story.
"gold rimmed glasses" should be gold-rimmed glasses.
"half empty glass" should be half-empty glass.
If they are going to meet in the lounge in "half an hour," and Mustard says, "we may need thirty minutes to get this done," to which Plum agrees, "Make it thirty minutes then" is that not the same as "half an hour"? Should the Professor's response not be extended out to perhaps 45 minutes, or longer?
Your time line then says their meeting took place the next day?
"drinker straight from the container" should be drinking straight from the container.
Too funny.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the great catches. The 30 minute half hour thing was silly English humor. I Appreciate the fixes and your review!
Comment from Sally Law
Congratulations on your win, Douglas. This was a fun and delightful read. I enjoyed it immensely.
One correction for your story's character, Mrs. Peacock. Mrs. Peacock is a widow who dresses in blue, and is represented by the blue game token. You have her clad in purple.
Sending you my best today as always and my best for your writing endeavors,
Sally :))
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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Congratulations on your win, Douglas. This was a fun and delightful read. I enjoyed it immensely.
One correction for your story's character, Mrs. Peacock. Mrs. Peacock is a widow who dresses in blue, and is represented by the blue game token. You have her clad in purple.
Sending you my best today as always and my best for your writing endeavors,
Sally :))
Comment Written 16-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2022
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It was a subtle joke to switch her. She wore purple lipstick and had a purple butterfly tattoo in some of the portrayals. In one comedy, she stated that she wanted to be purple all along. I did a lot of things like that, like Colonel Mustard was originally Mr Yellow which I had him reference as well as the bathroom jokes because there is no toilet room in the house. Another one that most missed was the reference to Tudor Manor, which is what Boddy Manor is called in the English version and Boddy is a Doctor called Black. Somebody also pointed out to me that 30 minutes is a half hour and that I need to fix it. Perhaps my slapstick was just a little too nonsensical?? Thanks for the review. This was a fun write.
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I can tell you had fun. :))
Comment from amahra
You did a great job writing this. I loved it.
A scream rang out across the halls of Boddy Manor, causing several people to rush into the study [,] where they found Mrs. Scarlet standing over Mr. Boddy. [Excellent beginning. These first lines really pull a reader in.]
"Still, nobody has admitted to the fourth dent on the deceased's head," [I know this wasn't meant to be funny, but it tickled me.]
"I think that we may have all been poisoned," Miss Peach whispered as she fell to the floor. [LOL!]
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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You did a great job writing this. I loved it.
A scream rang out across the halls of Boddy Manor, causing several people to rush into the study [,] where they found Mrs. Scarlet standing over Mr. Boddy. [Excellent beginning. These first lines really pull a reader in.]
"Still, nobody has admitted to the fourth dent on the deceased's head," [I know this wasn't meant to be funny, but it tickled me.]
"I think that we may have all been poisoned," Miss Peach whispered as she fell to the floor. [LOL!]
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Thank you. I?m glad you enjoyed it. I think it is doing well in the contest. More importantly is was a real hoot to write! Appreciate you!
Comment from Crystal Gamet
I loved this story! You did a fantastic job! I have always loved playing the game and I love hearing the story of the characters. The ending was very unexpected! Great job!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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I loved this story! You did a fantastic job! I have always loved playing the game and I love hearing the story of the characters. The ending was very unexpected! Great job!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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Yes so much fun to write! It?s rare for me to laugh at my own writing but this one had me snickering. Currently tied for first, so might do really well.!!! Regardless lots of fun!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I'll bet it was fun! Good work.
"Nobody is leaving," Mrs. White spoke up, then after - This sentence would read better if the comma after 'up' was a period.
"He loved me; besides he has only known - needs a comma after 'besides'
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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I'll bet it was fun! Good work.
"Nobody is leaving," Mrs. White spoke up, then after - This sentence would read better if the comma after 'up' was a period.
"He loved me; besides he has only known - needs a comma after 'besides'
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Thanks for the back up my friend! I appreciate these edits. Maybe they will give me the boost that I need against the stiff competition! Appreciate it!
Comment from Wendy G
Well done. A great piece from the Cluedo game - very cleverly done and with wit and humour. Can't ask for more deaths than your story has! Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Well done. A great piece from the Cluedo game - very cleverly done and with wit and humour. Can't ask for more deaths than your story has! Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Thank you my friend. It looks like the competition is going to be stiff, but I expect no less from my fellow FS writers. I appreciate your review and I know that you read it to the end since you know that everyone died! You rock!!!!
Comment from Barbara Peabody Pouliot
I truly love this creative story, but it needs a few corrections.
I say this with kindness, my friend. Quiet. apt-probable No- But, lol
that she held. a detective?" as we speak." paying attention?"
Mommy. education, but. , because. sex." as she smiled
This is as much as I could write down!
Just suggesting!ð???
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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I truly love this creative story, but it needs a few corrections.
I say this with kindness, my friend. Quiet. apt-probable No- But, lol
that she held. a detective?" as we speak." paying attention?"
Mommy. education, but. , because. sex." as she smiled
This is as much as I could write down!
Just suggesting!ð???
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2022
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Good stuff! We?re about to get frosty the snowman in this state.
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Oh boy! You want me to continue to edit or not. You see I missed part of 8th grade,lol. But I took editing at college a few many years back, lol
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I will always take help
My ?mystery? friend!!!!
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Okie dokie
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What you writing today?
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I haven?t a clue! Lol
No I am waiting for the appropriate contest. I already wrote it. I am saving up member dollars for this one
To enter the perfect contest
I am also writing a poem with a friend, lol
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Nice. Keep the cobwebs out of the old brain!
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OLD???? What you mean boy?
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Lol. I will not accept the truth, it is just a little old.
Comment from Brian Grimes
This was a fun read. My wife's favorite game and movie are Clue. This story brings elements of both. They are mixed, blended, boiled, and reformed into something original with a humorous framework held up by a bloody mystery. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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This was a fun read. My wife's favorite game and movie are Clue. This story brings elements of both. They are mixed, blended, boiled, and reformed into something original with a humorous framework held up by a bloody mystery. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Thanks Brian! It?s off to a slow start, but some of the jokes will fall very flat if you don?t know the game Clue. We shall see how it goes. Appreciate the generous review!
Comment from Thomas Blanks
This story was well done and fun to read. Your writing has taken a big leap forward. Probably because you work at it so much. You are a pro, man. I intend to vote for your story in the contest. Keep up the good work. I made a note on a technicality...
NOTES:
"...purple dress and a large hat. with a purple feather extending from the top." (REMOVE period after hat)
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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This story was well done and fun to read. Your writing has taken a big leap forward. Probably because you work at it so much. You are a pro, man. I intend to vote for your story in the contest. Keep up the good work. I made a note on a technicality...
NOTES:
"...purple dress and a large hat. with a purple feather extending from the top." (REMOVE period after hat)
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Sorry I?m way behind this week. Kid issues. Thanks for the awesome review and generous stars my friend! I appreciate the ?catch?. I tried to nominate you but I learned that you can only nominate a person once a month and I already got you earlier this month! Anyways, my story is off to a slow start. Not sure if it will hit up a wide audience of voters as there are a lot of English version jokes in there for our overseas friends. We shall see! Thanks for your review!!!
